Dumped by text

[user1471427667]

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning.
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”
I feel absolutely blindsided. Didn’t see this coming at all. Aside from the shock of it, I feel so dismissed that he put “no need to reply” as if he I don’t have a say in it ( well I know I don’t but the urge is to try and talk about what he feels is wrong)
Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.
I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and everything I thought was real just isn’t.
Please help me retain some dignity and tell me best way to reply or not.

Just commenting to say, you are brilliant, OP. So strong!

Just wanted to add my name to the list of fans!!!! OP you have been bloody fantastic and I can only hope that I and my daughters would behave in the same dignified manner you have. He will be kicking himself SO hard right now, which is no more than he deserves. Rooting for you here, stay strong!

You are amazing op, after that last text I think I'd have gone to his house and rammed his phone up his arse!

I love a bit of psycho analysis....

Text 1...Hey : Testing the water without giving anything away... putting it all on you to answer and reveal some emotions.

That didn't work so.....

Text 2: Extend the carrot with some soppy declarations that he misses you. Surely you won't be able to resist?

You do resist, so

Text 3... change tactic... make you feel guilty, and worse, imply you are being unreasonable. What is wrong with you? Why are you acting so different, "not like you"? He's trying to shame you into answering.

So he's trying everything to get you to answer... 1) Mystery/intrigue 2) Love/feelings 3) Shaming/making out you're being unreasonable.

What delights await us all in Text no. 4 I wonder? My money is on appealing to your reasonable, rational and objective side and requesting a meeting, perfectly fair, no?

All together now, NOOOOOOOO!

Or perhaps ramping up the shaming.... be prepared to be called "childish"

@whatisheupto I would add to Text 3: Implying you're being childish in order to make you angry, thus inciting an angry reply (in order to defend yourself) and hence starting a conversation.

My guess is there will be a final text saying he is sorry, confused or the like....something was going on OP didn't know about so it's made him act as he did. He can't believe how he has messed up etc......

Placemarking for text 4 ...

Text 4 will be a huffy one like he thought more of you etc.

He's unbelievable. I'm saving this thread to show my daughters. I want them to be just like you.

I have nominated this as a classic.
The OP has been great at following advice and updated regularly.
( with magnificent updates BTW )
I do not know if MN contacts OP to check if it is ok or not .

Text 4 will be arsey. Accusing the op of being unreasonable and it's all her fault

Text 5 will be all woe is me

How very dare you not be begging and pleading for him back? He can’t believe it can he?

That text 1,2,3 analysis was spot on. I predict text 4 will be a combo of soppyness and passive aggressiveness. Text 5 will be some kind of drama - he’ll allude to a serious illness or catastrophe and you’ll look like a callous, uncaring bitch if you don’t respond.

But still don’t respond.

Never respond again.

After feeling so angry at his latest message to you, I now actually feel a bit....embarrassed for him.
He's really shown how much low self esteem he has and how much he used you to bolster him up. It's really sad and pathetic and he would not have made a good husband op as he was not able to put you and your needs before his own. Two years wasted? Maybe? Or maybe two years learning what it us you truly need and deserve in a relationship?

Ring your phone provider and ask them how much an iPhone is. Android really need to let their users block texts.

You’ll get your Tesco Moment. I think Tesco moment should be in our lexicon from now on.

Text 4 will be rage.
Text 5 will be self pity.

There are only three channels of mindfuckery: charm, rage, self-pity and he’ll cycle through them to try to get a reaction. (Sometimes all three several times in one interaction).
When you can spit and name the channels, you can detach from it.

If Mumsnet did awards I’d nominate you OP. I’m so glad you didn’t reply to him.

Text 6 “Fuck you for not replying to me, that’s so immature”
Text 7 “Can we meet, I miss you & think I made a mistake”

You're doing fantastically OP! The power of silence!

My platform is Android and I can block texts easily. I just go into People and at the bottom of the person's profile it says block contact.

Yes I would put some money on one of his next hoovering attempts being a dramatic woe is me one. Followed up with an angry one when OP doesn't fall for it.

@user1471427667 new thread?! This will start to fill up!

I think it's quite upsetting for OP despite her bravery and updates so not sure it is on to nominate so soon when she is still processing and hasn't agreed.

It’s a bit ott.

What is ott drina27?

@user1471427667
Well bloody done - you rock. Do not reply. We're all here for you.
'nuff said
Xxx

.

I think that you are a million times the person your ex is. You sound amazing and also have a group of amazing friends. You will find someone that deserves you. Your cuntpuffin (excellent description BTW, pp) ex doesn't.

Against all the wise advice, if he text again, I would be tempted to reply:

I moved on the moment you showed your true colours by ending our two-year relationship over text. I suggest you do the same. Do not contact me again. I have nothing to say to you.

And then ignore him forever.

He's a pathetic, cowardly individual who has treated you appalling. You are doing brilliantly through this mess - keep your chin up xx

@user1471427667

For the first time ever, I just read an entire 32 page thread. I actually cried at one point. I really empathise with you and in particular that there were no red flags, that he really could have a hidden side that he kept from you for two years.

The ‘no need to reply’ part is despicable.

A friend of mine had a similar experience. She entered some communication with him and found out 2 years later that he had cheated & left her for someone else. He never admitted to that and she was truly shocked. My best Male friend said the same but not one of her female friends suspected the guy of cheating as he came up with all kinds of crap. IMHO he missed her emotional support once the buzz of being with someone new wore off. He seemed too good of a guy to cheat. I guess you never know.

If I were you (& I know I’m not but I did have a horrible experience similar to yours), I wouldn’t block his number. I know that sounds risky but blocking is a form of response and I do think not blocking him (as long as you know he’s not crazy, obviously) puts you in an even stronger position.

You put it very well with these words:

I felt like he took away my power, my right to reply, to talk through any problems, even the right to say a proper goodbye to him. Choosing everyday not to contact him has actually given me that sense of power and choice back if that makes sense

I know it’s early days break-up wise but I wish you all the good karma, luck, love, and luck in love in the world.