Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@sortingitout i called 101 and have an app to go to the police station today. call handler wasnt sure if they would be able to do anything tho.

ex did message and apologise yesterday but still going to report it as no doubt he'll start again the next time he has a drink.

crazycatlady20 hope it goes well with the police today. Take any evidence you have with you. Even if they don't do anything now, get it logged in their system. Then if anything more happens get that logged as well. It builds up a picture of what is going on in case they need to take action later.

We've also started to use Signal (messaging app) to keep our messaging separate to WhatsApp. It was MM's idea and a very good one.

Hi everyone. I've been trying to catch/keep up (although I don't have anything useful to add, given how far my life is from 'dating' these days 😂).

@Stuckinarut79 @shitwithsugaron I had a mirena for nearly a decade and had no problems at all with weight gain or moods (well, not caused by the mirena anyway; life had other ideas). And no periods. So that was all lovely.

I'm sorry to hear about all the trouble you're having @crazycatlady20. I hope the police are helpful and you can sort everything out. This is not something you (or anyone else) should need to deal with.

Everything is going ok here (well except for work, which is unbelievably shit even by the very low standards of my workplace). MrSG is totally great. We're going to Iceland for a weekend (not this weekend but the one after). The new house is lovely. DS1 has finally gotten a job (and moved out 😱). The pregnancy is going well (I'll be 16 weeks on Friday). As I said: I'm not sure my life is at all relevant to the thread these days (other than as an indication that OLD can work out, I guess).

Yes it is lovely to hear from you @woo

I have the mirena and it's been good for me. Have had one since 2007. My periods stopped completely with the first. And I have minor spotting with the second. No idea if it affects my mood as it's been in for so long but I do still get pms. I've been able to lose weight with the coil in. Have also put weight on but I think that's because I'm greedy.

What's the signal app @saltysally and why is it preferable to WA?

And it's good to hear from you @WooMaWang OLD can sometimes feel doom and gloomy so it's good to hear a positive story. How do you feel about starting again as one flies the nest?!

I will not tell you about my mirena experiences it will put you off 😂

Mr Muddle actually came over today as I WFH (haha). I was in 2 minds if this was a good idea....but I am not getting any bad vibes from him he’s who he says he is on social media etc. He’s off work for 2 more weeks then going back. I am slightly worried I am currently a distraction for him from all what has gone on and that’s what I need to keep an eye on. I don’t want to be responsible for his happiness in any way and I think that is one danger

He is like a big sweet cute affectionate cuddly bear. We kind of discussed not having sex yet (I’m on my period) and he said he was happy to wait and enjoy just kissing and spending time together. He’s actually quite thoughtful. Also I am still very attracted to him - he’s over 6ft and has big arms and lovely blue eyes. He runs a lot so he is quite fit

He does bloody smoke tho (I’ve given up for 5 years) but I notice he doesn’t smoke around me and he only faintly smells of smoke and it’s not really a total dealbreaker

@crazycatlady20

Not all call handlers know the law regarding harassment/stalking threats.

As Woo says, get it all logged so there is a record.

I hope it goes well today.

Lovely to hear from you woo shows that this old crap can pay off!

Look at salty in lurrrv

Sounds great menora

Feeling a bit flat today re Big. We have lots of dates planned and a few full weekends but with the distance and all our kids the time we can see each other is so limited. We have discussed him coming over when I have the kids which we are both open to but it feels like a massive step and the only night he realistically can is the worse night for me. Blaaaaah 10 days till our next date!

@Notcoolmum It doesn't quite feel like starting again. Mostly because MrSG has little kids, so I'd already returned to all that stuff in various ways anyway.

Having DS1 move out is weirder. I have no idea how he's doing because he neither answers his phone or texts. And even when he does, I get no useful info out of him. His dad has to live with him for the first time in his entire life - so he can enjoy dealing with a stinky nearly 20 year old who never comes out if his room.

There's a 9 year gap between DS1 and 2, and a nearly 11 (or 20 in DS1's case) gap to this one. I doubt I'll be thinking about having another one in another decade though. 😂

@sortingitout they took down all the details. specifically looked for name calling txts but I had that many screenshots I could barely find them as lots were of just his constant messaging.

I told them I wasnt particularly scared, it was more a nuisance until the messages the other day so they are going to contact my ex and ask him to stop. hopefully itll calm down a bit.

thanks for all the help from the thread.

Hey @WooMaWang it all sounds so lovely.

Re mirena, I didn't mean to put anyone off it, I'm just annoyed I can't use it. If it works for you it's supposed to be great but good to have an awareness of possible low mood so you know it's that( if you get it...) and that you're not actually going nuts.

Hormonal craziness of one form or another is sadly a specialist subject of mine. Think my thyroid is still out of whack. May explain my sealed up fanjo and disinterest in men as well as my low mood and exhaustion, who knows...

@saltysally Ah very good, I imagine video messaging gives you a prety clear idea (both sides) of whether you'll fancy in person anyway

So, after I ended things with my iron there I decided to take some time off dating, and then 2 days later got the horn and got in touch with someone i'd seen over xmas. There were no red flags and we had a fun evening, although - drunk the sex was not great - so i'd decided to leave it as we are in diff life stages (he's same age but no kids, and does want them) .....Anyway, feeling restless 0 I hit him up with a 'proposal' - FWB in essence. He said yes! So there we go

@notcoolmum MM was particularly keen to message in a different app just due to nature of our comms. Hahaha No risk of accidentally sending his mum a sex toy link then

@marlbs shhh you'll wreck my cool impression 😂

@supercali77 congrats on the new FWB. Sounds like a great match! I can't imagine not getting along with MM. He has already asked when we can meet after Friday week. Hahaha Not just me that's overinvested.

@saltysally I love a bit of mutual overinvestment hehe X

How about group over investment ?😬😊

@crazycatlady20

I'm so pleased they took it seriously, hopefully a quiet word will be enough to stop him.

If you had asked me before xmas was I scared of my ex, I would have laughed and said no.
Since xmas I would say yes and probably burst into tears.
I honestly never believed my ex husband would put a tracker in my car, come into my house and take my stuff and try and hack all my accounts but he did.
I am genuinely frightened of him now and he thinks I'm pretending to be frightened.

@sortingitout that does sound scary! it's terrible what people think they can inflict on others.

it just feels good to have reported it, show him I'm not taking his crap. he is saying he has nothing to live for so may do something he usually wouldnt. better to be safe than sorry.

police also called and spoke to mr builder. not really what u want a few months after meeting someone! lets hope guys dont have the same 'avoid those with crazy exs' rule 🙈

@unambiguousbeard I'm sure we can get a thread discount on overinvesting. There's enough of us doing it!

@shitwithsugaron oddly I'm enjoying this build up. We are getting to know each other well and I just love hearing his voice. It's so damn hot.

@supercali77 yeah he's just as bad. He even has arranged his sti tests. 😂