Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@shitwithsugaron absolutely, no more sexting and a bit more honesty from me I need to lower expectations here!!

@supercali77 thanks, yes you are right!

I'm going to stay on tinder and actively get swiping later on and keep my options open, I understand about the false intimacy. I guess I have to look at it that if he does sort meeting out again that is great and I will go from there, but in the meantime I can't wait around with all this faffing about. If anything it will stop me over investing, I hope!

@Stuckinarut79 it's worth a meet, but if you are getting a massive vibe that something isn't right then it may be best to cancel. I guess you won't know though until you meet.

@bangheadhere40 Tbh it's worth asking yourself if this is enough for you - occassional meets. Lots of texts. The iron I just ended it had the same issue. Offshore + kids + lived an hours drive and that was with a lot of effort on both part.

@supercalli77 - normally it wouldn't be, but to be completely honest when I met him I have never felt the instant attraction so much before, and he was a really nice man! Completely different to the men I normally go for. I know I sound deluded! It would be enough for me, if I could see he was interested and there was a long term potential.

As it stands because of the uncertaintly I don't know what he wants, and I don't want to push him, as I need to feel he wants to sort it out for himself.

I know I need to get a massive grip!

@bangheadhere40 instant attraction ime is massively overrated haha. As in, it's got me in some goddamn scrapes. Based on the situation, issues with initial meet - Keep your sensible head on. Options open.

Def keep your options open @bangheadhere40 imho you don't know him. Just a version of himself he's shown you on messages. And his family situation is at best complicated...

@Notcoolmum I am going to, I just needed to hear that really! I'm hoping he sets up another date but can't force anything....will wait and see.

I just went on tinder with my location and there were about 5 men and then it said I had ran out.

Wow @bangheadhere40 do you live on a remote island?! It takes me AGES to complete tinder!! Bumble is easy to finish though 😂

bangheadhere40 is that with tinder set to 1km? If yes, then it's only showing the ones that have right swiped you. You just have to keep looking and new ones will appear.

@echo no this was a general search!! There aren't many men round here, hence only finding ones who live a little bit further away, which is frustrating.

Sorry! That is frustrating.
I have a similar problem with Bumble.

@Notcoolmum I live mainly around lakes and mountains, the nearest city to me is about 70 miles away!

Which is why the distance doesn't bother me so much, I am going to have to travel if I want to meet someone, the problem is most men don't like the distance.....:-(

Last night Mr Music and I talked about how it feels like there is a lot at stake with this relationship and that's what makes it exciting but because there's a lot at risk it feels a bit scary. We agreed too keep talking to we pace this right. He also listened to me vent this morning for about 20 minutes about a problem at work and was a great ear and perspective. I think I've found a good man this time.

We agreed to keep talking so we pace this right.

Salty it sounds like you have!

I’m staying on Tinder for sure 😂
Mr Muddle seems cheerful today and I am meeting him tomorrow night. Going to reassess the urge to lick his face as it could just be hormones

Roughly what percentage of men do you tend to swipe right on? I've just been through about 200 and only liked the look of about 2 to swipe right!

@shitwithsugaron interesting! I think maybe I could be too fussy. It's so hard when it's just based from a picture, I know when I have met people normally it's more the personality that has attracted me. One of the matches messaged me back but just one word answers...

I've had it before that they message sporadically but then there's the challenge of how to actually setup a date. I will keep going :-)

Of course just as I am getting into swiping Mr Straight message me...again, no word of another meet yet so will just keep on swiping!

@shitwithsugaron I know! I thought it was just going to be a penpal situation until he actually met me. I had resigned myself to that so it was a shock.

He is saying that he is trying his best to get some time, but he doesn't know when that will be, he will find a way somehow though! Nothing I can do I don't think, apart from keeping in touch ( a little less) and just not put dating on hold for him.

and on tinder this is the second person that has shortened my name, is that ok? say my name is Emma ( it's not :-) and both people have called me Ems!

bangmyhead anybody who shortens my already short name IRL or on OLD is straight in the bin. I bloody hate it, it’s so over-familiar! And from a man I feel like they’re infantilising me eg Jane (not my name) to Janey. I’m a stroppy cow though 😂. Also on the Tinder swiping I swiped left only on those who evoked an instant ‘eek no!’ from me, so swiped right on maybe 60-70%, on the basis that’s what men do so play the same game, but better.

Just before I deleted Tinder I saw the most shocking profile pic ever - a pic of a man at the grave of a miscarried baby. I was so appalled I swiped left instantly. I so regret not reporting it 😥