Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@tiger oh god, the grave pic is awful, and why!

I am finding as well photos of men in pairs ( with a friend), one is ok, one is not....I can't tell which one they are!

The only 2 from today have shortened my name so that's no good. The other one just how r u.....

This is going to be difficult!

@shitwithsugaron Mr List sounds great. Good idea about talking about how you put barriers up. Will ask Mr Music about how he does that. 😊

"I am finding as well photos of men in pairs ( with a friend), one is ok, one is not....I can't tell which one they are!*

Maybe I was always unlucky, but for me it always turned out that they were the not ok one

TigerDater what an awful picture to have on a dating profile.

bangheadhere40 until I learnt about the 1km trick I used to just swipe right on nearly everyone on Tinder. Because you just never know!

I hate having my name shortened by someone I've never met. And even worse if they add 'ie' at the end, Echoie. I always correct them.

saltysally Mr Music sounds lovely.

Hi guys, hope you don’t mind me posting. I have been lurking for some time and enjoy catching up with your exploits. I have been separated for 8 months now (not through choice- Cheating DH) ) and was thinking of dipping my toe back in the water.

Do you not find it all a bit exhausting? I am struggling with being a single parent to a 3 year old and when I read this thread (every day!) I sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed with the thought of it all. Do you become hardened to the knock backs and idiots? My biggest fear is that a lot of the men on the sites will have cheated on their previous partners, Hence the reason they are on there something, and I am wary of that. They aren’t going to tell you though, are they? How do I deal with that fear? My view at the age of 38 is that most of the best ones will already be married or taken. Do you find it hard work? I know I’m going to have to put in the hours to maybe have a chance of meeting someone decent but the thought terrifies me!

Hi @Teafortwohundred and welcome :-)

I don't really have any advice, as people have said the only way is to hold back and not invest too soon until they show you who they really are and ask questions. Try and look at it as a bit of fun at first and expect nothing out of it. Maybe just get on tinder and start swiping? It is hard work though, the main gripe I think is chats just dropping off, and also lack of wanting to meet up, as well as the standard ghosting behaviour!

I have just been swiping, most are in boxers with a beer can, and a fag in hand!

Also, try and always have a few chats on the go, as to not over invest in one ! That is what I am trying to do now, if you have read my story.

@bangheadhere40 yes name shortening is tedious overfamiliarity, which annoys me greatly; but it's a little worring that you feel the need to ask here if it's OK or not, surely what matters is how you feel about it?

@starryunicorn...yes I didn't like it....and have binned! :-)

teafortwo not knowing who you might meet - a cheater or the most amazing man in the world - is both the scary and the exciting thing about OLD I guess, it’s a lottery. Use the rules and buckle up, it can be a hell of a ride. Quite often the most enjoyable thing is sharing on this thread 😂. There are some great success stories though, and along the way you will meet some nice and some interesting people

Teafortwohundred welcome.
My advice would be to try a few apps and see which one you like best. Make sure you have good photos of yourself.
Yes, it can be exhausting and if you feel like that, then it's time to have a break. But you can also meet some lovely people. And there have been some great success stories shared on here.

This thread is amazing and very supportive so just ask if you need any advice

My advice would be at least at first set your distance pretty small it’s then (in theory) easier to meet people. And also easier further down the line to meet up etc.

So I’m feeling like some giddy teenager 🙈. From being casual to being a proper bf/gf couple is weird. Feel like I’m properly getting feelings now and I’m scared in a good way. I’ve always had a good life as in job, family, friends etc but my ex h was a shit and it’s like that missing piece of someone who likes and wants me

Welcome teafortwo you do become a bit hardened to it I think. Keep reading the thread rules, they are hard learned lessons. You might meet a cheater or a twat in any form. You might meet someone amazing. It’s all a gamble.

Sounds lovely jane 😍

Welcome @teafortwohundred

I agrre with what @Marlbs said. It can be tough but it can work. There has been a lot of success on these threads over the years.
It can also be tedious time consuming and downright disheartening and that's when you need to take a break.

It's funny that right now I'm using Bumble BFF to meet some new female friends and I'm not sure they act that different to men on the dating section.

Thanks everyone. I will give it a go and report back in due course! The thing about the nice pics, I have looked at both male and female profiles online to help me with mine and the thing that struck me was how much more effort we put into photos and profile than so many men do!

That is true Tea
The guy I dated yesterday is 100 times better looking than in his awful photos. Bad angles, bad lighting and one he is actually sweating (been running) I don’t know what he was thinking when he put them up... they will do?

Feeling shit. My iron is not taking the ending well. He's gone out for drinks. All over the place with messaging. Have tried to be nice but firm. I don't want to block but have muted for now. Jesus it's hard

teafortwo it’s a good point re male photos, they are often really bad and I have generally been happily surprised when meeting in real life how much more attractive they are in person. In fact, I would almost go so far as actively discounting a good-looking guy with good pictures as a player!

A quick update from me, as I've been having a quiet week getting over my cold, and chatting to my matches on Bumble and Hinge.

I've got my re-arranged date with Miss NoName tomorrow which I'm looking forward to, as we've been chatting a fair bit over the last couple of weeks.

I've also got a date with Miss Insurance on Thursday, but she doesn't get in touch very often so I'm not convinced it will happen. I have also just arranged to meet Miss Pineapple on Friday, and Miss CatLady on Monday! It feels a bit odd having so many dates lined up within such a short period of time, but all my irons seem to have come to fruition at the same time!

And the big news is that Miss Confusing has said she's free to meet on Sunday!

@cat great news about the dates, just keep going 😁

And good about miss confusing! I think the key is just set up others like I'm trying to and just seeing how it goes with the original one.

@cat be careful though, I know mr straight showed a lot more interest when he knew I had been out with others! It should have come naturally, not through jealousy!

@supercali...I would just block if that bad, is he being nasty?

Let's hope he doesn't do a Mr Moving @supercali77 do you think we behave differently when we are the ones that are dumped?

@supercali77 don’t be too nice and allow him to vent to you. No means no!

And god no I always behave with dignity even if I am ghosted or dumped horribly, I would not be able to behave like that having been on the receiving end!