Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Yeah like
been for a run
I’m eating a pancake
I’m in bed in my dressing gown
Here I am holding my baby (That one...)

@Jane1978xx yep, about 30-40 minutes! I guess I just wasn't her cup of tea.

The worst thing I find about dates like that is it makes me realise how well I got on with Miss Confusing... so makes it harder thinking about how that went. Although less than 3 days until we meet up (assuming she doesn't cancel) so I'll hopefully know more about where I stand soon.

Did the program say anything about hairy arses @shitwithsugaron ? If I'm going to be down with the kids in my skinny jeans and Lynx Africa, I might as well go the whole hog

@thecatwiththehat will u be texting her to tell her u had a nice time? lol

It's all the rage for young people to be completely shaven, my DD has just turned 17 and she shaves it all off completely and has done for well over a year.
Apparently its expected of you nowadays.

Personally I trim with hair trimmers on grade 0 so it's really short but with a tiny amount of stubble.
I trim about once every 7-10 days so by the 10th day its longer than usual but as shit said men dont care about the pubic hair once you're naked!!

When I was married I had a bush and for the first few guys I had sex with after my marriage I kept it but then realised more men had shaved so I thought I should.

I actually find it more hygienic but its personal preference.

My first old and dtd after my relationship I was full 70s bush.....I do love a bush myself, padding, bounce. Sigh

@saltysally I guess that can be a tricky one, I spoke about my first ex a bit as he is a very close friend, his mum is the nearest thing I have to a parent and he was my FWB when I started dating MrNN (complicated...). It was important for me that he knew why we aren’t together and what our friendship is about, if MrNN didn’t like that etc then we wouldn’t have had a future. Other ex, I haven’t mentioned really, but that’s something I don’t discuss with anyone. Him, he has a bit, there are bits of past relationships that can be important to know, have they cheated etc. It’s an awkward one, but it is important.

Hi all, i just signed up with a certain dating app yesterday so thought i'd pop on here to make sure i'm doing it right!

I seem to be getting lots of likes from men and only a few from women (i'm bisexual). Last relationship was abusive so very wary esp when they start asking if i have kids.

Also, with so little to go on, i feel like i'm just swiping right on the best looking ones - which is like reverting to type for me as going for looks is how i ended up with my ex . Help!

Thanks @shitwithsugaron

Is not so much that they look like him, it's more that i'm picking them because they're attractive. But then i don't have anything else to go on!

ruffle
I would say the majority swipe right on the people they find attractive but it would be the same in a bar or club, we would be going on looks immediately.

Thete had to be some attraction at the start

I guess sometimes the profile is so good it makes you swipe right even if the person is only ok looking.

In my experience the majority of people I met looked so much better in real life.
Photos dont do many of us justice!!!

That's the thing, I feel like I'm being shallow. I put as honest a photo of myself up as I could (just mascara and no filters or anything) but i still worry that whoever eventually ends up on a date with me might feel cheated.

I just wish there was a way to see a photo of someone's true character. Might have to invent that meself

shitwith I've seen some really great profiles which made me laugh. At that time I was only looking for fun and they werent so I never messaged them but if our wants had been compatible I would have.

rufgle Dont worry about your photos, I think I'm ok looking but in photos look ugly but used them anyway.
Everyone I met said I look so much better in real life and my photos dont show how pretty I am.
They may have just been saying that to be nice but I'll take the compliments when they are given.

As long as you are not using photos that are years out of date or heavily made up when you dont normally then it will be fine.

Apologies for lack of tagging, it's not working for me today.

But that’s the beauty of OLD ruffle, you don’t know what you might get, you have to work at it to find out what someone is like. Because decent men generally look shit in the photos the opt to put up (beware the good photos IME, they are usually catfish or fuckboys), unless a photo made me recoil in horror I just swiped right and took it from there.

Sadly it's more like this @shitwithsugaron. Without getting ahead of myself, I have a date this weekend so the topiary discussion turned my thoughts towards taming the lions mane

Thanks all

That's a good approach @TigerDater - i've been doing it completely wrong, it seems, left swiping all the ' only ok' and 'arrgh what were you thinking?' ones and only swiping right on the few that gave me the fanny gallops. Right, will start with the new approach.

Ah, he sounds dreamy, @shitwithsugaron !

Sorry to keep on with the questions but i have two rules i've made for myself

1. don't choose anyone with their dcs in the pic because i think it shows he may have boundary issues (are his kids aware their faces are on his dating profile? I doubt it!)

And

2. i don't swipe right on anyone who's wearing shades. I like the idea of eyes being the windows to the soul, even if it's bollocks, and i'd feel uncomfortable arranging a date when i hadn't even checked for psycho eyes. Sorry if i'm hijacking but are these two rules sensible or daft? Also the 'love my little princesses/ little diamonds' proud dads generally genuine or is that a red flag?

@shitwithsugaron Umm .. I was trying to think of a name that isn't outing so I'll go with ... Miss Outing We're meeting for dinner in my city. Been a good mix of phone calls and messaging since first coffee date which went well. She's very bright and positive, which is attractive and a contrast to me in that I have a cooler - more reflective, I guess - approach to life. There's a twinge of anxiety in that she happens to be from the same place as MsM&M but will cross that bridge later ...

Thoughts of MsM&M came up the other day as her ex-husband popped up as a friend suggestion for me on Facebook. None of us are connected on FB so perhaps it has linked us via phone numbers (as she has mine and his numbers in her contacts I guess ?). But as she described him as abusive I am wondering if there is an element of snooping going on (eg. he added her number to his own account to see what comes up) and whether she needs a heads up on that possibility.

supercali I am so not chill! That was a great read and I needed it today thank you.

Are you no contact with her hairyarsed? If so, I would resist the urge to message her about this. Or anything.

ruffle I think we all develop our own rules as we go along, but yes DCs in pics is a no from a lot of us. As far as pics are concerned I also took a dim view of no smiles, all being out of focus, pics in cars (get out of the bloody car, there’s a world out there!), fish, tongues etc etc etc etc