Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@crazycatlady how did he know how to contact your iron?

@crazycatlady20 you can also get a solisitor to send a letter saying he is harrasing you and to stop all contact.

thanks everyone. I haven't done anything about it till now as he has a drinking prob and obv very depressed about split. it doeant bother me much and I can block or ignore him. have a DD so need to unblock after hes calmed down.

ex is not a friend on FB but managed to see a comment from Mr Builder on a profile pic and guessed.

I'm just concerned about the violence threats to mr builder. ex isnt a fighter but says he has nothing to live for. mr builder would happily meet him as he doesnt take kindly to being threatened 😫🙁

I dont know how to PM. I also use it on my phone maybe that's why.

I just want to give him a fright really. enough to make him stop 🙁

@crazycatlady20

I would ring 101 for advice, a quiet word from the police might be enough to make him stop.

I'm in a similar predicament as we have kids and need to keep contact.

I have spoken to my ex and told him I will ho to the police if he continues and also blocked him on most things.

We do have to remember that just because our ex's are ill doesnt mean they can get away with this behaviour.

At the top of the thread, to the right of the mumsnet logo is a person symbol. If you click on there you can access PMs.

Not sure if it works as I thought I read somewhere it doesnt work on phones

pm's don't work on phones!

@crazycatlady20 I think he needs a word, and I would ring 101, sorry this is happening.

Pm Works on my iPhone as long as I’m
On web page and not the app

crazy the law has recently changed. If you report it as harassment they will take it seriously: If you want he will be arrested and questioned under caution. You can just make a statement though so it’s on record. Phone the local police station and ask. I have done it twice. Once I had to go to the station and 2nd time an officer came to my house

crazycatlady20 exactly what Marlboroandmalbec34 says.
Harassment is taken very seriously. I would recommend going to the police and making a statement.
Keep all the evidence that you have - text messages, screenshots etc. You can choose if you want him to receive a caution. Or just want it on record in case it needs to be taken further at a later date.

thanks everyone. going to give them a call at lunch and see what they say.

I'm now worried he might be messaging other people that I dont know about.

Glad you are going to call them cat

I made the error today of looking up Mr Muddle on FB. We are meeting up tonight
Yeah his STBX is very pretty, small and blonde. I don’t know why I do this to myself 😂 I was the same with my last ex his wife was tiny and blonde and he still loved her and made comments about my weight and that she was tiny

I am hefty, very wobbly and round and brunette

I’ve joined a gym. I’ve got to get to a better place about my weight

Maybe I am you? Haha I don’t know what to wear! Nothing fits me! I wore a very nice outfit to the last date but I was so uncomfortable (too tight) I spent most of the date trying to breathe and adjust my position so I wasn’t cut in half 😭

Tonight we are going for dinner and then bowling type place, so maybe more casual I can get away with

I’m blessed every bloody where. Boobs about 38DD now, arse is huge as are legs. Which is why if I wear something that goes in at the waist it makes me look better but it’s just so uncomfortable

I have a really inappropriate dress I could wear - it’s tiny because it rides up over the giant bum. But it is comfy. Jeans I am very meh about I am not the shape for them. Leggings feel too casual

So, I’ve been seeing someone from PoF for the majority of this month. He’s really into me, and that feels really really good after I’ve been cheated on, but I’m not as into him. I like him, but not as much I
As I know he likes me. Is that ok? He’s not someone I would ever introduce to my children, but then I don’t want to introduce anyone to them ever. I’m enjoying having a separate part of my life, but he’s talking about spending the night at his and going away for the weekend (difficult logistically). How did you tell (teenagers) that you were dating, especially when they think you’re ancient?!

Hi Mylife

Probably need to look at the situation with your date, is it fair on him if you are not on the same page - you need to make it clear what you are looking for, don’t blindly wander into a RS with him if you don’t want to. If he’s more invested it’s kinder to have that chat sooner rather than later - you can ask to slow down and that you aren’t ready to go too fast

As for teens I just tell mine I’m off on a date I don’t lie to them, they don’t always ask though

I have told mine if I'm dating too.

I have a new iron on tinder, ticking boxes so far. Conversation seems to be drying up though....not responding with questions....

How do people do this? Do you just leave it? 😅

@Menora. I knew that would be the advice, just needed to be told! I’ve been too selfish about having attention, it’s been a long time!

@bangheadhere40. I’ve had a few on tinder where the conversation has dried up and I’ve just unmatched, this online stuff has turned me ruthless though!

If the chat dies I just say RIP and move on

MyLife it’s ok to enjoy yourself the danger is you will find yourself in a RS you don’t want to be in because you haven’t spoke up. It’s ok to be selfish in what you want from life, but be honest and open about it!

@bangheadhere40 Same, i've always just ditched the convo. I don't bother to unmatch but if it's like pulling teeth I doubt it would get much better down the line

@menora can you wear the inappropriate dress with leggings?