Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Oh,good idea. I will have to go into his profile again to do it 😄 stalker alert.

No idea ages of his kids or living arrangements, but things have sort of chilled for me after having such a long break from it all and to be honest,that list I would be looking for in a bloke a few years ago has gone. Just want someone decent.
We have had some great convos about him working up an ancient spire and finding graffiti from 200years ago and how I learnt all king Henry's wives and their misfortunes from TV last week. I think I've turned from slutty to history nerd in my old age lol

@SortingItOut well done on the decree absolute. I'm still in the early stages of sorting out finances and child arrangements. My stbx is abusive so it's hard going.

Will you celebrate?

Evening all,
Glad to read so many happy posts, and to all those not having a good time -sending positive thoughts
My date for tonight is Haagen Dazs and popcorn ( feel free to remind me of this when I next mention how blessed of thigh I am)

Big stonking fly in the ointment today. It had to happen. MM and I gave quite different long term plans. They aren't incompatible but I don't find his very attractive and I'm not sure he's that impressed with mine. He brought up long term plans. I am still focused on short to medium term relationship. Not a deal breaker and I don't think it'll change any anytime soon but he sounded a bit disappointed.

@shitwithsugaron
Cheers 🍻

It confused me @crazycatlady as I'd focused on the actions. We did 5 months. Split for 4 and then on for a further month and he bailed again 🤷🏻‍♀️

Had too much Chinese food this evening already! I think I’m close to a msg coma!
Oh well that was easy sent a message to mr taichi and got a “ok you won’t hear from me again” back, thank goodness for that!

@salty dammit! Hopefully you can both stay with the great short term/mid range future plans and not get caught up in long term plans for a while!

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I wondered if my experiences might be helpful as I think there's a lot of similarities in our situations re time since split, age of kids, and reaction to dating... After a fair few disastrous encounters, including being ghosted, I've decided to step away from it all for a bit. I'm feeling much stronger 10 months on from the split but that equilibrium is well and truly upset when a man enters the picture! I get over invested, over excited and generally go a bit crazy. It affects me and distracts me and this inevitably affects my kids. And my kids, especially ds who is neuro diverse, are really struggling with the split still. So they need all of my head to be free for them. For now. I do feel lonely, so lonely sometimes. But I'm learning to tolerate that feeling and not respond to urges to avoid it. I'm lucky to have an amazing friendship group and they can meet my needs for emotional connection and feeling lovable for a while. I hope this doesn't sound preachy, but we do sound similar so I wanted to reach out and give a different perspective its bloody hard this life lark, and especially so on your own. But we've got this! We're so much stronger than we think.

@shitwithsugaron it's about lifestyle stuff but ultimately comes up down to MM being less driven than me. And he'd say I'm too driven. We will see

@stuckinarut79 It's MM who is thinking so far ahead. I guess we'll see what happens. I don't think it's going to change anything anytime soon. We'll see. He said we've got too much in common to just walk away from it but I suspect this topic will be our rule 13 one day.

Been reading the last few days decided to go on tinder but it’s really awful have had some matches then chats some swapped numbers lots of texts then nothing goes completely disappear why are they so fickle I know it’s on the rules but still rubbish

Things are still going well with Mr S. We are both broke at the moment so will be using some of the cheap date ideas up the thread. I know I'm a bit late to it but if you are near a museum that's free and interested in it, it makes for a nice free date and lots to talk about. I'm going to be broke for the foreseeable future as I need yet another surgery on my wrist so the surgeon isn't allowing me to go back to work yet. Hopefully as he has put it down as urgent it will happen sooner rather than later

Oh I have another question. Who is in talk about the previous relationships vs have no interest in them? MM wants to talk about them, I don't.

This wasn't a deal breaker by any stretch and he has stayed friends with a lot of his exs. I have no problem with that at all. I'm just not interested in hearing about them. He said I'm the first female to not interrogate him. Go figure 🤷‍♂️

@Misty9 that's a lovely post. I can definitely relate to it especially the idea that your equilibrium gets upset when a man appears in your life.
Thank you

I knew I forgot something about the driven thing. MM has a lot more family money than I do. This makes a big difference to what we want to achieve. In other words he can afford a lot more than me with much less effort. He's already shown he is generous but that is not the point for me.

See, this is what I worry about. Me and Mr Ad don't talk about the future. At all. For a few reasons I think. One is because it scares me to think about the future when I'm not even divorced yet and am worried about losing mine and the kids home in the process, two because I don't want to rely on another man ever and three because he has money issues (good job but not good with money) so I can't build a future on that basis.
I'm strictly living in the moment with our relationship.

@EchoElephant

@Sunshineandflipflops it's tough isn't it? I guess I admire MM for bringing it up so soon in some ways. I still like him a lot.

@shitwithsugaron maybe you just felt weird because he'd not mentioned they work together? That's understandable

@saltysally we talk about them and I'll ask questions if we're having a conversation about it. it doesnt bother me much as they are exs. he really dislikes 1 and is friendly with another. think I've said before he looks after her baby and she is still very much in his life I think. I think uv just got to take it for what it is. they are split for a reason and it's nice they are still friends esp for the dc.