Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Undecidedsofa I have met 7 men in 16 months of dating! However my best friend was seeing about 2 a week over a few years. If you are lucky enough to meet people you click with, go for it. You have to work out whether your colleague has your best interests at heart though, or just snide.

@crazycatlady20

My ex tells me regularly he has nothing to live for, has been sectioned at the end of 2018 and agreed to a voluntary section at xmas 2019 but there were no beds.

My marriage was full of emotional abuse and I was still stuck in the cycle so when he threatened to kill himself I went running, now i tell him to ring samaritans and ignore him.
Since I met a new chap who I'm in a flirtationship with I've realised the control my ex had over me still even after nearly 2 years seperated.
I dont know how new chap has put up with it all, some evenings I've spent hours crying over it all and yet he still wants me and is not phased by it but did threaten to beat him up if I wanted him to!!!

I'm sure Mr Builder understands none of this is your fault, he sounds like a lot of fun and that he likes you.
He will be pleased you've stood up for yourself.

@sortingitout my relationship was the same, dont know why I stayed so long.

i feel like a great load has been lifted since I split and fortunately at the moment can rise above it all. it really is sad what some people see as normal. I actually feel really sorry for my ex but cany stay with him for that reason.

funny u should say that about mr builder because he plays his cards close to his chest and says he really doesnt want to jump to fast. he does come round often and we have a lot of contact and doesnt seem put off by all this so I suppose actions speak louder than words. he talks a lot about a friend who he thinks is being love bombed and fell to fast for his partner so I'm just trying to take it easy but dont want to look like I dont care 😕

oh and he also offered to beat up my ex! thats the main reason I went to police, to stop my ex pestering mr builder, I can ignore it, dont think mr builder could!

I’ve had 15 first dates in just over two years. There’s no such thing as normal really. People who don’t do OLD have no idea what it’s like. Who cares what they think?

@Notcoolmum lots of sex 😂 or board games etc as others have suggested. We also went thru all the photos in our phones talking about our friends and family and holidays etc that took hours

I only ever went on 2 OLD dates and I’m
Seeing ( or whatever the word is) person 2. Not quite sure how I got here 🤦‍♀️. Even thou my ex left me I did the divorce papers yest once that’s in motion I’ll feel better about going public. It seems too soon in one way but I never really planned it but it feels right. Defo on the smitten bench like a big soppy kid 😂

My teenagers are in the house and I have glass panels in internal doors so that limits things!! 🙈

Lots of sex is what MrSG and I tend to do 😉. It helps not to have glass doors though. Or teenagers under foot.

If you want a video game to play: rocket league is silly and fun. It's football with cars and the matches are short.

So far Mr Muddle and I also go through our photos and talk about things we have done

Going to the arcade was a brilliant date and cost us both about £30

@Jane1978xx Are you going through a solicitor for your divorce or online? I need to get mine sorted really this year but don't know where to begin with next to no money.

This thread moves too fast to keep up with!

I've been a bit busy with life this past week- I don't know if anyone remembers but I had to have a colposcopy, which was yesterday. Thankfully I got the all clear and they didn't even need biopsies. Relieved as it was a weight on my mind.

Mr Cheekbones has messaged about a date tomorrow!!!! 😯😯😯😄😄😄

So Mr Ad is going to spend a bit of time with us this weekend and stay over on Saturday night. The kids are happy with this but ds (12) asked where he will sleep... 😳

I told him in with me. He's already told me he won't have sex with me with the kids in the house so I think that's fair enough...?!

@Notcoolmum You’re not dull, different people like different things. Lets think what we do, Frot mainly, games like mariokart etc, stupid challenges “i bet you can’t hold a squat for ten minutes” or both holding a treat and seeing who the cat comes to first (yes, we are that sad and that competitive), watch TV/films/funny things on youtube, do things separately, so like right now, he’s revising and i’m wasting time on my phone, or could be reading etc.

@Undecidedsofa I was wondering if I've done the wrong thing by doing the opposite. I only dated a few irons, though messaged with more, and then stuck with dating the same person fairly quickly.

Mr Muddle just booked us a spa day. I am PMSL

@Menora didn't you say he has a tiny baby? Does that not worry you? Such a quick jump for him to invest in something new so quickly and why leave a woman with a newborn?
Genuine question ?
I think I over think EVERYTHING now and am suspicious of everyone since coming out of an abusive marriage. I'm determined not to experience another bad relationship but am so suspicious!

@sunshineandflipflops sounds good. how long have u been seeing each other?

In one of my bored moods tonight. plenty to do but not really in the mood so gonna overthink lol. for those with experience of men who want to take things slow. how long do u find them it takes to make their mind up? lol

@crazycat I wish I knew how bloody long....there's slow and there is stagnant.

I wish I had some hope with mr straight, but I'm expecting nothing now....expect nothing...if something materialises great! Trying to be on tinder, few chats but no one I like talking to ☹

@crazycatlady20 Just over 5 months. The dc met him just before Xmas for the first time and then again on NYE but this will be the first sleepover.

It's not something I intend to make a habit of as I cherish my weekends with the kids but I realise that I keep my love life and family life very separate and while there are merits in that, I'd like to blend them a little more if I can.

I don't think I'm going to be able to like anyone else until something happens one way or the other with mr straight.

I don't want to appear pushy, but should I just ask him what he wants? Or just take things as they come? We have only had 1 date in reality but chatted daily for 4 months now.

I know I sound stupid.

@Tenetenba

He does! He lives around the corner from them, literally and on questioning he sees them regularly at her house for now as baby is so small. He’s building up to having baby himself overnight as baby gets older. He takes the 5 and 14 yo himself though. He showed me his like schedule he has with ex and he seems an involved dad. The spa day is like a Tuesday in February not a weekend away. He’s also very lovely when he talks about his DC and proud and he doesn’t say anything really Awful about his ex except he has found it hard. It’s such a weird situation.

There is 1 flag which I think is common - he’s not really very up for helping to babysit on her terms as he knows she is going out to see the affair partner - so he suggests dates and times what suit him more

Can someone talk some sense into me 😅

@Tenetenba

She ended their marriage as she had met someone else at work whilst pregnant, he says she didn’t admit this at first and ended it saying fell out of love with him etc but then admitted she was with someone else - and the baby is only 3 months old. I was going for FWB but I am not sure he wants the same

Yes bang ask him and tell him you need clarity to make a decision about that to do with your life - you have nothing to lose