Fussy partner with food!

[MellowMelly]

This will probably sound completely trivial but it’s seriously causing issues.
My partner is ridiculously fussy with food. The main bone of contention is dinner. He is never happy no matter what I serve up and I’m finding cooking now to be an utter chore rather than enjoyable and I’m so limited to what I can cook for him now it’s become ridiculous.
I’m fed up of serving up food and watching as he pushes his food around the plate whilst actually pulling faces and then starts critiquing it either during the meal or after. Apparently the chicken the other night was chewy and inedible (he made sure I knew this by making it obvious that he was struggling to cut it, I however had no problems) the hake I cooked was watery and had no taste (it had a lemon and dill sauce on it), the pizza was definitely not hot enough so therefore not cooked properly and might make him ill, he is ‘minced out’ from Bolognaise, he won’t eat lamb now as some minted lamb shanks have put him off it. He won’t eat anything with rice/pasta, anything covered in breadcrumbs, anything too ‘herby’.

It doesn’t stop at my door with his criticism, his Mother and the takeaways/restaurants get it too. The sauce was too thick, there was not enough chicken in the kebab, the chips were soggy, the battered cod was too greasy...it’s endless.

We tried HelloFresh. Out of the hundred recipes only 3 made it into the acceptable pile.

I’ve told my partner to cook dinner if I’m so terrible at cooking, the few occasions that he has, well, he criticised his own cooking too

Suggestions? I will even accept LTB

Well done OP. You are really strong and brave to act so decisively. It's such a relief to read one of these threads where the women acts. You should be very proud of yourself. The nighttime stuff was particularly scary. When the time is right, you've healed and you are ready I pray you meet someone who will love and cherish you as you deserve.

Apologies for not reading the full thread before commenting
Your sense of relief at being away from this pathological tormentor is palpable in your recent posts.
Please do not hesitate to call the police if he turns up
Good luck

Agree with email being the way forward

Emailing him to tell him you’re over and you don’t want my contact from him and leave it at that. Any reply/turning up etc, call the police

You’re doing amazingly well! Well done!

I was terrified for you.

So glad to hear you are out op. He sounds complete insane. I would rely with a simple email saying

“If you don’t understand why I have left them really, that says it all”

CCTV back up and running. Drive, porch, garden and patio all covered.

I replied to email with ‘I would prefer it if you don’t contact me again’

His response was ‘whatever, suit yourself you weirdo’

Followed by another email ‘please can we talk, I’m not quite sure what I’ve done for you to treat me this way’

I replied with the same response to his first email. I’ve had several missed calls from a withheld number so can only presume he is using his home phone and work phone to call me. In the mean time I’ve told my best friend, she is coming over for a bit this evening and daughter is staying away for another night as I think that’s best.

God that waking you up thing is really chilling. Well done in getting out.

Stay safe and vigilant op.

Let him beg op. Just save those emails somehow and don't reply anymore.

You're doing so well , please stay safe. Also , I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that i'd love an update on your progress if you have the time and desire to check in.

I do hope other people in abusive relationships are reading and gathering strength from yours.

Keep your resolve. No need to read or reply to his messages.

Enjoy a peaceful evening with your friend.

Stay safe OP

I just want to say thank you so much for the continued messages of support from everyone. If I start to get a bit shaky or upset, I re read everyone’s posts as they sort of supply me with the will to keep going.

Don't respond to him any further. You've told him not to contact you and if he persists it could be deemed harassment. Keep any texts he sends you.

@mellowmelly thanks, it was an easy decision to make this time as I had gone back twice before - but I gave him one more chance and he blew it spectacularly. I just got bored to be honest of the same shit! I had therapy last year and it really helped me to leave for good this time.

He sent me flowers yesterday and has been messaging me but it’s too late. I’m ignoring him.

Please be safe OP, keep your phone close tonight!

Just RTFT, my goodness OP! He sounds awful and I think you're totally doing the right thing.

Good luck!

You treat him this way? What a bloody joke.

Ignore the loser. You’re doing great, stay vigilant though. He’ll get angry soon.

As pps have said - beware love bombing, promises to change, anger, suicide threats etc; from him. Controllers do not like losing their victim.

He's bitten himself on the arse this time.......

Send the email address to junk.
You don’t need to be looking at them at all.

Personally I would probably tell him why. But I’m an idiot and your idea is much better

The thing is, even if you told him why you broke off with him, he will NEVER accept that his behaviour is abusive and, as you know from abusers, they NEVER change. So it's pointless and you are doing the right thing by just not ever contacting him again or engaging him in any discussion again.

And he knows damn well that harassing people whilst they sleep to deliberately deprive them of sleep is cunt behaviour. If he did that to a man on a lad's trip, well, he wouldn't because he knows damn well the other man would deck him. He knows damn well it's not on to speak to his mother and you that way. He does it to anyone who will put up with it.

So glad you have some support! Continue to seek it out, don't be afraid to tell people.

I'd tell your work, too, in case he tries to contact you there or show up. You don't have to go into detail, just say you had to split off with a boyfriend and he might try to contact you or show up.

Abusers don't like it when their victim

Do not junk the emails. You may need them for documentation.

And do not engage with him, no matter what he says. You owe him absolute NOTHING.

Stay strong and clear-headed.

You do know you can send emails to a junk folder and still keep them.
You just don’t want to be looking at them everyday.

Stop cooking for him, yes. And also remind him that he's allowed to not like a meal but he's NOT allowed to be rude and nasty about something you have put time and effort into doing something kind for him i.e. planning, buying and cooking a meal!

@aroundtheworldyet Email servers automatically delete junk mail after a certain number of days.

Boomy You're a bit late to the party! The OP has left him. Which would show in this thread if you read her posts....

Omg I should have read the entire thread, OP, I'm sorry.

The more I read the worse his behaviour got.... absolutely abusive, absolutely taking advantage of your blind spot because like you say he's not as overt with it as your last partner.

But oh my gosh as I read more of your updates I have just been so impressed by you!! OP you are amazing!! So brave, so resilient, so quick to take action once you realised what was going on!!

Please don't judge yourself for this relationship, you haven't done anything wrong and sadly it's very normal for women to go from one abusive relationship to the next, precisely for the reasons you commented yourself. I also think abusive men have some sort of fifth sense for sniffing out just the right kind of vulnerabilities to take advantage of.

I'd still call.womens aid and see if they have any advice for keeping yourself safe and secure in your home... If you are afraid enough of what will happen if he comes over to send your daughter away, perhaps you can call 101 to give them a heads up? Also change all your locks (don't underestimate his ability to have made a sneaky copy) and tbh while the locksmith is out see if they have opinions on the security of your doors and windows in general.

OP you're doing brilliantly!

I just did, hence apologising. Thanks for so kindly helping me out there.