Dumped by text

[user1471427667]

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning.
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”
I feel absolutely blindsided. Didn’t see this coming at all. Aside from the shock of it, I feel so dismissed that he put “no need to reply” as if he I don’t have a say in it ( well I know I don’t but the urge is to try and talk about what he feels is wrong)
Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.
I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and everything I thought was real just isn’t.
Please help me retain some dignity and tell me best way to reply or not.

You're awesome, OP.

This poem got me through a similar bastard in my 20s. It's "Defining the Problem" by Wendy Cope.

I can’t forgive you. Even if I could,
You wouldn’t pardon me for seeing through you.
And yet I cannot cure myself of love
For what I thought you were before I knew you.

This reminds me of the way Zayn Malik dumped his Fiancée of 4 years, Little Mix Perrie Edwards. He took away for her Birthday weekend then on the Monday she flew to The US for a 6 weeks tour. He literally waited until she landed then ended it with over text whilst she was in the Airport and the press were there when she was clearly upset and shocked by it.

Nasty way to end things, Karma always comes back round OP. You will go on to love someone who treats you like a Queen.

Good poem @AnuvvaMuvva

@Fluffycloudland77 They can:

twigby.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/360019400653-How-do-I-block-numbers-from-calling-and-texting-me-on-my-Android-

Hi you lovely lot 😘
I’m still here, still reading all your wise, funny, supportive messages.
I nearly got through a whole day yesterday without crying, just got me when I got into bed last night. It’s frustrating not to be ‘over him’ but I know that’s not how this works and there are times when I can go an hour or more without thinking about him, so that’s progress I guess.
If I start wallowing too much, I think ‘what would my best friend/mum/ mumsnet gang tell me to do’? Then I go for a run or something positive
Re: Blocking his texts. At the moment, as I said, I’m okay with not doing that. That may change with time. I tried to do it shortly after it first happened and couldn’t work it out ( old android phone ). There are options to change phone or number but decided not to for now . Maybe part of me wants to hear from him. I’m trying to be really honest with myself.
At first, I wanted to hear from him - to hear him say it was all some big mistake. But as time has gone on and the messages he’s sent are so ridiculous, it’s actually helping me see even more that he is not the man I thought he was. If I’d blocked him when I first tried, I think I might be wondering if he was trying to contact me to tell me something earth shattering. What he is actually telling me is how pathetic and cowardly he is.
I also feel like blocking him is a reaction and he doesn’t deserve one. Him dumping me the way he did and saying ‘no need to reply’ was like him kicking me out and slamming the door behind me. Blocking him would feel like me banging on the door and saying ‘well I don’t want to talk to you anyway, listen to me, listen to me, I don’t want to talk to you’. Whereas, actually, I just want to pick myself up off the floor and walk away without looking back. Does that make sense

That makes total sense! You don’t want to give him the power he tried to take with his dickhead text!

You’re doing so well, you really are! It’s normal to still be missing him and loving him, or at least the man you thought he was!

Oh, and a man smiled at me on the train this morning. ( not really a flirty smile, but one of those lovely friendly ‘with the eyes’ smiles).
My first thought was “ so, have you ever dumped someone by text before”?!!!
How bad is that! I did manage to smile back though....poor guy.
Am looking to see if there is a local convent I can book myself into!!!
Trying to plan some nice things for the weekend x

Thanks @OhCaptain. I feel like a bit of a loon at times with the thoughts that pop into my head. That, together with me not thinking in a million years, he would act the way he has, has made me doubt my judgement.

It's too soon yet but it's important to realise that not everyone is like him. I went out with some absolute nightmares before I met my OH then I met my OH and it all clicked into place and he treats me like a queen. But it's important to remember that don't settle for second best

Oh don’t doubt yourself! He wouldn’t be the first man to seem like a decent adult capable of actual human emotion only to turn around and be a giant penis!

Your judgement is spot on OP. You have handled him like a champion. You have a massive fan base here. Don't doubt yourself for a second!

Some of us had kids with massive penises like him. And are stuck with some form of contact for life. Thank your lucky stars that when your over him he'll be a distant nasty memory. Plenty of decent ones out there. You're going to be fine!

Blocking isn’t got everyone! It’s not for me.

Don’t doubt yourself though. He put up a bloody good front for two years, people can. Lots of men can until they’re married or the first baby comes along.

Be proud of yourself for how you’ve handled it since you found out that he’s a twat.

Hope everyone is doing okay. Wow intense thread!

@P999 - absolutely. Can’t imagine the added pain of having to keep in contact due to children. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with that, you have my total respect.
In fact everyone’s stories on here are so inspiring. Even if you don’t think you handled it the best, you got through it, learnt from it and are even generous enough to share it on this thread for everyone to learn from.
Very humbling reading all these messages from complete strangers showing such warmth and compassion for me and others in similar situations.💜

On a more positive note - Things to do this weekend.

1. Have friends over Friday night and cook meal ( I love cooking)
2. Visit my sister and gorgeous little nieces on Saturday.
3. Transform (ish) my bedroom. Change furniture around, buy new bedding. Anything so it looks different and I don’t think of him in my bed.
4. More ‘running in the rain’. Another storm is on its way - yay!!! ⛈

I've just caught up with the thread and wanted to echo PPs:

The manchild really is an arrogant little dickhead.

But the good news is that OP, you rock!

You're going to look back on this time and feel so pleased with yourself and probably equally pleased not to have ended up with him.

This is the only thread I’ve been waiting for the updates. You have done marvellously, I wish I had done the same when the guy I had been seeing disappeared , reappeared then disappeared again. I pulled him up on his behaviour only for him to block me, then I went in to apologise! He made me feel like I was in the wrong ... charming. It has made me feel like shit and totally unworthy.. if only I’d kept silent the first time I probably wouldn’t feel like I do now. I think next time I date I will keep this thread in mind and how you’ve acted which is brilliantly, you should be proud of yourself... what a first class arsehole you’re ex is. Keep going girlie

Very sorry for you, take care

Blocking him would feel like me banging on the door and saying ‘well I don’t want to talk to you anyway, listen to me, listen to me, I don’t want to talk to you’. Whereas, actually, I just want to pick myself up off the floor and walk away without looking back. Does that make sense

This is a brilliant way of putting it, OP.

You’ve genuinely made me want to take up running so I can run in the rain!

Running in the rain with a slight hangover is also quite nice (sounds mad I know, but you can almost feel the headache wash away, has to be slight hangover though nothing too awful!)

If you happen to be in NE London OP I need a running buddy??

Op your comments about not wanting to block him do make sense and I completely get what you mean. You've been very self aware and I think all the time you are that connected to your own motivations and triggers you'll do just fine.
Here's to running in the rain.

@Chocolatedaim - I can believe that about the hangover. It’s very cleansing. For me, it helps concentrate the mind, hides any tears and gives me something to rage against! Also, impossible to do the real gut wrenching sobbing in the running position .
Always used to find a reason not to go running, but really like it now.
Sorry, not in London

You sound both absolutely lovely and also very strong.
🍸
Enjoy the weekend with friends and with your sister!