Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dumped by text

1000 replies

user1471427667 · 20/01/2020 12:30

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning.
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”
I feel absolutely blindsided. Didn’t see this coming at all. Aside from the shock of it, I feel so dismissed that he put “no need to reply” as if he I don’t have a say in it ( well I know I don’t but the urge is to try and talk about what he feels is wrong)
Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.
I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and everything I thought was real just isn’t.
Please help me retain some dignity and tell me best way to reply or not.

OP posts:
SunshineDays2019 · 18/02/2020 11:40

Don't be swayed to reply! Carry on as you are, you are doing brilliantly, moving on with your life and leaving that spineless twat far behind. Smile

Hannsmum · 18/02/2020 11:44

I know its hard and personally my fingers will itch to reply,even when everyone tells me not to.

But pls save that little bit if dignity and block him.No need asking him why, its going to lead to more disrespect

one day, he will definitely open up to you why

SidneyPrescott · 18/02/2020 11:49

I know you've said you're not going to, but just in case you ever feel yourself wavering...

Do not reply

Do not reply

DO NOT REPLY

He's clearly a prick and instead of admitting he's a prick, he's trying to turn this around on you being the one with the issue. And he's still not apologised. What the fuck is wrong with him?!

Remember, this man had planned this. He'd removed his things covertly and text you in the middle of the night. He's a sneaky coward and you're better off without him.

DO NOT REPLY.

nacher · 18/02/2020 11:50

What a massive ego he has.

Any halfway decent person would realise that a heartfelt explanation and apology would be the minimum required to get any sort of response.

GardenOctupos · 18/02/2020 11:58

Honest OP, he sounds really nasty. After dumping you by text, telling you "no need to reply", now he's calling you names Hmm. He sounds absolutely horrible.

If I were you I'd change your number completely. Its a bit inconvenient I know, but really is the only way to be completely sure that loonies and nasty men can't contact you.

TwentyViginti · 18/02/2020 12:02

Remember, this man had planned this. He'd removed his things covertly and text you in the middle of the night

Yes, and yet he has the actual nerve to call OP childish! Hmm

Mikeymoo12 · 18/02/2020 12:12

I bet he's sat there absolutely furious that you won't reply and I would take that as some comfort. I've had exes like him and more fool me as I went running back like an idiot. Learnt my lesson now but you have been so so strong and you are worth so much more than his crap

Trumpspeach · 18/02/2020 12:20

He's goading you. He knows that what he sent is provocative and it is just a strategy to get some form of dialogue going with you.

I have been lurking on your thread and am in awe of your strength! You have acted with dignity and pride throughout this.

LJenn · 18/02/2020 12:45

That text INFURIATED me 😡😡 I don't even know you but I'm so proud you haven't responded. Don't know HOW you haven't but you're will power is admirable 🙌🏻🙌🏻 keep it up OP you're doing us proud. (Mumbles "game playing bastard" under my breath)😡😡

AlrightThen · 18/02/2020 12:58

Don't reply OP. If you let him know he's hurt you he'll be pleased with himself that he had a power over your emotions. I know it's weird but this is the way some people are.

There's no need for a closure. His actions say it all, he's not a man he presented himself to be.

AnneKipanki · 18/02/2020 13:05

I ^knew^ he would get in touch on Friday .

Job well done @user1471427667 ! Glad you had a fun weekend away .

Pinkbonbon · 18/02/2020 13:09

He'll probably try to use other ppl to get to you next. Some old acquaintance will message you to tell you how harsh you are being not responding. Or that he 'seems really sorry' blah blah.

SparkleUK · 18/02/2020 13:17

Followed this thread all the way through and can't believe how strong you've been - please carry on and know that no matter what he tries to throw at you, there is nothing to be gained from engaging with it.

He probably thinks he can trick you somehow into replying through different means (playing on your emotions, trying to guilt trip you etc) but once you have, he'd up and scarper again, because all he's looking for is gratification to try and justify to himself that he isn't the one who's done something really shitty; it can't be that bad if you still want to talk to him.

I had an ex when I was much younger, many years ago, similar length of time together but it just ended so abruptly. I was heartbroken and did all the things you shouldn't do - begging messages, wanting closure. He ignored me at first, then when I started getting on with life, came back wanting to get back together, saying if I'd just acted like that in the first place, he would've came back straight away. He would say we were together but under wraps, he'd never message me or only see me very rarely. A year or so of utter pain was the result and we were never back together.

So, you just keep your head held high. You've done amazing to keep yourself on track. You enjoy your life and only allow people who deserve to be in it in! ❤️

NotSusanna · 18/02/2020 13:29

What an idiot, accusing you of being childish. He ended your relationship in the most childish way possible. You have been the total opposite of childish in the way you have reacted.

Don't reply to this idiot.

Treesthemovie · 18/02/2020 13:44

Well done on staying strong and not responding to his BS. Although his nonsense is entertaining, I think I'd block him and really cut off his supply of attention. He's pathetic.

JillAmanda · 18/02/2020 13:50

I’d reply. Just once.

“I’m not sure what you’re struggling to understand Colin. You made it clear our relationship was over and that I didn’t need to reply. However, obviously I need to spell it out: fuck off. Do not contact me again. Any further texts from you will be viewed as harassment and treated as such.”

GilbertMarkham · 18/02/2020 13:54

I'd be temper to text back his own initial message to him;

“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”

But tbh I think you'd be better to just continue ignoring him. Engaging at all night set you back and become stressful.

GilbertMarkham · 18/02/2020 13:55

I also think he'd be more bothered by a continued total lack of engagement, so win win. He deserves that.

GilbertMarkham · 18/02/2020 13:55

*tempted

GilbertMarkham · 18/02/2020 14:00

Incidentally something has apparently not quite gone as expected/gone his way .... It's very unusual to dump someone like that, want to move on with no discussion and now try to re-engage/check if they're still an option; without something else (someone else) being in the picture.

You have to wonder what's been going on with him in terms of other people.

RaspberryBubblegum · 18/02/2020 14:00

I'd be tempted to screenshot his original message highlighting the "no need to reply" section.
What a knob.
Glad he's clearly feeling shit now though.
Stay strong OP!! Flowers

SalmonOfKnowledge · 18/02/2020 14:01

Well done for ignoring the drama bait!
He wants a row so he can win back moral highground.
He can never get that if you obey his "no need to reply" original text. He realises that now so he is trying to provoke you.

What an idiot!

GilbertMarkham · 18/02/2020 14:02

If he did it without someone else being in the picture/in his sights at least, then he's a bit mental, doesn't have a clue what he wants and dangerously flaky ... Not material to be trying to build a serious relationship with. Good odds he'd do it again.

SalmonOfKnowledge · 18/02/2020 14:03

Yes if you can stay strong and not respond so much the better.
A TOTAL lack of engagement will fuck with his ego the most.

Any response from you at all and he can say to himself "yes as i thought, she is childish, defensive, cold, blah blah blah".

There is so much dignity in never responding

toast1123 · 18/02/2020 14:04

I am a huge fan of "Fuck off. No need to reply"

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.