Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Haha @saltysally. I think I'm really dull. I don't really do sexting or photos. Am I in the minority?

Good luck with your new FWB @supercali77. Hopefully he will be just what you need.

I'm a bit meh. Me and the bf have ended up just sitting on the sofa and watching tv on our evenings together. And I'm missing a bit of fun and excitement. We are both skint which doesn't help. Any ideas on how to give things a bit of excitement on a budget?

@notcoolmum we aren't sexting or sending photos either. He's just concerned about accidentally messaging the wrong person

You aren't dull. Do what works for you

OK. So not been on thread much because a) set up as self-employed and with the admin that entails and the fact I already have paying work (!) I've been spending a lot of time on that. Kids have been low-level ill and therefore foul and.... I have a new iron.

Mr Rough Diamond (I'm running out of sensible names). We matched on Bumble roughly a week ago, switched to Whatsapp on Friday and he worked out today that since Friday we have spent 51 hours on the phone or video chatting. We did arrange a date ASAP - he asked me on that Friday to be fair, but I had a child weekend so we've spent all this time getting massively over-invested without having met.

I'm meeting him in just under two hours and I am as nervous about this date as I was about my first one as a teenager. I fucking like like him. He's amazing. What if it's just not there in person? fuck fuck fuck. So stupid but I have just loved talking to him. We haven't even been putting on our 'trying to impress you' selves. We've talked about real shit. He's been on handsfree while I did the washing up and tried to get children to go back to bed. He's seen all the ugly bits and he's still interested and I am bloody crapping myself that it won't work in person.

He's 6 years younger than me. No kids, but close to his niece. Doesn't want kids. Has worked his way up from an apprenticeship to a degree and a decent role at an engineering company. He's a little bit geeky, very smart, very kind, funny and dark humour and kinky. Fucking perfect on paper.

Loo update will be happening. Watch this space.

Wish me luck. Need to shovel food down kids, change my top and freshen makeup. Does burgundy cord mini skirt, black v-neck tee, forest green cardie and black tights and boots sound OK for a pub dinner?

@notcoolmum I'm the same. skint and so is mr builder. we have been sitting in. we only really meet in the evenings so picnics/walks etc wouldnt really work.

@nomore hope it goes great! that's a lot of talking already lol.

Outfit sounds perfect. Look forward to the loo update @nomore

Yeh we only have evenings really too @crazycatlady it feels like it's gotten too cosy too quickly. I want some fun!!

@saltysally I misunderstood. I assumed you needed extra security due to the content of your messages!

Good luck @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking

Urgh Mr Joiner has cancelled tonight's date, he's delayed at work ☹️

Hoping it's just that and not the start of the end ....

@Notcoolmum Time consuming (to eat), cook at the table dinners can be a good way to avoid just staring at the tv. Fondue is fun. Raclette. Korean barbecue type things. You'd need something to cook them on/in I guess, but once you've got it you can spend ages consuming cheese in copious quantities.

Good luck Nomore!

Dance that is rubbish. What is his excuse? Has he made another date?

Not cool - Mr Muddle brought over the game Uno today and we played that
We may also have got a bit carried away snogging and did some teenage dry humping 😂

When I posted this morning he had left to go and get some food. He came back and we sat on the sofa chatting and playing a game and googling random things

He is over 5 years younger than me and we live 40 mins apart. He has very small children including a tiny baby

I don’t think that I am getting the FWB I was expecting - he’s a fully paid up member of my fan club so I have gone from Mr Moving to Mr Muddle (they have THE SAME CHRISTIAN NAME 😳😂😂😂😂)

Mr Muddle is not perfect. I am really hoping he doesn’t over play his side on me and make me run away I’m really worrying about this now. This was not the plan!!

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking have a fun evening!

I'm trying to catch up, but getting in a muddle with names..
RE progesterone/mirena etc. I found out I couldn't have any hormonal contraception at all - I was diagnosed with PMDD - I have a copper coil but also had an ablation so it didn't worsen my periods.
I have no idea re menopause or anything though, as I don't know when my last period will have been. Since the op and coil, I have had just the mildest PMT symptoms. It has been a life saver.

On another note, can I ask you how often you date/meet new irons?
I had a comment at work today that I should take a break/slow down (could have just been snideness)
I joined mid Oct, so just over 3 months and have met 9 men ...is that unusual? I may be being sensitive..

notcool I love playing boardgames and video games (Eg singing, dancing - not shooting) with irons, plus going for walks. DC have left home and I’m finally considering buying a second-hand games console 😂

*undecided. It's pretty impressive but not a problem unless it's a problem for you x

Undecidedsofa 9 dates in 3 months doesn't sound excessive. I'm sure I dated a similar number, maybe more at the beginning of last year.
Does it matter what other people think?

My single friends understand how OLD works but married ones seem to think it's all about hookups. And can't seem to understand why I don't meet someone then immediately declare I'm in a relationship with them.

crazycatlady20 good to hear that the police took you seriously. I hope your ex doesn't do anything like that again.
Keep all the evidence. If necessary send a copy to a friend so it doesn't get accidentally deleted.
The person I know going through similar had little hard evidence so it took months for the police to take any action.

NoMoreWeepingAndWanking good luck with the date. Hope it goes well.

saltysally all sounds great! I'm also over-invested.

I had a coffee date today. It was the second time we've met. With a gap of about 4 months between.
It was nice to see him again but it felt awkward. We both struggled to find things to talk about.
He only wants something casual, which suits me at the moment. But I'm just not sure. And I don't know why.

He's asked to see me again next week. But I'm avoiding the message while I decide what to do

Thanks for the suggestions. I tend to exercise early evening so we have eaten by the time he comes over. We've done plenty of snogging and dry humping (and more) but I'm just craving something more fun. It's too soon to feel like an old married couple.

Thank you both, I don't think it matters to me - it just stung a bit as I had confided in her/chatted to her about it.
Thank goodness for you guys - you 'get it', I was thinking I was going through them too quickly, the thing is you just don't know til you meet someone...the one I met and thought 'yes' isn't possible with work/distance.
I think I am feeling sensitive and a bit jaded; I would love to join the smitten bench.

@undecidedsofa they're being snidey. No one else's business. Plus people who've never done it don't understand oldating. When I first read this thread freshly out of my marriage I was horrified and didn't get it. Took me actually starting old myself to get it.

Like all the people on MN threads who throw uk their hands in horror and say they could never do OLD. Yeah right, love. Let's see how you feel when you're single.

@Menora we had already planned to get together on Saturday so will see if he gets in touch later.
He messaged to say he was really busy at work and wouldn't be finished before 7pm and did I mind if we didn't meet up tonight.

Will keep you all posted on how it goes ...

@Undecidedsofa

I was meeting new men 2-3 times a week at one point. Then I met him, and deleted my apps! Just getting to the point now where it's progressing to the "shall we move in" stage, bloody fast!

Thank you @unambiguousbeard and @okiedokieme ( and, yay!!) @EchoElephant and @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking.
It’s bloody hard work getting the balance right & still trying to be ‘me’ too..

@undecidedsofa if none of them are sticking then it doesn't seem too many at all. I've lost track of how many men I've met over the last 18 months!

@notcoolmum we have been trying some of the kids games too. turned one in to a drinking game for the weekend lol (making up for my missed youth). hes thought me new card games, played kids safety darts lol. dont play properly as I can barely hit the board lol

I agree it's noones business. I wouldn't 🐝 telling my colleagues something like that though. Rumour Mill gets out of hand

@notcoolmum - I wish one would stick!!only mr popcorn stuck, and that was untenable due to time/ distance etc

@saltysally I think I will keep it to myself moving forwards; she is someone I socialise with away from work, she new my last long term partner.. I wanted to tell her to f/off !

undecided if you have irons and time date as many as you can. Old is a numbers game. People don’t understand until they do it.