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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Fussy partner with food!

521 replies

MellowMelly · 24/01/2020 11:44

This will probably sound completely trivial but it’s seriously causing issues.
My partner is ridiculously fussy with food. The main bone of contention is dinner. He is never happy no matter what I serve up and I’m finding cooking now to be an utter chore rather than enjoyable and I’m so limited to what I can cook for him now it’s become ridiculous.
I’m fed up of serving up food and watching as he pushes his food around the plate whilst actually pulling faces and then starts critiquing it either during the meal or after. Apparently the chicken the other night was chewy and inedible (he made sure I knew this by making it obvious that he was struggling to cut it, I however had no problems) the hake I cooked was watery and had no taste (it had a lemon and dill sauce on it), the pizza was definitely not hot enough so therefore not cooked properly and might make him ill, he is ‘minced out’ from Bolognaise, he won’t eat lamb now as some minted lamb shanks have put him off it. He won’t eat anything with rice/pasta, anything covered in breadcrumbs, anything too ‘herby’.

It doesn’t stop at my door with his criticism, his Mother and the takeaways/restaurants get it too. The sauce was too thick, there was not enough chicken in the kebab, the chips were soggy, the battered cod was too greasy...it’s endless.

We tried HelloFresh. Out of the hundred recipes only 3 made it into the acceptable pile.

I’ve told my partner to cook dinner if I’m so terrible at cooking, the few occasions that he has, well, he criticised his own cooking too Hmm

Suggestions? I will even accept LTB Grin

OP posts:
CrotchetyQuaver · 25/01/2020 11:23

Time for him to take over the cooking permanently.

ZorbaTheHoarder · 25/01/2020 11:26

Can you not get away from him before Monday, OP? Him being very, very nice to you out of the blue suggests he suspects he is losing control over you. I just hope he doesn't get aggressive towards you over the weekend.

Lefkosia · 25/01/2020 12:02

Best of luck to you OP you sound lovely. You deserve much better

MellowMelly · 25/01/2020 14:49

I wish I could go now, I truly do. Horrible man and he just spoke to me so disrespectfully that I’m gobsmacked. That’s the final nail in his coffin.

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 25/01/2020 15:06

What did he say Mellow?

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 25/01/2020 15:11

I could not live with this man

PatellarTendonitis · 25/01/2020 15:11

Why do you feel you cannot just go out? Invent a family emergency. Have your adult children message you that they need you for something, pack a bag and leave, then come back on Monday and go. He's terrifying!

Sexnotgender · 25/01/2020 15:13

Please keep your wits about you, abusers are often at their most dangerous when they feel like they’re losing control.

MellowMelly · 25/01/2020 16:57

@PatellarTendonitis My gut is telling me that to leave now is not good. Daughter is a young mum so I don’t really want for her to be too involved in my drama if you understand. It’s not fair on her. I know you feel I should go now and I understand exactly what you’re saying but Monday feels so much safer to me?

@Sparklfairy I had a bath and went to sit down in the living room with dressing gown on. He randomly started shouting at me ‘ Go and fucking get dressed, I don’t want to live like a fucking vampire’ (I believe this is to do with blinds being half closed)
I said ‘well I am going to get dressed but just wanted a moment for moisturiser to sink in on legs’
Then he started shouting even more accusing me ‘of starting a fucking argument’ because I ‘fucking answered back’. I said ‘I would prefer it if you didn’t speak to me like that’. His response was ‘well what do you fucking expect when you started an argument by answering back, just fucking go and get dressed’

Now he is acting like that never happened

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 25/01/2020 17:08

Go get dressed, pack a bag and go to a Travelodge for the night and switch your phone off, don’t say a word just do it and go.

FinallyHere · 25/01/2020 17:15

@jkscot4 's advice sounds good to me.

I so hope you are OK.

Wereallsquare · 25/01/2020 17:17

Don't worry about getting your things. They are replaceable.

Please let your family and friends know what is happening. Just send them a link to this thread.

Can you not have your family/friends come and pick you up? Do you have any male family members who can come?

You should not have to spend another minute there.

mummmy2017 · 25/01/2020 17:18

Your the only one who knows if your safe for two sleeps.
Just keep safe.

Wereallsquare · 25/01/2020 17:19

Or can you say you are running out to get something at the shop and just not return? Return for your things on Monday with the police or friends/family.

MimiLaRue · 25/01/2020 17:21

Stop cooking for him, as of right now.
Do your own dinner. What ever you enjoy and like and make sure there is not enough for him.
He understands that he either stops with the criticising.
You don't want to hear about all his moans about food.
You need to put a stop to it.
As soon as he starts saying something, tell him you don't want to hear it.
YOU cooked it and you enjoyed it and it doesn't matter to you what he thinks as nothing is ever good enough so just stop saying stuff.
Cut him off every single time.

THIS, this is the only way to deal with this issue. Stop bloody cooking for him and do not allow him to keep making rude or disparaging remarks.

MimiLaRue · 25/01/2020 17:22

Just read update- LEAVE OP, this won't get better.

Leave now.

BumbleBeee69 · 25/01/2020 17:23

Stay calm OP.. let his insults wash over you.. Monday is very near Flowers

MellowMelly · 25/01/2020 17:35

I am going to leave tonight. I’ve had a total change of heart as he is now arguing with his Mum and if he can speak to her like that then he obviously thinks that’s acceptable to speak to anyone like that. I actually heard her say to him ‘why do you speak to people like shit’!!

Going to text my daughter and ask her to get herself, the little one and dog out of the house first and for the night if possible.

Travelodge is a great idea for myself!! Why didn’t I think of that!

OP posts:
RhubarbTea · 25/01/2020 17:38

I am worried for you OP, I hope you and your extended family will be okay. I think leaving tonight is a good idea, let us know you are okay once it's safe to do so.
Stuff is just stuff. All that matters is that you are all safe.

Interestedwoman · 25/01/2020 17:41

OMFG. Go for it, please keep us informed. xxx

PatellarTendonitis · 25/01/2020 17:43

We're all behind you, OP. You can do this. You are NOT over-reacting. If anything you have been under-reacting. I really hope you get safe tonight.

BoswellSolver · 25/01/2020 17:45

Good for you! I'm betting he won't like his 'just desserts' either.

BumbleBeee69 · 25/01/2020 17:46

Christ OP.. stay safe.. Flowers

Buggedandconfused · 25/01/2020 17:47

OP can you get a friend to come and get you?

MyuMe · 25/01/2020 17:49

Oh wow I glad I read the thread before commenting.

Scary OP. God speed in getting away Flowers