Dumped by text

[user1471427667]

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning.
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”
I feel absolutely blindsided. Didn’t see this coming at all. Aside from the shock of it, I feel so dismissed that he put “no need to reply” as if he I don’t have a say in it ( well I know I don’t but the urge is to try and talk about what he feels is wrong)
Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.
I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and everything I thought was real just isn’t.
Please help me retain some dignity and tell me best way to reply or not.

You are my inspiration!!

Just delurking to say
Ha!!

Your initial silence not responding to his original message has really unsettled him and he is hating not knowing, and not getting a reaction from you.
Well done! Such a good reminder that silence really is golden and speaks volumes.

(If you’re me then don’t hit the wine as that’s when I’m most vulnerable to ill advised messaging!)

The Mumsnet Army, shields up, surrounding the OP and allowing her to be safe in her vulnerability. Repelling the enemy while she heals and gathers strength.

Love it!

He gets nothing from me now.

Ha! Go you, OP, because what he can get from you is all that seems to motivate him. Can't believe the gall of the twat not even to apologise - no no, just "I miss you", as if his regret is more important than the three weeks of hell he's just put you through. Wanker.

‘Did she dump you already? Not sure why you think this has anything to do with me.’

My friends ex was caught shagging about. He got back in touch after nine months saying "I was worried about you, wondered if you was ok?"

No apology, no explanation still. My friend was very strong and did reply "no apology or explanation still? My life is wonderful now without you"
But your silence is better. He is a total prick. I hope his dick shrivels up and falls off on your behalf.

Stay silent OP, you've done amazingly well.. If I were you I would delete his number and all the texts so I would never be tempted.to reply but it looks like you have amazing self-restraint anyway!

You are my hero op. Keep not replying. The wanker doesn't deserve a reply after what he's put you through and what kind of pathetic texts are those??

Ah so I’m guessing the grass wasn’t greener and his new woman he dumped you for hasn’t worked out so he’s testing the waters with you to see if the door is still open

Word for word what I said! What an absolute predictable prick.

Now he’s going to get more grovelly, then start saying you’re sulking, can’t we talk like adults, then probably something nasty.

I actually didn’t expect him to act as soon as he has! Even more pathetic than I thought!

I’m just watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Ron has just returned after stropping off in a huff and said hey! Hermione replied “you come back after three weeks of nothing and you say Hey??” Then punched him. It reminded me of this thread!

It doesn't feel like it right now, but this is actually GREAT news.

You are actually 100% in control of this situation now. And you're doing everything right.

I did just google 'blocking texts android' and stuff comes up, so I really recommend you work out how to do that. It MUST be possible. Think of it as you pulling up your drawbridge to protect yourself.

wow, what an arse, one minute it's ''no need to reply'' then 3 weeks later ''I miss you''.

What a headfuck.

Stay strong and leave him checking his phone in confusion!

I like the reply ''fuck off, no need to reply'' but NOT replying will confuse him more.

How fucking dare he. Even though we all knew that you not contacting him would put him off kilter and he would try to test the waters with you eventually, it still pisses me off.

You're doing so well though, OP! Keep on not responding (remember Fried Green Tomatos), and enjoy the mental image of him constantly checking his phone so see if you've responded, and feeling his fragile little ego take another trampling every time he realises with despair that you haven't.

I guarantee that is exactly what is happening, and it's exactly what he deserves.

Well done OP!
Continue not replying as he's giving his fishing line a yank trying to see if you are still hooked up (ego boost). Don't give him the satisfaction, even for a "f**k off". He is a complete twat and after how he treated you and how he ended things, you deserve better! (Your pasta will give you waay more satisfaction than he will!! )
Make yourself some exciting plans for Valetines Day & spoil yourself - night out with friends, or a "treat"/self-love of some kind (massage, new hair etc).

Omg - just saw this update - I can’t believe it - so predictable. You know, when my ex got back in contact I worked so hard to get him invested back into me (not that he was aware of this). I said in earlier post that he ended up asking me to marry him just over a year after he dumped me (and my DCs). But the relationship wasn’t the same as the hurt never went away for me. I couldn’t trust him and I resented the previous pain he’d put me through. My DCs didn’t want him back either.

But... it is a good feeling for them to be missing you . I knew I shouldn’t care when that ex wanted me back, but it was so satisfying. I knew I was still desirable and it was good for my shattered self esteem.

He is with someone else now and I did see him in an supermarket carpark last weekend (no horse though!) - I thought of this thread - I am about a stone lighter but unfortunately I had just just done a house clean and gardening and looked like a bleached stained dirty greasy haired mess!

OP, one day you will be with someone else and you will be so relieved that you did not end up with someone like this guy. Use this experience to reveal yourself as a dignified, strong, elegant woman - you know you have value and only a man who appreciates your worth deserves to have your love.

Oh my goodness the CHEEK!

You are doing the right thing not replying- he just wants an ego stroke. As soon as you engage he’ll be off, happy that you’re bothered.

Just another thought OP - I know you won’t reply and that’s great.
But just imagine for a second if you did text back and then he never replied to you - you would have lost all your power and mystery and it would make you feel awful. You would be kicking yourself! That alone is a reason not to reply!

So much good advice already on this thread and especially @lampan - imagine if you did text back and then he didn’t reply! You would feel awful.
At the end of the day, even if you got back together, the trust has gone and you’d be forever wondering if he was going to be there when you got home or whether he’d cleared off into the sunset.
The absolute brass neck of the bloke though!

Be prepared for him now to turn it round and accuse you of being cold/heartless/never having really loved him if you can be this cold, etc.

It will rattle you - does he have a point?- but remember how utterly cold and heartless he was at the beginning of all this, and what you're doing is self-protection, pure and simple. He's shown what he's capable of, and it's harmful. Not forgiveness territory!

@billietheskid, that is horrendous. So glad life is good for you.

OP, you will never know why he is like this but you do know he is a weak, emotionally immature manipulative individual. I think the shock comes from discovering who they really are and how deceptive they are to hide their true self for so long.

Like others I married a man who hid his real character for years. After periods of quietness I get random texts or on one occasion a photo of his new gf..when I ignore he will follow up apologising for "accidentally" sending. I think they want some reaction, negative or positive to show that they still matter to you. Ignoring them stops being you being caught up in their emotional mess. It takes time though to get to the "meh" stage ...so rant away whilst you go through this.

@gottastopeatingchocolate hope you're ok
We can all see what a ego-massage seeking d1ck he is, and at your expense! but I hope that you're ok, cos it's still extremely hard when you're in the middle of this fog. When they're still contacting you but you know they're not good for you.

I hope he is checking his phone every ten minutes today. he realises now, he may have ''dumped'' you but you were the one who knew you were more than him, and that is the perfect place to leave it.

I can't believe he sent 2 more. You are my strength idol OP, we need to share your strength with some of the other posters on Mumsnet coz you are fabulous!
What a dick

@Lampan yes, I think that's what he wants, for the OP to reach out to him so that HE can be the one to leave her unanswered. What's panned out here makes him very confused and unsettled so he is trying now to give it the ending he is comfortable with.

Well done OP.

Time to block him now to start your own healing. I know that is hard, but it's the next step in disengaging for your own sake.