Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

We also agreed not to message this weekend which has been a good thing for me. Has cleared the head and hopefully for him too.

@halfthesun I'd have the conversation with your iron in person not over text. After 5 dates I think it's more than reasonable to have the 'what is this' conversation. I know people advise to watch someone's actions, but their words matter too. We have had a number of occasions on here where the actions have been all good. An assumption made. Then when the question was asked it turned out they were on the apps, dating others, or in my case treating it as casual not serious.

Last seen is turned back on. Ye I'm snooping. Must stop it.

dancemom yay I’m thinking you had a good night together 😉.

menora nobody likes those conversations, so don’t let it be a conversation. ‘I’m out’ is a statement. He may or may not reply, but you’ve said all you need to say by that time.

I’ve deleted mr scenery on Pof , we’re still matched but I can no longer see when he’s online, I think that healthier for me I was starting to get into the snooping too much!

My last seen on WhatsApp works on WiFi but not 4g for some reason so he might not be turning it on and off

Hello, thank you for excellent advice, will have a conversation in person ... if I see him again! He hasn't been on line, WA, since yesterday afternoon which is odd.

Must stop making up scenarios in my head! Thank you again 😊

@stuckinarut79 crazy isn't it? I've never been cheated on and he's given me no reason to doubt him. It's not me ignoring instinct something is up. My dad cheated on my mum but I'm working really hard at not letting that affect me anymore. I've come a long way.

@Jane1978xx that would make a lot of sense. Thank you. They probably just went out for breakfast or something.

@tigerdater excellent point about a break up not needing to be a conversation, esp with someone Menora barely knows.

@saltysally I think it also goes if you are in a car that blocks your phone (if that makes sense)

Thanks @Jane1978xx. Good to kmow.

@shitwithsugaron is smitten. Woohoo! Your posts about him make me so happy. You deserve a man like this. 😍

Hooray!!!

@shitwithsugaron aah this is so cute!

I think it’s hard to explain re my idiocy
It is more that I don’t firmly believe no one who is inherently good can ever change, I know they have the capability and can do it. It isn’t even that I want to help them either. I have enough of my own boundaries to leave someone who has no willingness to change - often people do they just don’t know how exactly. It ends up feeling natural to say to people ‘look I was in the same place once.. now I am not’ so I just have empathy for them and can overlook things that I recognise the why/how. Just that I am not in that place anymore so it’s like dating men 10 years behind myself

@saltysally

I am not great at communication so I wouldn’t assume anything bad if I didn’t hear from someone, but often people think that of me to be honest if I am a bit AWOL. I don’t really send texts unless I have something to say either! So maybe don’t think anything of it just yet

@halfthesun

I would leave messaging for now - I think the thumbs up is a bit of a conversation stopper really.. so in polite terms he should ask you next if you had a nice weekend!

Oh he's done nothing wrong. We agreed not to message. He hasn't. Can't fault that.
His friends are really important to him so again a pass there too.
The only thing he's done wrong is not read my mind 😂 which would have meant he'd have sent a thinking of you message sometime yesterday or this morning.

It's pmt week and my mind is playing tricks on me.

I like your faith and belief in people Menora. You deserve someone who appreciates it.

@Menora thank you for reply ... thumbs up is a bit blah ... plus he has been on WA and not responded to my goodnight!

My word I sound ridiculous - in RL I am a successful teacher to over 110 student - Economics yet when it comes to dating I am hopeless

@halfthesun don't worry. Old turns more than a few of us into people we'd never recognise or knew we could be 😂

The problem with messaging is that you use it as a measure of how the RS is going when it is not really a good measure of communicating because it isn’t face to face

It’s easy to assume that lack of messaging means lack of interest I don’t think it does necessarily - you need to look at the bigger picture. If he is otherwise really nice with no red flags then try not to worry

Sticking to the rules makes sense.I'm currently breaking the overinvested rule. Unfortunately I'm enjoying it too much more to. Sometimes rules are made to be broken imo.

That's said in jest btw. They really are good rules!