Dumped by text

[user1471427667]

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning.
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”
I feel absolutely blindsided. Didn’t see this coming at all. Aside from the shock of it, I feel so dismissed that he put “no need to reply” as if he I don’t have a say in it ( well I know I don’t but the urge is to try and talk about what he feels is wrong)
Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.
I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and everything I thought was real just isn’t.
Please help me retain some dignity and tell me best way to reply or not.

@Lampan I totally agree with both your comments
@user1471427667 If you block him this is a reaction in itself. He will seize it as evidence of the hurt he has caused. This is because he is a selfish fuckwit.

I think the boots and jacket is really funny, but I so also think that he’d manage to turn into some sort of sleight against you. Convince himself he had actually made a good call dumping you so cruelly because you can’t be that bothered about him to be potentially shagging someone else already.

Remember women aren’t allowed to behave like men

And yes if you continue to do nothing my money is also in a better Valentine’s day present than last year. He’s so transparent you can see through him

Your resolve is amazing.
3 bloody texts!
What a fuckwit he is.
NOW he is realising what he has thrown away.
Fucking cock!
You go girl!

Oh my god. Hahaha what a nob! He will be absolutely stewing that you haven't replied!

You will never ever get the chance to redress the power balance if you reply to him at all.

He won't let you be the one with the power ever again. I know that you know that but just reiterating!

So proud of you!

Convince himself he had actually made a good call dumping you so cruelly because you can’t be that bothered about him to be potentially shagging someone else already.

But wouldn't that ultimately chip away at him even more?

In the dead of night he is in bed thinking "god, she's shagging someone else already?? She really doesn't need me after all".

I wouldn’t have been able to resist sending hahaha emojis when I received the “miss you” text. You’re stronger Than me!!!

Or sending. “Miss you, too”.
Then sending immediately. “Omg. I’m so sorry. I thought you were someone else! “

Thanks @stophuggingme
The fewer clues he has about the OP’s life, the better. If he thinks she has moved on either he will feel ‘off the hook’ or as you say, frame is as something that reflects badly on OP.
@ZestyMaximus I did say that thinking such a thing would be nonsense. And I agree. But this is likely how he would think! Anything to tell himself his behaviour was justified.

I was in a vaguely similar situation myself a couple of year ago. Nowhere near as extreme though. It is SO satisfying not to give him any glimpse at all into your life! No reactions, no games, nothing at all for him to warp into whatever makes him feel better!

Well done op you are sooo strong.

YOU are now in control, he's the one sat waiting for you to text, he's going to feel like the silly childish little man he is when he realises he can't reel you back in. I hate to say it but there are no genuine feelings of loss oh his part, he's prob just bored and in need of a distraction or ego boost.

My ex did this to me after 2 years of dating. He dumped me by text, told me he didn't want to have a mediocre relationship (how fucking rude) I wished him all the best then blocked him on everything. Three months later I got an email from him with just a 'X' on it. By him doing that he'd given me all the power, the power to ignore him, I finally felt in control. I didn't reply and blocked his email address. I've since realised he also had narcissist tendencies.

@PhilCornwall1
But wouldn't that ultimately chip away at him even more?

In the dead of night he is in bed thinking "god, she's shagging someone else already?? She really doesn't need me after all".

Of course there is the possibility of that.
But if you look at his behaviour thus far it smacks of a man whose head is lodged up his own arse. These men normally cannot conceive of anyone ever moving on from or getting over them, they don’t want a woman to do that. In his mind I believe if the OP hinted at a new man he would be unable to see it as anything other than her trying to show the world she is over him when she isn’t really or that she is a slut. He is not a functioning adult with any discernible level of humility or self awareness to do what he has done so I suspect I am correct in guessing his reaction

What kind of response did he expect to "hey" after he slept with you and dumped you by text! Also, he slept with you knowing he was about to dump you - absolutely unforgivable and quite disgusting behaviour. Hope he lives to regret his decision every day. I was dumped after 4 years by the love of my life (at least he had the decency to do it face to face), he came back a couple of months later but I was immune to him then, I had to be as he had broken something in me. 3 years later he came to my wedding uninvited and stood at the back of the church. His loss.

I'd rather like the 'Fuck off. No need to reply' idea.

Stay strong. I'm glad it's doing his head in. Wanker.

@stophuggingme

Ah, I see what you mean, I didn't look at it in that way.

I know I'm male, but I really couldn't comprehend thinking of someone not being able to function without me, no matter what happened. I've been married for 2 decades, but the idea of my wife not being able to function without me is madness. She did it for 30 years before we were married and I'm not that special.

In that case then, definitely ignore the tosser, even if he comes to the door.

Hope you are doing ok OP!

I think you're an absolute legend for staying strong & ignoring him👌🏻👌🏻. If he didn't respect you enough to break up with you to your face like a grown man, then he doesn't deserve a THING from you. I reckon he's raging that you're not giving an inch.

(SOME) men are just weird. How can you just not care that you hurt someone that loved you & walk away like a coward??
Now he's getting a taste of his own medicine because now.. he has no hold over you and he's probably wondering... eh why isn't she responding or even getting upset with me, doesn't she care??😂😂😂

@m00rfarm 🤣

Just read this thread for the first time today OP and I also wanted to say well done for being strong and keeping a dignified silence! 💐

I had a similar break up with a guy I was completely and utterly in love with - he treated me like absolute shit when he ended it except he had the audacity to suggest we should still be ‘friends’ but keep any contact between us about generic subjects, like the weather etc. Cheeky fucking wanker! It was all about his need to know what I was doing whilst simultaneously keeping me in the dark about what he was up to. It backfired on him in the end though - I ended all contact with him for lots of underhanded things he did but mainly because he started telling me he was suicidal without me (which was a lie to elicit control over me).

I found out a few years later that literally months after we split up he got another girl pregnant and ended up having to marry her. I took great pleasure from knowing his snob of a Dad would have been apoplectic when he found out as he was at Uni at the time and ended up having to quit (presumably to support said wife and child). I will admit that even though I was over him and it was a few years later, I did break down over the fact he’d had a child with somebody else 😢

Still, it does get easier and you’re making great progress so keep it up - you will get through this! 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

You have won and he knows it. Now he's trying to grab the power back by provoking you into a response. Do not respond. This is over with now.

I had a guy like this years ago in my twenties, but I was a mug and would reply. Might as well have wrapped all my power up in a big red bow and handed it to him on a silver platter. Needless to say it didn't end well.

Better to go through the pain of ripping off the plaster now rather than keep getting yanked on his hook for the next two years.

If he can end things so callously then he is defective in some way. Normal, emotionally functional people aren't capable of behaving that way. Don't credit him with being a normal, emotionally functional person. He's demonstrated to you that he's not. So the best thing you can do is protect yourself from his headfuckery and ignore him for the rest of your life. I predict you will still be getting these kinds of messages in years to come (I did, and still do! But I ignore them now).

My ex was somewhere with a mutual friend (amongst other people) when he found out somehow that I was dating someone. Just for context: ex dumped me because I wasn't good enough. There was also someone else he wanted who was soooo much better.
Ex was absolutely shocked that I was dating. Mutual friend asked why. Ex told him that when he dumped me he never thought that I would move on and would always pine for him. He said he didn't realise that when he dumped me that that meant that I could move on. Mutual friend told ex that he was an idiot.

Sounds like your ex is an idiot as well. Don't reply but also don't block. When you block he knows he got to you. Let him wonder.

What a twat. Chin up OP.

I wouldn't bother with trying to hint that you have someone new.

For starters it will piss him off more if he knows there's more than likely no man on the scene and you are still choosing that option over him. You'd be surprised at the amount of men that simply cannot get their head around the fact that sometimes women prefer being single than being with their dickhead ex.

Silence is fucking golden. Well done, OP.

Sorry I left thread for a while - I turned off all my devices.
Had another text very late last night
‘?’
That was it. Just a fucking question mark!!!!!
It’s laughable really. Shouldn’t it be me sending him a fucking question mark? As in;
Why did you leave with just that text after 2 years ?????
I hardly slept last night, crying and thinking and over thinking and then thinking some more. I was doing so well trying not to focus on him but feel like I’ve taken a step backwards the last 24hrs.
After reading all these wonderful new messages here, I feel better - sort of reinforced with a Teflon coating that no fuckwit can penetrate!!
No texts from him today, so hopefully he’s got the message.
Can’t thank you all enough for your kindness, empathy and wisdom.
😘

Keep going OP you are doing so well. Do not reply and keep loving yourself and healing. It'll sting like a bastard right now but don't let him weedle his way back in as he would only hurt you again repeatedly. Believe me I've been there

What a twat! The ? Is ultimately saying why aren't you replying, please give me some attention.
I honestly would have sent 🖕🏻by now

@user1471427667 your strength of resolve and resilience has been astounding, I’m so impressed with you!

Is there no way you can mute, hide or block his messages? I think that’s necessary or every time he messages you some trite shite you’ll feel sucker punched again.

He will keep trying I’m sure, so put your Teflon armour on and be strong!