Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Got date 6 with Mr Joiner on Wednesday and date 7 planned for Saturday night too!
It's only been 3 weeks since date 1 so trying not to over invest 🙈

We need an overinvested smitten bench

Eeek salty!!! So pleased for you. Where are you? I think you and I could be besties. If your looking for female friends have meeeee!

Me and Big (sorry I’m gonna channel Carrie Bradshaw and drop the Mr) are trying to coordinate diaries. It’s a bloody nightmare. I always knew it would be hard work as we have our kids on opposite rotation. We are looking at 11 days before we can get together and that’s if I can get a sitter arggghhh. Still pretty smitten and happy to be taking about it properly with him!

You have a PM @malrbs and I agree x

@saltysally I'd be parked right on that bench!

Well I'd come and join you on there even though I'm neither for the snacks and warm fuzzies...

After you've been hurt/burnt by dating, do you have a break or get back on the apps?

We're all different @Misty9 . I tried getting straight back on but swiped all of tinder quite quickly (and I live in London) I couldn't be bothered with the messaging let alone a date and the men I swiped were all exactly like my exbf. I was really cynical and just off it. I kept going for a couple of months though. I'm now on a break and I can't see when I'll go back on. Was supposed to be til feb but I'm enjoying the freedom and being single. Once we hit spring I'll probably finally feel like it but I'm currently sealed up. And weirdly loving it. It's been 3 mo this since I've had a shag! Not gone anywhere near that long since I was married 😁

But there have been several people on here who got lucky very soon after splitting with someone. I'm looking at you lot, Jesuis, Sharon 😁, Kermit, and probably some others I've forgotten. So it might work out for you.

can I ask a question about reporting exs to police for being a nuisance/threatening. what do they normally do, just note it or go speak to them?

@crazycatlady20 it depends on what level of threatening/nuisance. Could be anything from just noting it, having a word to a caution or arrest.

Evening,
Mr movies is either insane or smitten...he is driving down here to take me to the cinema tomorrow night as dd is at her dads (rarely happens) he lives about 2 hours away. I’ve said we can eat here as we’ve been out a couple of times already - the car park snog must have had an impact!? 😂
Mr Boat who asked if I wanted to meet but then disappeared when I asked when he was thinking of has been back & viewed me twice today- I’m confused there.
Mr Spa still wants to meet but can’t seem to grasp the concept that I work full time & have dd...he works intermittently & has grown up kids.
It’s quite hard work today..
So lovely to read about happy outcomes 💕

@undecidedsofa - Mr Movies sounds like he's not thinking with his brain right now... Take care and decided beforehand if you're planning to make full use of your empty house or if you're not ready to DTD yet.

I'd give up on irons that give confusing messages, or who aren't understanding. Maybe that's just me though.

@Misty9 when I was dumped quite badly by MrT I was distraught! I didn't know whether I was coming, going or already been, I was swiping but very half heartedly and I wasn't really in it so had a break. 6 weeks later I swiped right on what has become my soulmate and future husband. There has been some really heartwarming success stories on this thread including a baby! This thread and the lovelies in it helped me along the way by sharing their stories whether they be good, bad or ugly! MrM and I are totally, utterly and beautifully committed to each other and are inseparable - from the very beginning we have seen each other at least 4 times a week and are not only on the same page but also on the same line! Ride the storm out as you really don't know what the future has in store for you

Thank you @UncorrectedDoormat
I thought that too! He’s booked cinema tickets & there’ll be a quick turnaround between dinner & going out.
I think I’d dtd, but I’m guilty of often not waiting & then things ending, so I may practice restraint...
I think I’m giving up on mr spa unless he stops being flaky, I’m not messaging him ..if he Wants to arrange something, he will have to fit in with me or it wouldn’t work.
Mr boat gets deleted on Wednesday if still no contact by then.

@KermitRulesOk, you sound so happy
@Misty9 I tend to hide for a day or two, watch indulgent nonsense on tv, eat my body weight in chocolate/crisps/cheese and then get back to it- I’m not sure if that’s the healthiest response but it works for me!

Hi all, long time lurker (2 years ! )
I’ve met someone who I really like but .... he has bad breath. Would you dump him or say something and give him a chance to address the issue ?

@Spidermom76

How many times has he had it? Is it too much for kissing? I began to dread kissing ex due to his breath

@crazycatlady20

what is happening? I think if you are scared or feel pestered in any way then yes call 101

crazy when I reported an ex for harassment they spoke to him and told him not to contact me again.

And I had to go to the police station to do it, I couldn't do it via 101 or online.

@menora @batshitcrazy it's been a year since we split, just general nonsense of being angry at the split, wanting to discuss it, not knowing when to stop messaging. hes now managed to message mr builder on SM trying to act hard. telling me he will gouge his eyes out and knife him etc. said hes going to post a video of me having sex (which doesnt exist) that he says hes found on internet.

oh also constant threats of suicide and calling me unsavoury names.

I dont believe any of it but now he has messaged Mr Builder I'm concerned. Mr Builder has not taken kindly to it and I'm scared if they actually ever meet.

@crazycatlady20 i recently got legal advice about similar things and they said you can apply for a non molestation order, ie can not contact you, or come within a certain distance. If they do, the police get involved and he will get it on record.

crazycatlady20 that's sounds horrible. I don't have direct experience of this but I know someone who went through similar. And now I've been caught up in it.
PM me if you want and I can tell you what I know about the police procedure.

@bangheadhere @bangheadhere40 it's not nasty really..... I did say we should speak on the phone (before I ended it) but he chose to text so...its a messier way

@notcoolmum no I dont think so....I think theres asking why and being upset....which is just normal

@crazycatlady20

You can report ot to the police who will take a statement, then generally they speak to him and tell him to behave, if it continues then they will arrest him.
You can also get a non-molestation order through the courts.

I'm going through similar with my ex husband, we are 21 months seperated and practically divorced and since he found out I'm having sex with someone he has upped the emotional abuse which happened during our marriage and has moved on to harassment and stalking.
I haven't gone to the police yet as I know he's mentally unwell and also it will affect his job prospects as he generally applies for jobs which require a DBS.
He's unemployed currently as he quit his job in September.

Feel free to PM but please tell me on the thread as I use mumsnet on my mobile and csnt access messages on here.