Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Ok so photos

I do like make up and I am quite good at it but I never do OTT looks. But I do take time to really make myself look as much like myself but a polished version - and no one has ever said I have catfished them 😂
I have one body shot fully clothed

I also have a silly profile because I am intentionally trying to aim for someone with my particular SOH

Many men are awful at the photos and a lot look actually better IRL!

Mr Muddle has gone away this weekend. We spoke on the phone this morning (apparently he loves my Essex accent )

He’s on a lads weekend, he’s said he’s worried he’s going to send soppy messages if he gets drunk. So obviously I will fill you in on them all if he does 😂

I joined bumble! seems to be more men on there I want to swipe on, but again, they all live so far away!

I'm not liking the bits in men's profiles stating they don't want drama etc......that puts me off, maybe that is just me!

So no real conversations happening here thus far, I really want a date now!

I am tempted to message back a guy that I went on a date with a few week's ago, it was the same time as I met Mr Smile so I went with him insteaad. Looking back though the other guy was really nice, would this be an okay thing to do?

Yep "no drama" = "i create drama and then blame you for it" in my head whenever i read it @bangheadhere.

Thanks so much for the advice all - i'm also developing a "no prize fish" rule i can't imagine it's a look that would impress many women

@RuffleCrow fanny gallops😂 I'm borrowing that now! I've been trying to think of a way of explaining that feeling for ages!

Fanny gallops or fizzy knickers 😂😂

Glad there have been good dates happening 😃 Am off for the weekend to a lovely European city this evening (yes, on Brexit day lol). Mr BC has been very supportive of me and all my tribulations lately - stuff with my father is driving me mad - I'm usually bouncy and positive 😕 Am looking forward to the weekend to relax a bit!

@TigerDater Yes, my thoughts were that any contact from me would cause anxiety, let alone reading the suspicions in my previous post. She made it clear she didn't want to hear from me, and I've respected that.

What do folks think about no contact ? It feels a bit like the devalue and discard thing that people mention about narcissism, though redirected to the dumper usually, as the person dumped would obviously like the contact to continue. It strikes me as weird as I've only ever got together with women I've liked and cared about. Even when the relationship didn't seem to quite work, that appreciation of them didn't just disappear, so I've always left things with them as to whether they want to keep in touch.

@hairyarsedman.... I don't like no contact, as a dumper or a dumpee. I think it can be easier for one party but awful for the other. I think if it helps the dumpee that's fair enough. I think if the dumper insists on it as well, then that's a double blow for the dumpee!

After months of not speaking @hairyarsedman I wouldn't contact miss M&M. She will be used to dealing with her ex I'm sure and may be seeing someone else etc. Glad to hear things are going well with ms outing 👍

HairyArsedMan I think it depends on the circumstances of the dumping.
A few years ago I was dumped after a year long relationship. But he had the decency to talk to me in person about how he felt. It still hurt but we have stayed in touch as friends.

Recently I was dumped by text by Mr FO. I found out he lied about being on the apps. He tried to ghost me then dumped me.
I would prefer to be no contact with him because there's nothing I want to say to him. But our paths frequently cross so I have to remain civil whenever I meet him.

Hope the date goes well!

NC is quite an extreme measure and one I’ve only resorted to if, in the end, I’ve concluded the other person is a nasty piece of work eg my DB and a few right weirdos from chatting on OLD. But if NC has been the norm for you and her hairyarsed I would say now is not the time. As PP said, sadly she is probably well-experienced in what her abusive ex gets up to and how to deal with it.

Things with Mr GN are going pretty well though we’re not sticking to the 2 nights a week rule by any means. Seems the more we get, the more we want! He’s just left after a lunchtime quickie having also spent the night last night

I will go NC if required

But pop ups can often feel like booty calls... they unease me a bit. Like we didn’t speak for a year why do you suddenly want to now...

I think most people use NC as a way of healing. It can be very difficult to let go of someone when they are still in your life. Going NC for most people makes the moving on quicker.

I found NC with Mr S painful. But in reality necessary. Hearing from him gave me hope.

Hope is a BASTARD

Mr Muddle has sent a few drunken messages today from his lads weekend away

He’s glad he’s met me
He likes spending time with me
He thinks I am pretty and lovely
I make him smile

Pass the sick bucket 😂

Aw that's quite sweet Menora I like a drunken text!
I had loads of things to say and have forgotten half of it. Watched the pube program shitwith it was interesting that some people had such strong views on it. I'm not really bothered about them either way, there or not, and neither is MrY. I wouldn't change my body for a bloke anyway though.
NoMore I hope you're alright- I think me, you and Misty all broke up at similar times/circumstances and OLD can be so tough on already fragile self-esteem (imo).
Misty thank you for the offer of a chat- sorry I'm only just getting back- I was just having a wobble but did what I should've done and talked through my concerns with MrY. Must stop shutting him out.
Happy weekend, all. MrY is coming over and I'm very much looking forward to being shagged silly seeing him. Enjoy dates/dc/the beginning of Feb!

MM is away on a 50th for the weekend. He's already checked if we can have video call Sunday night but I told him to just play it by ear. Currently trying to find a fun Valentines present for him....

Salty I don’t expect anything either, I want him to just go enjoy himself. One of his friends has flown all the way from NYC to go to Dublin for one weekend

@Marlboroandmalbec34 me either, although I think I fice the impression initially. I ordered her book! Ex sex worker. Seen it all. I'll report back to book club 😂

Fice = give!

I went NC with Mr SAS after we finely ended. He said he's like to stay friends/go to gigs, etc but I tried that the first time and we ended up doing more than that so I knew nc was the only way I was going to get over him. I deleted his number straight away to get rid of temptation.

What was that bush programme called again? Might watch it later. I've never shaved completely as can't stand the regrow...the bikini line is bad enough! Just a tidy up now and again.

@marlbs what did @supercali77 post? I can't find the reference

All this hair talk has reminded me it's only a week until I go to MM's. Better shave my legs before then 😊