Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Also I met MrM 6 weeks to the day of being dumped by MrT!

shit that sounds lovely. I don't think it's going too fast - I've been with Mr BC for 10 months and we've been away a lot - it's lovely, enjoy it!

@shitwithsugaron only you know if it's too soon or not. Sometimes it takes a long time to get over someone and sometimes it doesn't. Took me days to recover from someone this time last year. I can't believe it's taking so long to get over Mr U although I think I'm probably there. Moreorless. Sounds like you're ready anyway. February soon and we can both get back on the apps 🤣 not sure I will though. I'm enjoying the hiatus from men.

@shitwithsugaron i think maybe after MrB, you know a good thing when you see it, so you may as well enjoy it! I have been single 2 years because I am yet to see a good thing when I see it!

Here with you about seeing good things, I rarely meet anyone who has most of it going for them. Either they have their shit together but there is no chemistry between us or it’s all jumbled and messy. I seem to have met a lot of men who have multiple small children in their 30’s and are all muddled. I struggle because of my age (nearly 40) and I had kids so young. Men who have older kids seem to be over 50 and I am just not hitting it off with any of them. Mr Muddle is 34. I think often the 50 odds would like a much younger woman? And the early 30’s seem to like me

No slaps @shitwithsugaron I'm glad you have someone treating you as you deserve.

Ps both vet and JeSuis (at least) found amazing men soon after other relationships ended. It's just your turn.

Great update @Undecidedsofa

@menora what do you want at the moment? You know his life is complex and he's largely emotionally unavailable. Is that enough for you? If so, crack on. If you want more because you deserve it say sorry, and move on.

Sharon (can’t help it) I think go for it and enjoy it!

Salty if the last dating experience taught me anything, I am the more emotionally unavailable one. I don’t want to feel smothered by someone who has too much time on their hands. I also have been in a similar situation with my last serious relationship and it was because he was never honest with me about anything and that’s what I found hard. It isn’t I don’t value myself, it is that I do value my own time and space and perhaps someone who is otherwise occupied is attractive to me because I know it won’t become pressure on me to give up too much of my time

I think mainly what I would like is someone who is like a good friend to go do fun things with, some companionship and some nice sex. I’m not old and I don’t feel any time is running out I don’t have to look for ‘the one’. Perhaps the once a week one 😛

@menora one or at max 2 nights a week is enough for me I can’t spend all my free/child free time on a man

@menora You are a smart woman. You know rule 13. You know what you want and what he can offer. Hope it works out well for you.

I think if I see someone getting too emotionally invested in me I need to do what I did to Mr Moving and just say NOPE 🖐🏼 or at least be able to review and discuss it. With Mr Moving he was just so bloody OTT it had no chance of even being able to reason it out.

My last long term ex just wouldn’t open up and tell me anything so I had no idea where I stood so we just plodded on. For 18 months it was pretty much sex, companionship which was fine, but he was detached from me as he was still invested in his ex wife. At least if he had been open about that I could have dealt with it. I was only so angry after we broke up because I felt he was dishonest and that felt disrespectful. He was only trying to protect himself by being so closed off

I had a date last night. It was ok. No real spark but we got on well.
He walked me to my car and said 'text me and let me know if you want to meet again'
So this morning I sent him a text saying it would be nice to meet again.

And.......nothing. He hasn't even read my message.

I started last week with 6 irons and one by one they disappeared. Now I have none left. Just having a moan

I was 58 this week and all of a sudden I've become persona non grata on OLD. I always got replies if I sent messages till this week and now that age thing has gone up by one I'm getting nothing. I'm beginning to understand why people lie about their age. So depressing.

Yup flaming I lied on Tinder so that I showed as 54 (I’m 57). I was completely honest in person, offering the real info but explaining that I wasn’t going to let an unforgiving algorithm ruin my chances of happiness. It never caused a problem.

I wish that you didn't have to show your age on dating apps.
I noticed a big drop in interest when I turned 50.

My date from Saturday finally replied to say he would like to see me again. Not sure I can work up any enthusiasm about it. I'll leave it with him to suggest something.

@EchoElephant If you upgrade to tinder plus you can remove your age from the photo.

Has anyone ever upgraded to tinder plus before? It has some interesting features.

Also, just wanting some advice. Me and Mr Straight - still chatting, he keeps saying he will sort to meet again, but nothing has come to fruition as yet, I know time is a problem.

My question is, is it okay for me to still be on tinder? I mean of course it is, we aren't in a relationship or even dating. I do like him a lot though....and am not sure if to just not be on the apps, or to stay on and just see what happens.

@EchoElephant I’ve upgraded to tinder plus mainly to see who likes me! And the free boost but that just meant a load of people from all over the world liking me and no one local! Next month I’ll just use the 1km trick!

So after weeks of messaging and phone calls with Mr taichi last night things got a bit dirty! Didn’t see that one coming as I think I’d mentally parked him in the friends zone! Now I’m really not sure about meeting him on Saturday, I’d been thinking we’d get on but they’d be no chemistry, now I think there might be, but he’s really quite needy and he’s a bit vulnerable having been hurt in the past and he’s been honest about his insecurities. Think I need to get honest with myself before the weekend, better to be really straight with him now? That I don’t see a future there, a friend very likely, a fwb possible after last night but I can’t imagine it being long term!!

That was for @bangheadhere40 sorry!

what is the 1km trick please?

I've used tinder plus in the past. Set my age to 49 then hidden it.
I think the problem is that when you see a profile with no age then you wonder why they've hidden it. I'd prefer if all profiles didn't show your age.

On tinder set your distance to 1km then the people who appear in your stack are the ones who have swiped right.
It works!

@echo, I see - good tip!

I do wonder how it works, how does it decide who to put in your stack? I have nothing written down, but maybe I should, I have been reading but don't quite understand the technical side of it.

@bangheadhere40 My opinion? Absolutely stay on there! You've met him one time. The distance, kids, his faffing about meeting initially blah blah are all reasons to keep your options open. Via text all you have is false intimacy