Dumped by text

[user1471427667]

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning.
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”
I feel absolutely blindsided. Didn’t see this coming at all. Aside from the shock of it, I feel so dismissed that he put “no need to reply” as if he I don’t have a say in it ( well I know I don’t but the urge is to try and talk about what he feels is wrong)
Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.
I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and everything I thought was real just isn’t.
Please help me retain some dignity and tell me best way to reply or not.

Yes, time to block and hold on to the power.

You handled it perfectly OP

Though I can see the argument for blocking him, I wouldn’t. If he knows that you have (you can tell on WhatsApp etc), it’s still a reaction and I wouldn’t even give him that. He’d only tell himself you were being pathetic or immature, or tell himself that he must still be getting to you. Just ignore but don’t block.

OP I have just read the whole thread and completely reiterate what everyone else is saying. You are an absolute hero!

The texts now just really confirm what a spineless, cowardly little bum hole he really is and, while I'm sure it's still very painful for you, it's also slightly laughable that he's pathetically trying to work his way back. Texting him back now would achieve nothing other than making him think you still care.

I too have been the victim of a quick 'we're over' text from someone I had quite an intense relationship with for nearly 2 years. He was an absolute tosser (although I couldn't see it at the time, he did me a massive favour!)
About a month after the game playing texts started and I remained silent. I never blocked his number because it riled him even more that I was getting his messages but just not replying.
He STILL occasionally randomly messages me now and it gives me immense satisfaction to ignore the twat

You are amazing, I wish you the best life

OP I read something the other day that reminded me of your thread - and that was before the update that he's now texted again. I can't find the link but will try to give you the gist of it, it's going to sound a bit weird but bear with me...

When women are in a relationship with men there is always the possibility of getting pregnant, and that makes us dependent on the man in some way, even when we're using birth control, even when as far as we know we're not actually pregnant - the potential is always there and it influences us in some way, even subconsciously, in terms of how we behave in the relationship both to "keep him" and "keep him sweet".

So when a relationship ends, when is the woman really free? Three to four weeks later, a menstrual cycle, when you know you're definitely not pregnant

And when do men often come crawling back...? So often this seems to be the case! It was predicted on your thread too, wasn't it?

Anyway like I said, I know things are complicated and this is simplistic but it resonates with quite a few women, I think!

You're doing brilliantly, OP. He sounds manipulative with his cold exit. "No need to reply" is designed so that you can't win. Replying makes you "unreasonable" and not replying puts you in an "obedient" position.

Sounds like he had a short fling and either got dumped or thinks he can have his cake and eat it. Can't believe he had the gall to eventually just say "Hey"! It sounds like he is compartmentalising his selfish, uncaring side, but you are aware of it now.

Keep on not texting!

How cold and mean.

You are certainly better off without this person who has no class and almost deserves a large tree landing on him and squashing him or a swarm of bees or something large and painful to trample him like he has you.

Presumably you need no further contact as you are not living together so dont have any possessions at his house? If so that's good. If not then you may have to send a text asking him to pack them and bring them to your home or you will collect and have a friend with you or if they would collect.

Please block him on all social media. Go and have a spar treament, consider volunteer activities in a dementia home as you will have lots of "grandparents" adoring you and forgetting and you can talk with them and they will be most sympathetic and forget and it will be fun. Go out with friends, join the gym.

You have escaped a very big bullet!

OP, can I ask if there were any signs of him being this spineless when you were still together? Can you think of anything?

Agree with others, ignore him. What a pathetic twat.

OP, I think you are incredibly strong and doing amazing (I know you’re not feeling that way yet).

I agree you shouldn’t waste your time diagnosing him but as other PPs have said, his behaviour is text book narcissist and it wouldn’t surprise me if he stepped up his game because you are ignoring him.

I found that channel on youtube when I was looking for answers on a weird situation I was facing myself and found it quite eye opening. I hope it’s ok to share links on here!

user1471427667 - you are doing amazingly well! Stay strong!

MN - you rock (as always)!

He wants you to reply so he can disappear again

You not replying and seemingly not bothered has dented his ego.

He needs to know you're there if he just gives you the word.

Don't do it. You're amazing

He will turn up Friday. Or if not in person, there will be flowers, a card etc.

Stay strong OP! 💪🏼 Must be so satisfying knowing he's probably checking his phone every two seconds...

In case he does turn up in person, practise saying "remember how last time we made love, you told me you didn't deserve me? Well, you were right about that". Then shut the door in his face.

Op can you imagine this as a conversation with his mates...?

Ex- "Well I text her it was over and told her not to reply"
Mates - "Nice one - what did she say?"
Ex- "Errm, well she didn't reply?"
Mates - " what? not at all?"
Ex- "well, no?"

3weeks later...
"Hey"
"Are you ok"
"I miss you"

He's embarrassed. He can't believe you actually let him go. Just like that.

You have the upper hand - keep it.

I wouldn't block him (yet), but I wouldn't reply either. See how desperate he becomes and then if he's on his knees, block him.

I somehow missed the update about the further texts last night. He’s actually quite laughable isn’t he! And I’m another who says expect a huge flower delivery on Friday. (so think of a local carehome or something that you could drop them at if you think they’ll bug you. It always seems a shame to bin them).

To copy some advice from another poster on another thread - borrow a man's jacket and boots from a friend and put them in your hallway, then if he does turn up just say "Oh I'm sorry but now's not a good time... I've got company" 😇

@Isbutteracarb that's is genius, love it!!!

@PhilCornwall1 I wish I could take credit for it, such a brilliant idea 😂

I actually can't believe he just text 'hey'...like you are meant to jump and reply, he really is a selfish man isn't he - all on his terms.

If it's upsetting you getting the messages then block him, if you are at the point you don't care less just keep them!

I am in shock at how he has treated you, and you have done so very well OP.

@Isbutteracarb that’s funny although I think if OP did that and he turned up it would give him ammunition against her, ie that she must have loose morals or some other such nonsense.
I think If he turns up just don’t answer the door!

Why would anyone (in the 21st centurary, who wasn't a misogynist) think that a single woman having a male visitor therefore had loose morals? She's single. He of all people should know that.

Anyway, the only important thing for him to observe is that he fucked up, lost the right to access to OP's life and now needs to leave OP alone.

I became quite the ice queen when I divorced my husband. He'd beg, plee forgiveness and then start the guilt trip. Granted, it was hard at first, however, it gave me a lot of time to reflect about the things I wanted. The experience has shaped me into a better person and I'm stronger than ever. I love it. I love being my own person and doing the things I WANT. The fact my wet blanket of an ex husband sees me looking better than ever and enjoying life irritates the hell out of it and I love it. To add salt to the wound, my twin boys always tell him about the hotties I go on dates with. No man is whittling my confidence away.

OP, he has given you a gift by texting.... power. He is on the back foot now so do not under any circumstances reply... even if he apologises!!!!

user1471427667 I absolutely love the fact that you haven't replied to any of his messages and how well you've handled this. If and when this ever happens to me I hope can handle it as brilliantly as you. Hope you're feeling ok today.