Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Congratulations on the excellent date @undecidedsofa

I’ll admit on occasion me and my friends do drink a lot but not when we have to drive / work / parent etc

Quick question re messaging.
Do all the irons you message for a good while turn turn the messages sexual or innuendo laden after a while? Even before you've met?
I'm starting to think I'm a massive prude as it makes me really defensive.

Tenetenba

I may be an exception but I don’t like sex chat at all even with someone I’ve had sex with. I don’t like sending naughty photos I don’t like doing anything like that on text. I’m not a prude it just doesn’t turn me on one bit, I would only be doing it to make the other person happy. I can’t help finding it a cringy turn off - kind of wish I didn’t. So I tend to choose men who don’t do this kind of thing and I never encourage it. I do flirt with them and face to face I am much more affectionate and up for a good shag

I don’t really drink that much anymore. I used to. I find it boring and I get crazy beer fear, I’m terrible at being hungover I will 100% have a migraine and an upset stomach the next day too!

He has mentioned about 7 times how disappointed he will be he can’t drink on Sunday. I don’t understand why. He’s done nothing but drink from 10am Friday and is still drinking now. I think he will drink anyway

@Tenetenba I hate sex chat with someone I've not met. It does nothing for me.

Do women get turned on by sex chat and dick pics? I have always wondered why I don’t and if it’s normal. I had a hot FWB a few years ago who was so into it. I used to just end up frustrated we were talking about sex more than actually having sex and bored by all the discussion around it. Even someone I have really fancied I just feel like my vagina is stone cold

Well thank goodness for that. I just find it cringe and a turn off !!

Dic pics do nothing for me, I don’t get it at all. But sexting and talking about sex really does it for me. I’ve spent most of the weekend talking dirty with mr taichi!!

@Tenetenba
I can’t bear it either..it feels awkward to me, especially when I’ve not met them, that feels really weird.
@menora I sometimes go full out drinking with friends, but would never be disappointed I couldn’t drink I don’t think, definitely not after a weekend like that and not if meeting a date in the day- I don’t get that type of mentality 🤷‍♀️

@Menora are you thinking he would drink and drive. I couldn't meet someone I thought would do that.

I don’t like people talking dirty to me that much either 😂

If he drinks and drives this is 3rd man in a row I’ve met who thinks this is ok

My dad drink drives and I really hate it. He once tried to do it when I was pregnant with DD1 he took us out for lunch then had 4 pints and expected me to get into the car!

He was still smelling of drink when I met him on date 1 and had driven but it wasn’t particularly early in the day and I kind of let it go as I didn’t know how much he had or anything

Yesterday he drank 15 pints of beer he thinks. One of his friends ended up injured. I haven’t heard hardly anything from him this evening but I know he’s drinking as he said he was very drunk about 2pm!

I think this brings back too many memories of my piss head dad who was always so anxious to get home to start drinking, or left us alone in pub gardens to drink, drank every night even if we had no money.

@Menora all these seem red flags to me but then my ex is an alcoholic! I think he has made it clear that drinking is a big part of his life. You'll just need to make a call as to whether you are ok with that, especially with the irritation you have about your dad.

@stuckinarut79 I maybe confused but I thought you were giving up on Mr Taichi?

I’m mid 40’s and a lot of my friends still drink massive amounts. I’m a lightweight and also suffer really bad hangovers so don’t tend to drink much these days, but I don’t think heavy drinking is too unusual based on my circle of friends.

@menora why are you even contemplating meeting him?

Slightly concerned now - I suggested a couple of ideas for what Miss Confusing and I could do tomorrow, but she has said she wants to get a coffee first so we can talk.

I’m worried she’s going to say she doesn’t want to see me, or just wants to be friends - but would someone really travel for almost an hour to say that face to face when she’s had 6 weeks to do it via text or phone, or just ignore me and let me work it out myself? I’m hoping that all the stuff she’s sent me over the last month - memories of things we’ve done or spoken about - are a sign she is still interested, but feeling rather nervous now.

I’m contemplating not meeting him! I will see what tomorrow brings

Heavy drinking is a culture I’m aware of just one I don’t want to be part of, and I wasn’t sure how much he was part of it either

@TheCatWithTheHat i think it is pretty normalized but I guess quite offputting when one might have had bad experiences in the past. I would get irritated if someone kept highlighting they were unhappy they couldn't drink one day.

@Welsh36 I have, I’ve told him I don’t see anything happening, but he’s being persistent, I’m now of the opinion that I’ve told him the complete truth if he’s not listening that’s up to him!

Cat, go into the date with an open mind but remember, you are not her unpaid counsellor!
This also needs to be your make or break with this RS - for your own sanity it either needs to move forward tomorrow or it needs to end. You need to come away from the date with either of those scenarios and no more middle wishy washy ground you are stuck on now

Drink driving is an absolute deal breaker for me! Any more than two pints (with a meal) and getting in the car and they’d be promptly shown the door! Equally anyone that turns up reeking of booze.

I like a drink on a date and I therefore get a taxi. I genuinely think I’d call the police if I saw a bloke have 3+ pints and then drive. Disgusting behaviour!

I considered calling the police on the dates who drank 3 pints then drove but I just wanted to go home. They got dumped

I don’t drink on dates, I have no issues with others having a drink or 2 on a date though. I feel vulnerable when I am drunk and I need to feel safe to drink, but when I am clearly not interested in drinking (and I say this when I first start chatting to someone) but the date wants to carry on drinking it’s just so irritating.

@Eesha I agree - I get annoyed with my friends when they seem unable to avoid drinking. I can quite happily go out and not drink, but that seems impossible for some people. My last ex was like that and she just couldn't say no to a drink, and would turn into a completely different person when drunk.

@Menora yep, I'm looking forward to getting an answer one way or the other. Just scared it won't be the one I'm looking for, but at least then I'll know and can deal with it and move on. I suppose it's natural that she'll want to talk about it one way or the other - so it may not be bad news. In fact, if she just saw us as friends then I'm guessing she wouldn't care about talking - we'd just meet up and she wouldn't think anything of it. Anyway, the only one who knows what she thinks is her, so there's no point in me trying to second guess her. I'll find out myself soon enough.