Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Ahh well that changes things.
He must have been devastated and over 6ft with big arms and cuddly sounds lovely.
Good luck then !

@bangheadhere40
I think you have been incredibly patient not asking so far!
I think I would have to...especially if it is holding you back from moving on. At least you would then have some clarity about your situation.

@sunshineandflipflops yeah that seems reasonable. hope it goes well. I hate feeling like I have a secret. mr builder stayed last night, wasnt really planned. he left before dd got up tho.

@bangheadhere40 I think if u ask him he'll tell u what u want to hear. if ur happy to wait then I'd ask. if not I'd give him a deadline for a date or say u need to meet x times a month. give him a month and see if he meets it. if not bin him lol.

altho mr builder says he wants to take it slow I feel like some of his actions say otherwise, like talking pretty regular, I might instigate most but he does reply. meeting family also meet1/2 times a week. I wanna tell him just to let himself go but know he was hurt before. said he was infatuated with his ex. part of me feels sad hes not head over heels for me, but I know that's silly.

@menora @tenetenba mr builder has 1yo and a baby who was born after we met. I love the way he is with kids and I admire how he deals with the probs he has trying to see them tbh.

@menora the red flag would worry me usually but if she had an affair I can understand it in suppose lol

Is it better though to ask, or just to cut him out? I really don't know...I don't want to get rejected, but I don't want to keep putting myself through this if nothing is going to come to fruition.

Some of me says wait, some says ignore, and some says just ask!

@nomore has a date too. have I missed the loo update?

@bangheadhere40 you've said before that your situation is quite similar to mine with Miss Confusing and it does sound like that.

Not knowing is the worst, so you can choose to ask directly now or wait - but accept that if you want to wait, you'll be putting yourself through this for longer. I figured that in my case, there was a valid reason for waiting (she was out the country) so I set myself a deadline where I'd ask directly - but fortunately she agreed to meet just before I got to that point.

I also knew that if she said no (which she may well do on Sunday if/when we meet) then I know from past experience I'll be hurt and upset, but will get over it. From previous experience too I know that that's actually easier to handle than the not knowing.

I went round in circles analysing everything she wrote, and asking various friends what they thought I should do. In the end, I just decided to do what I felt was right, and it seems to be paying off.

I also decided to get back on the apps, firstly as it helps distract myself from worrying about Miss Confusing, but also I figured that maybe there is someone who's a better match for me out there - and I'd hate to miss the chance to meet them when I was sitting at home staring at my phone waiting for a reply.

Loo update

Having a lovely time with mr scenery, third drink he’s lovely, easy to chat lots of laughter.
Hope everyone else is having fun

It's taken a while to catch up since yesterday - so many updates, and it's great to see so many happy daters

My date last night with Miss NoName was nice; she is pretty and easy to talk to, but I think we'll end up being friends rather than anything else. I was a bit surprised when she showed me her OLD account, and I was literally the only match she was talking to! I felt a little bit guilty about having 3 more dates arranged in the next 6 days!

My date tomorrow still hasn't been in touch, so I'm not sure it will actually happen - but Friday and Monday dates have both been in touch today to confirm, so they are still on!

Lots of apologetic texts from Mr Joiner about cancelling tonight and firmed plans for Saturday so feeling relieved!

@sunshineandflioflops Mr B stayed for the first time last weekend. My resolve in no sex isn't as strong as yours though! I think it's reasonable to have Mr AD stay over.

@shitwithsugaron it was just fine thank you. 😊😍 I'm now going straight to his next week. Everything else about this relationship has been against everything sensible so may as well continue along the same lines.

Where is @nomore? Hope date is going great!

Is it bad form to point out that you can blatantly see that an iron has been on WhatsApp all night when they say they have been asleep on the sofa ?

Also waiting for @NoMore hope it’s going well.
Sounds good @Salty, rules are made to be broken (other than the group rules obviously)

Had a lovely evening with mr scenery, much more attractive than his picture, and conversation was easy, we’ve messaged and going out again next week, so I’m happy this evening.

Happy is very good @stuckinarut79

Ive broken rules 3&4 so many times over with MM I'm not sure it matters.
He's come up with an idea for Valentines too. Glad I didn't have to prompt anything. 😊

Being all mumsy @saltysally and saying please let someone irl know where you are. I hope it's as good as you both imagine it will be in the flesh 🤞

Thanks @notcoolmum I will do. x

Um... Just got home...

He's lovely. Really really lovely. And we gradually ended up all over each other in the pub (in an affectionate way not a sleazy way). They ended up kicking us out so we migrated to his car and it got.... Um.... Steamy. No sex, but steamy nonetheless.

Seeing him again Sunday and he said he'd text me tomorrow. We spoke on the phone for the half hour drive home.

He just kept looking at me like he couldn't believe his luck and it was so,....weird

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking wow I’m so pleased for you, that sounds like an epic date, and obviously he is lucky (rule 7)! When’s the next date?

@bangheadhere40 4 months and 1 date is a no-go. If you saw him as an occasional fling and wanted nothing more - fine. But you dont. Myself I'd have said I wasnt up for a penpal, you gave him a shot, fair's fair, and then I'd have deleted and stopped responding. I'm a cynic and think asking him will allow him to give reasons / blow smoke up your arse to keep you in the same situation. But if you feel like you cant just ditch it yourself....I'd probably say something like you dont want or need a penpal, where does he see this going....if this doesnt involve an actual date being set up I'd say gpodbye

Super date report @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking

There's a lot of good fortune happening on this thread

Sounds like a great first date @nomore. Feels like there's something in the water on this thread atm. Lots of positive stories.

I agree with @supercali77 @banghead if you see him once every 4 months that's 3x a year. You can't build a relationship from that. No matter how wonderful you feel he is or how strong the connection. He's clearly not ready for a relationship if he isn't able to see someone once a week. I think you put him in the position of penpal or stop talking to him full stop. And, I know this is harsh, but if he wanted to see you enough he would make it happen. His situation isn't changing anytime soon so how long would you want to be in this position?