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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Fussy partner with food!

521 replies

MellowMelly · 24/01/2020 11:44

This will probably sound completely trivial but it’s seriously causing issues.
My partner is ridiculously fussy with food. The main bone of contention is dinner. He is never happy no matter what I serve up and I’m finding cooking now to be an utter chore rather than enjoyable and I’m so limited to what I can cook for him now it’s become ridiculous.
I’m fed up of serving up food and watching as he pushes his food around the plate whilst actually pulling faces and then starts critiquing it either during the meal or after. Apparently the chicken the other night was chewy and inedible (he made sure I knew this by making it obvious that he was struggling to cut it, I however had no problems) the hake I cooked was watery and had no taste (it had a lemon and dill sauce on it), the pizza was definitely not hot enough so therefore not cooked properly and might make him ill, he is ‘minced out’ from Bolognaise, he won’t eat lamb now as some minted lamb shanks have put him off it. He won’t eat anything with rice/pasta, anything covered in breadcrumbs, anything too ‘herby’.

It doesn’t stop at my door with his criticism, his Mother and the takeaways/restaurants get it too. The sauce was too thick, there was not enough chicken in the kebab, the chips were soggy, the battered cod was too greasy...it’s endless.

We tried HelloFresh. Out of the hundred recipes only 3 made it into the acceptable pile.

I’ve told my partner to cook dinner if I’m so terrible at cooking, the few occasions that he has, well, he criticised his own cooking too Hmm

Suggestions? I will even accept LTB Grin

OP posts:
Chipmonkeypoopoo · 25/01/2020 17:56

I thought I smelt a bit of abuse in your OP but thought I might be over exaggerating. Then I read your updates. This man is abusing you. Please leave.

BuckingFrolics · 25/01/2020 18:01

Well done Mellow you can do this you're thinking clearly and carefully. He's incredible!!

FourDecades · 25/01/2020 18:10

...I can find him to be not very tactful in general with anyone.

So... if he is like this after only 18mths.... how do you think he'll fair after 10 years?

How my XH treated people is one of the reasons l was glad we split, as his disrespect and utter distain for other's and eventually me killed any love for him

FourDecades · 25/01/2020 18:24

Sorry @MellowMelly l hadn't refreshed

GiveHerHellFromUs · 25/01/2020 18:28

You're doing amazingly @MellowMelly. Good luck.

Funny that he doesn't want to live like a vampire but he's happy to bite 🤷‍♀️

MerryDeath · 25/01/2020 18:41

jfc please either leave him or never cook for him again. i'd have blown my top long ago.

HollowTalk · 25/01/2020 18:48

If he goes to your other house then you or your daughter should just call the police. It's more difficult if he and you share a home, but if he's going to the other house then things are straightforward. Don't let him in. Call the police if he won't go away.

Wereallsquare · 25/01/2020 18:53

I suspect that you are worried about causing problems for others, OP, especially because your last relationship was also abusive. Rest assured, though, that if you were my mother/daughter/family member, I would want to know and would want to help you.

Do not blame yourself or feel embarrassed or ashamed. If you need help, please ask for it. And do not hesitate to involve the police.

whiskersonkittenss · 25/01/2020 19:02

Stay safe op

PersonaNonGarter · 25/01/2020 19:28

Go you, OP!

So pleased you are getting out. Well done for knowing how to keep yourself safe. Please keep posting when you can.

BemidjiMinnesota · 25/01/2020 19:58

If he turns up at your other house then you or your daughter need to immediately call the police. Don't answer the door to him, no matter what, just call the police. Do you have a Ring doorbell? That evidence will be useful for the inevitable restraining order.

Leave now, send him a text "I have left you due to your abuse. If you come to my home or harass me in any way I will call the police. I want no further contact with you." Then mute him (don't block in case you need the text and call logs for a restraining order).

Good luck Flowers

CorskeaghMac · 25/01/2020 20:48

Just read this because the fussy food is what I put up with. Got the wrong brand of peas today so don't expect a civil word from dh for at least a couple of days.

AfterSchoolWorry · 25/01/2020 20:57

Hope you're safe OP.

AlexaAmbidextra · 25/01/2020 21:29

Just read this because the fussy food is what I put up with. Got the wrong brand of peas today so don't expect a civil word from dh for at least a couple of days.

If this is serious why on earth are you still with him? What a life of misery. ☹️

MrsMelanieHamilton · 25/01/2020 21:37

@CorskeaghMac your OH sounds like a prick, too.

CorskeaghMac · 25/01/2020 21:58

I like hellman's mayo, would I be entitled to be annoyed if he consistently bought every brand but Hellmans. In general I am more laid back than most so not sure if OH has valid point about me not caring/pulling my weight or is he ott

BumbleBeee69 · 25/01/2020 22:00

Just read this because the fussy food is what I put up with. Got the wrong brand of peas today so don't expect a civil word from dh for at least a couple of days.

Seriously Hmm Don't accept these conditions ... please Flowers

Lucked · 25/01/2020 22:07

CorskeaghMac presumably you are not consistently buying peas he doesn’t like on purpose but what is available or making a mistake. So there should be no anger (at most maybe a bit of personal disappointment) never mind days worth.

MrsMelanieHamilton · 25/01/2020 22:09

Surely peas are peas?

Butterymuffin · 25/01/2020 22:11

I hope you're out of there now OP and safe in a Travelodge.

AutumnCrow · 25/01/2020 22:39

You take very good care of yourself, OP.

Antihop · 25/01/2020 22:50

I'm so glad you're getting out op. Don't blame yourself for not noticing. That was part of the abuse.

ofwarren · 25/01/2020 22:56

Good luck for tonight. I hope you are able to leave without much trouble.

Lunde · 25/01/2020 22:59

Hope you got out safely OP Flowers

SpaceDinosaur · 25/01/2020 23:51

How are you doing @MellowMelly?