Fussy partner with food!

[MellowMelly]

This will probably sound completely trivial but it’s seriously causing issues.
My partner is ridiculously fussy with food. The main bone of contention is dinner. He is never happy no matter what I serve up and I’m finding cooking now to be an utter chore rather than enjoyable and I’m so limited to what I can cook for him now it’s become ridiculous.
I’m fed up of serving up food and watching as he pushes his food around the plate whilst actually pulling faces and then starts critiquing it either during the meal or after. Apparently the chicken the other night was chewy and inedible (he made sure I knew this by making it obvious that he was struggling to cut it, I however had no problems) the hake I cooked was watery and had no taste (it had a lemon and dill sauce on it), the pizza was definitely not hot enough so therefore not cooked properly and might make him ill, he is ‘minced out’ from Bolognaise, he won’t eat lamb now as some minted lamb shanks have put him off it. He won’t eat anything with rice/pasta, anything covered in breadcrumbs, anything too ‘herby’.

It doesn’t stop at my door with his criticism, his Mother and the takeaways/restaurants get it too. The sauce was too thick, there was not enough chicken in the kebab, the chips were soggy, the battered cod was too greasy...it’s endless.

We tried HelloFresh. Out of the hundred recipes only 3 made it into the acceptable pile.

I’ve told my partner to cook dinner if I’m so terrible at cooking, the few occasions that he has, well, he criticised his own cooking too

Suggestions? I will even accept LTB

OP... You did so well to act this quickly and escape his clutches.

He needs help...but he is not your problem.

He was still waiting for you to sleep then pulling your hair...he's well and truly mental.

Congratulations again...you are stronger than you think. Always believe in yourself.

Well done on getting away! Treat yourself tonight by eating whatever you want for dinner, in peace and without having to listen to any moaning.

Well done.

@mellow well done am so pleased you are out. Once you see things for what they are you can't unsee them. Things escalating once you've moved in isn't unusual but you do need to serious consider the freedom programme.

Fingers crossed he stays away.

Just buy several weeks supply of baked beans, and a tin opener,and leave him to it.. but maybe he doesn't like baked beans either !!

@1forAll74 rtft it's moved on somewhat

Just checked in as I though oh goodness mellow is leaving today and saw you've done it - bloody hell you're brilliant I'm so impressed.

Great shout to have your friend over later. Have you told your work? Just in case he was to show up or anything.

I can't believe you have the audacity to want to be happy and healthy rather than treated like shit, you weirdo

Hope you are ok this morning and all safe.

What a night! On a positive...Really good to actually speak to my best friend about it all. We drank, laughed and cried. Oh and importantly she loved my dinner I cooked
The more I spoke, the more I realised that I was scurrying around after him like I was a Minion. He was really clever with getting me to do stuff that he didn’t want to do aswell and I realised that he never asked me any meaningful questions or actually really cared about me or my life really.

On a more ‘blurgh’ note...things did go a little bit wrong later on last night. His emails got increasingly strange. So either really apologetic and then becoming aggressive. Emailing me that he was coming round. So friend and I turned off all lights and sat in my bedroom overlooking road. He did eventually drive by twice. Followed this up with emails asking ‘where are you’ and ‘who are you with’
So I called 101 (if he had banged on the door I would not of hesitated to call 999) and officer/s are coming to see me. I think it’s the best thing to do. My lovely friend stayed the night so I’ve had a little sleep as I felt safer with someone else in the house.

@MellowMelly I'm so glad you had a (mostly) good night and that you've reported him.

I'm also so so glad you're so brave and have such a wonderful support network 💕

Well done on getting put. Sending positive vibes.

*out

Such an inspiring thread. Well done, op!

You’ve done the right thing OP by calling 101.

Since I left my abusive ex I’ve realised how much god a minion I was to him too! It was all so subtle and covert - the abuse obviously wasn’t.

He sent me a really nasty text last night so now he is blocked on everything. These men are awful. We are well rid!!!

Um... Are you with my twatty ex? I once had a partner like this. He was abusive in the end.

Your partner either has an eating disorder or he is a dickhead. My money is on dickhead.

I’ve only just read this thread. I am so glad that you’ve got out of this relationship. You deserve so much better than this abusive control freak. Have you saved or screenprinted the messages to show the police? It may be worth asking if they can have a stiff word with him or if you need to consider a restraining order. Stay safe.

Well done Mellow, I'm so relieved to hear you got out. It is so difficult to get the confidence to do that, I know!

Your emotions will probably be all over the place while you recover from this, maybe for a long time. Just see it as part of the journey. It will get better.

I found it really helped me to read up, you may prefer videos or in-person therapy. If you find books are helpful, my favourite is www.amazon.co.uk/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama/dp/1442238321/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=borderline+or+narcissist+stop+caretaking&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1580114723&sr=8-2 which is great for recognizing certain types of fucked up behavior from other people, and also how our own desire to be kind or loving can keep us trapped in relationships with them.

I also really love this one www.amazon.co.uk/Many-Roads-One-Journey-Moving/dp/0060965185/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=many+roads+one+journey&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1580114787&sr=8-1 which is a feminist critique of traditional 12 step programmes. That sounds weirdly specific, but I found it a really healing book to read and I've never been addicted to alcohol or drugs (just made crap relationship choices haha).

But you'll find your own ways to build strength and the stronger you get, the less vulnerable you'll be to dicks like these.

Well done op

The police may go with you once to pick up your stuff safely just ask them when they see you

As

@HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely I get the feeling that a lot of abusive people have odd eating habits , my exh would only eat 3/4 meals on rotation and refused to try/enjoy anything else.

@MellowMelly I do hope he calms down quickly , the one thing you can rely on is that he'll run out of steam. I remember my solicitor telling me that they don't stay angry forever. They find a new target.

The police may go with you once to pick up your stuff safely just ask them when they see you

Great shout from PP, definitely worth asking them and it will be a clear sign that you're serious and won't hesitate to call the police if he was to do anything else. Well done OP you've done so well x

Glad you are safe.
Good plan with talking to the police.

Wow - you've certainly had a very eventful weekend.
Well done on getting out.
Some of your updates regarding his behaviour are chilling.
I hope the police can scare him and he leaves you alone.
Seriously well done!!!

Ah! he followed the usual pattern of controllers/abusers. Apologies followed by aggression and stalking. Quite low level stalking last night but could escalate without intervention. Good you have the police involved early. Keep all communications from him. Did you send him a "do not communicate with me" text or email? You need to do so to show the police.

Today I’m enjoying the sense of freedom. I can have a wee and not worry about making sure that the toilet seat is left up for him (in the man position) otherwise he would moan. I can sit on the sofa with my feet on it without worrying about comments like ‘I hope your feet are clean as I don’t want a dirty sofa’. I can stir my sugar into my tea properly without being told ‘you’ll wear the cup out if you carry on’. Constant comments like that really grind you down in the end.

I’ve called work and requested a few days off, also explained to my manager what has happened and she will find out what support is available to me.
The police have rung and will be here in the next hour apparently. Really hoping they can help!