Fussy partner with food!

[MellowMelly]

This will probably sound completely trivial but it’s seriously causing issues.
My partner is ridiculously fussy with food. The main bone of contention is dinner. He is never happy no matter what I serve up and I’m finding cooking now to be an utter chore rather than enjoyable and I’m so limited to what I can cook for him now it’s become ridiculous.
I’m fed up of serving up food and watching as he pushes his food around the plate whilst actually pulling faces and then starts critiquing it either during the meal or after. Apparently the chicken the other night was chewy and inedible (he made sure I knew this by making it obvious that he was struggling to cut it, I however had no problems) the hake I cooked was watery and had no taste (it had a lemon and dill sauce on it), the pizza was definitely not hot enough so therefore not cooked properly and might make him ill, he is ‘minced out’ from Bolognaise, he won’t eat lamb now as some minted lamb shanks have put him off it. He won’t eat anything with rice/pasta, anything covered in breadcrumbs, anything too ‘herby’.

It doesn’t stop at my door with his criticism, his Mother and the takeaways/restaurants get it too. The sauce was too thick, there was not enough chicken in the kebab, the chips were soggy, the battered cod was too greasy...it’s endless.

We tried HelloFresh. Out of the hundred recipes only 3 made it into the acceptable pile.

I’ve told my partner to cook dinner if I’m so terrible at cooking, the few occasions that he has, well, he criticised his own cooking too

Suggestions? I will even accept LTB

Maybe a bought of suspected flu might be in order where you have to stay in bed and he needs to not get too close in case it’s catching.

This isn't about your cooking.

He is grooming you to accept abuse. The waking you up episode suggests he could actually be dangerous.

I would not wait till Monday...

Can stupid posters stop going on about fussy eating?! It's way more than that!!
All the best OP. You will be so relieved once you've home for good, and back with loving family.

He just phoned quickly and asked what was for dinner! I said you go and choose something seeing as you’re so fussy as I’m quite up for treating myself to a Thai takeaway.

‘I don’t like Thai food, it’s all noodles’

I’m getting the bloody Thai takeaway and he can eat his own boring food.

Have text daughter, told her I’m coming back on Monday

Oh I'm so glad you are leaving him! Can you at least not eat with him over the weekend? The thought of him controlling you like that is really horrible. Do whatever it takes not to cook while you're there.

Can your daughter call you with an emergency?

Reading your updates, I think your plan sounds good. Don't be surprised though if he suddenly turns into Prince Charming this weekend. For some reason, his ilk sense when they are losing their grip on someone. But better to have time to pack up everything calmly and get out for good.

@GiveHerHellFromUs.
I did actually read it but missed that bit somehow.
How discussing you are to even thing of writing such a thing, just because I somehow missed a bit of the post.
How truly vulgar.

Can your daughter have some kind of emergency that means you need to go stay tonight.

Honestly your posts are giving me chills. He’s an abusive arse.

@HollowTalk

I’ve been racking my brains about how to get out this weekend without raising suspicion and did think a family emergency might be one to do but I’ve not got the foggiest idea what to say as he can so easily check up on me.

I would say something like a D&V bug and you need to look after your granddaughter and don’t want him to catch it. But this would mean leaving all of your things behind how much stuff do you have?

You could use the D&V over the weekend, but make out like you will be back Monday. Then pack and leave

I’ve got 10 minutes before he gets back. I’ll keep covertly checking in on here if anyone has any further advice on how to do this safely and will keep updating.

Everyone has been tremendously helpful. I don’t think I’d be leaving so soon if it wasn’t for you guys. To be honest I probably would of allowed myself to get more entrenched in this situation because I just couldn’t work out really what the hell was going on

@MellowMelly - I've read your posts with growing horror.

My very big concern is that abusers like this have incredibly highly calibrated radar: he will know something is up, and this is where things can get unpredictable and dangerous. I would not be waiting until Monday. Honestly, I cannot emphasise this enough.

Good luck Mellow you're 100% making the right choice imo.

I have a wardrobe of clothes/shoes and three drawers of belongings. Not much but enough to need a suitcase and a holdall at least neither of which I have here as took them back to my other home.

I could use the D&V bug as an excuse

Black bin bags are your friend, Mellow.

I am so glad you are going to leave him. Do as safely as you can. And enjoy that Thai takeaway!

The fact that you can't leave because you don't have a holdall tells me that you're still not 100% on your own side here. If you were, you'd be throwing everything into the car, or leaving it behind.

Passport, laptop, phone, charger

Any financial/legal paperwork, wills etc

toothbrush and go.

My heart is in my mouth for you and I'm keeping calm just so I can send you good protective vibes. All the best.

Come back in due course with some burly friends to help to pick up clothes and things.

Why do you cook for him? I would just leave him to it.

Really worried for you. I'd make up a family emergency for tonight and leave. He will punish you for not capitulating to him at dinner and won't let you sleep tonight. He fucking bit you!

I'm so glad you're leaving, Mellow, and that you have you have family who will be on your side. (Also now I REALLY want Thai noodles!)

I know it's hard to talk about these things openly, but if you're at all able to do so, PLEASE do it. The more light you shine on the situation, the more likely you are to have the strength to leave (and make the break final, rather than getting sucked back in which abusers looooove to do). If you're able to tell other family members, please try to get over the embarrassment and do so, they love you and will want to know so they can help you. I've been there and I know it's hard but it's also what got me through.

Also, please call Women's Aid for advice. As this man knows where your daughter's home is, you're right that you'll want to do everything you can to protect them as well as yourself. WA and your local police should be able to help.

Wish he could be tattooed on his forehead to warn off everyone else :-( what an absolute dick he is.

Does he know you use mumsnet or any chance he snoops on your phone, laptop, tablet, etc?
All the best, I bet you will get so much more enjoyment from life living with dd and dgd.

Also d n v will be excellent excuse. He will be too busy gloating thinking that it was the takeaway to figure out your plan.