Dumped by text

[user1471427667]

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning.
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”
I feel absolutely blindsided. Didn’t see this coming at all. Aside from the shock of it, I feel so dismissed that he put “no need to reply” as if he I don’t have a say in it ( well I know I don’t but the urge is to try and talk about what he feels is wrong)
Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.
I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and everything I thought was real just isn’t.
Please help me retain some dignity and tell me best way to reply or not.

You are all really kind but I’m a bit embarrassed by the praise😊.
It’s all been really painful and I’ve lost count of all the hours I’ve cried and gone over everything I’ve done or said to him to see if I can work his actions out.
It’s all just such a huge waste of time . The bottom line is he doesn’t want to be with me, and I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. Begging, pleading, being angry with him, won’t change that, it just prolongs it all.
Plus I don’t want to look back and regret how I acted . Just because he doesn’t have integrity, doesn’t mean I have to lose mine.
The things that helped me were this thread- massively, when I was too cut up to even tell anyone irl and has continued to be very helpful to hear everyone’s stories and advice. What people did ‘wrong’ in the past is just as helpful as that’s how we learn.
Also helpful were talking with friends and family, physical exercise and a few tricks like only allowing myself a set time to really ‘wallow’ in my unhappiness- so an hour or so and then I made myself do something positive, however hard it was. If I was desperate to contact him, and I was at times, I’d say I’d do it in 24 hrs if I still felt the same. That way I didn’t have to think of ‘never’ speaking to him again. 24 hrs makes a huge difference . I also thought of all the possible outcomes of me contacting him and none of them were good.
I’m rambling now! What I’m trying to say is, thank you for being there in the really shitty times x

You sound ace!
Enjoy your weekend away

Good for you OP. Well done. Keep on keeping on

Aaah well done OP!! Enjoy your weekend away, well deserved x💕

Fantastic update OP! I’ve used the 24 hours thing too, it really worked for me.

Well him texting you again has given you back your power in regards to the dialogue between you, as now you can rise above it and him and head held high give him the biggest mental one fingered fuck off ever.

You're doing amazingly well OP! I am concerned about the big romantic day tomorrow though. He could ramp up the messaging/send flowers and really make you wobble. Can you do something nice with a friend?

The reason why I congratulate you is because I wish I had done this myself in the past

Cool as ice

You feel shit now but in the future you will (a) be so pleased and (b) realise all his failings

Plus I don’t want to look back and regret how I acted . Just because he doesn’t have integrity, doesn’t mean I have to lose mine.

This is key, I think. My exP had an affair and left me when our DS was 4 years old. It was a shit time, the absolute worst of my life but I behaved *perfectly". It was a great comfort at the time to know that I had the moral high ground and I was NOT going to lose it! And looking back, I'm proud of how I conducted myself. I took care of DS and myself and didn't lower myself to slanging matches or bitching about exP to DS.

Keep running too! Those exercise endorphins can be massively helpful! I fully believe that exercising in the fresh air (and especially rain!) is one of the best things you can do for your mental health.

Keep on keeping on OP!

Some one did a similar thing to me OP and letting him back in was such a big mistake! Stick to your guns- you’re doing the right thing!

He treated your feelings with no respect and gave you no opportunity to to discuss the end of your relationship with him. Ending a relationship is never a nice thing to do, but done properly it can help the other person accept it. He gave you none of this.

Keep going on as you are. You’re an inspiration!

You need to write a book on how to take rejection with dignity. You have shown that you are worth more than your ex - so much more.

Hope you have a lovely weekend away, you've been so strong.

RE the phone, i know its kind of sorted but if you do want to block his texts completely, it might be you need to upgrade your phone, ie my phone when i choose the option to block, it blocks calls and texts but my mums phone which is a bit older than mine (but still a decent android), only blocks calls and no option block texts.

Its a good option to have and an potential investment into your mental health to get a newer model of phone if it was an option financially and he continues to bother you.

Think, likewise, your story is helping others too. I would aspire to have your resolve, grace and dignity OP.

Just wanted to echo what many others have said. I've followed your thread from the start and what an inspiration. Well done OP for being so strong. Enjoy your weekend away, very well deserved.

Hopefully this weekend will blow away some cobwebs.

Years ago, OP, a boyfriend ended it suddenly, with no explanation or anything, he just told me to move out. It was very distressing. A few weeks or months later I flounced by, turning up at his flat, maybe on the pretext of picking up something I’d forgotten. I think I was quite upset/angry and maybe showed it for a minute or two. Before flouncing out.

The point of my story is that he wasn’t worth my loss if dignity. Somebody who ends a relationship so abruptly and cruelly has something missing emotionally. It’s just the way they are, I’m not even sure it’s all their fault, I now think. Although I do think “no need to reply” was an extra added icyness or weirdness.

I’ve been lurking on this thread since OP created it. Seriously, this deserves to go into Classics or something like that as a prime example of how deal with the shittest treatment and handle yourself with pure class! I’m sure you’ve inspired other mumsnetters to have more strength and courage OP, I’ve been thinking of you and marvelling!! To the future 😊💃🏼🍷🍾

Hear, hear Mother. And liking your colourful emojos .

PS, I just wanted to add, I was genuinely heartbroken at the time, though it is over 25 years ago and its hard to remember why exactly. I think it took me a few years to get over actually .

Strangely, I bumped into him about 10 years later. He was with another girl of course. But regardless, whoever he is with in the future, anyone who gets shot of someone so coldly after a genuine relationship (I'm not talking about a few dates), as I said, has something missing IMO. They are certainly not going to be a good match for a deeper and more sensitive person. Honest, you are well rid, OP. Leave him to face the consequences of his actions, assuming he's even bothered.

Well done OP, when an ex finished with me by text I did reply but then got nothing back, which was even more infuriating, I wished I'd just gritted my teeth and not text like you have.

I hope this threads helps you remember just how far you've come already. It took me about a month to stop cyber stalking my ex and to block him on everything, once I did that I was able to get my head out of my arse and more on.

Onwards and upwards

.

Stay strong OP

Wanted to add that i, too, think you are doing amazingly.
Also, i wanted to say that, once upon a time my very avoidant boyfriend, who was hopeless at talking about emotions, had the decency to dump me face-to-face, in a gentle but firm manner. I really respected that he had the guts, unlike your boyfriend. Underneath, it's all about respect and treating people as decently as possible, qualities which your boyfriend seemed to lack. Good luck

OP has he tried to win you round today by sending flowers or a card

You're doing great xxx Happy 'Galentine's' Keep On Keeping On. xxx