Dumped by text

[user1471427667]

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning.
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”
I feel absolutely blindsided. Didn’t see this coming at all. Aside from the shock of it, I feel so dismissed that he put “no need to reply” as if he I don’t have a say in it ( well I know I don’t but the urge is to try and talk about what he feels is wrong)
Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.
I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and everything I thought was real just isn’t.
Please help me retain some dignity and tell me best way to reply or not.

I know my posts are short, but just wanted to say you’ve nearly done a whole week. Well done you. You genuinely sound amazing.

OP. Each day will get better and you'll get stronger. The feeling good will happen more and more. He did you a massive favour by telling you not to reply. No contact is always best. Well done you're doing brilliantly keep going.

Well done OP , from someone else similarly shat on . Had a DP , who had a horrific riding accident and broke his back , which put him in hospital for 6 months . I drove 40 miles every day each way to see him , looked after his horse , and we made plans about our future whilst at his bedside . Then , two days after he got out of hospital , I was royally dumped , because he just wanted some fun and apparently I was ‘boring ‘ . So, ( partly because I was in such shock I think ) I completely blanked him. Never spoke of him ever to our large mutual group of friends , never alluded to him again . He sold his horse ( sent it to a dealer to upset me ) and laughed about it to his friends , who told me .

What they didn’t know , was the dealer was a very old school friend of mine , and I bought him off her . The very very best part , was riding past his house ( I had to, he lived on the same road as the stables!) when he was outside washing his car . His face was a picture . I still say I got the best bit of that relationship . The horse . My partner in crime for 15 years . The DP ? Still a fickle , unfaithful lowlife , even after 25 years , apparently .

Oh and another musical recommendation

‘I forgot that you existed ‘ - Taylor Swift . Very singalongable , I find .

Just read your thread, user3575796673 and just wanted to say I think you're doing fabulously. Not replying to something like that takes incredible resolve but as time goes on you'll only reap the benefits. That's a week down already.

I wouldn't be so sure he will be in contact when he's managed to escape with little to no drama or inconvenience to himself. If he does, it'll probably be out of sheer curiosity or looking for an ego massage by giving you the opportunity to tell him how much you've missed him/want him back. In which case I would say something along the lines of, "You're not the man I thought you were, and even that wasn't particularly impressive. Don't contact me again."

To me, the 'no need to reply' comment, added to his previous comments about not being good enough, indicate a low self-esteem and need to be reassured and validated, but in the most toxic way possible - ie, breaking up just so that you'll tell him how much you love him and want him back.

For what it's worth, I don't think he was saying it in a brutal, heartless way, but rather in a pathetic, needy way.

You are very well rid of him and doing 100% the right thing by NEVER replying!

I get what you said about not replying makes you feel like you're having to do what he says.
I think I would have texted back after a few days with something like "sorry meant to reply earlier...to be honest I had been thinking of finishing with you for quite a while myself so I'm actually quite relieved. All the best etc"

I would say 'that's a bit deep, we weren't even serious' with a wink emoji '

Sorry you are going through this.

OP, you are empowering yourself with your silence. This will help you as you move through the grieving/healing process.

He will be unsettled by your dignity. When he eventually makes contact, tell him that you’ve moved on, and was surprised to learn that he is not a man of integrity.

were surprised

You should be incredibly proud of your strength, determination and ability to see your own value.

This is a truly awful time for you, but you’ll look back on this and realise it was the making of you. If you can get through this - and you already are - no obstacle (and certainly no man!) will ever be able to break you.

Late to the pity party but have rtft and WOW op, you're so strong to not have texted or called him! Incredible. I definitely would have failed miserably and felt worse, waiting for his reply. You're a total inspiration. Keep up with the 'self care', the heart break will ease and you'll come out of this stronger and wiser. 🏆

Pliminoagain I love you got his horse !

OP you are amazing. You are grieving the loss of what you thought you had and the future you planned and the waves of grief will come and go for a while longer. Let them wash over you - you’ll come up for air each time and be fitter, better stronger. You’ll be riding high on a horse through the Tesco car park soon enough!

Seriously @user1471427667 you’re doing amazingly well!

Your challenge whenever you choose to accept it is to make that Tesco moment the best damned Tesco moment ever!

You will rise my dear, you really will!

I loved the horse story! @Pliminoagain, sounds like even the horse is happier without him!

@plominoagain Your story is exquisite with its coup de grace! thanks for sharing!

One day OP you will be able to just think ‘what an immature dickhead’ , there is the old saying ‘this too will pass’ . I thought when I left my first husband that the world ended, it didn’t, I found actually a new lease of life, not all smooth, but it taught me ‘this too will pass’ is so true

Sorry this happened OP. I was engaged to my ex, had been together for 4 years. I woke up one morning and through the night he had packed his shit and drove 500 miles away, never to return.

I was obviously gutted at the time but OMG, I thank my lucky stars every day since. The time will come that you will be glad things never worked out the way you thought you wanted them to

Wow! Came here to re read some messages on here as was having a bit of a wobble, and I’m overwhelmed with all of the new messages and original ones combined. I’m sure all the stories and support will help so many people as well as me
I went for my run this morning. It was an effort but I thought of you lot all cheering me on and it pushed me out the door. Physical exercise definitely helps. I’m starting to be able to eat a few more things to. Porridge is my go to at the moment.
LOVE the story about the horse! I can’t ride, but one day I’d like to feel that way!

Use morrisseysqiif's reply if you hear from him again, or no reply.

Not sure if I’ll ever hear from him again,, or what he could say, but will cross that bridge if/ when I come to it.
Tempting though it is to reply with something like “well I was about to dump you anyway”. It’s not true and he would know that. It would just be me hurting and lashing out.
I still love him.
But as a pp said, he is not the man I thought he was. I just need to keep telling myself that.

I was once dumped by a letter through the door - full of Robbie Williams lyrics “I’ve got too much blood running through my veins to waste on something not real” etc

I was dumped by letter once.
I got out my red pen and circled all the spelling and grammatical errors, and sent it back to him marked “must try harder”.

In your case OP, silence speaks volumes. Don’t give him the satisfaction of your pain.

Well done for getting through the weekend op. Your post about calling him 'him' not ex reminded me of the big bang theory episode with Clogzilla in it? Based on that I wondered if you could find/ elaborate his appalling behaviour (or another story) to come up with a nickname for him that he would really hate.

Like Texttw*t.

Doh. Should read: use his appalling behaviour (or find/ elaborate another story) ..

This...

Just wanted to add my perspective as a man, and as an occasional moron.

This is just my view and I could be wrong and I don't want to upset you, but...

This sounds like a guy who falls in love easily and probably often. He loves falling in love, and gets infatuated quickly. But he struggles to maintain this over time. The thrill wears off. When his head is turned, he becomes infatuated quickly, and this overtakes his ability to be a nice guy and do the right thing.

When he said those nice things to you the other day, he was in his own rubbish way trying to make you feel better about what was to come. He was trying to drop in his excuse that he wasn't good enough for you.

This is the hard bit: He is infatuated right now with someone else. This enables him to act like a complete git, because his infatuation destroys his sense of right and wrong.

So my view is that he is the person you knew, you don't need to question yourself about what you thought of him. You just didn't know he could so easily become infatuated with someone else, and treat you so badly as a result. How could you have known this, until it happens?

Wherever he is now, his new flame has the same thing coming to her, eventually.

The reason I believe this, is because to my shame, this is me, and I have to fight to deal with it. I read mumsnet from time to time in order to give my head a shake and realise the damage this behaviour causes.

His new infatuation will wear off. And when it does he's going to have some very uncomfortable memories of what he did to you.

If his new fling doesn't work out, it is HIGHLY likely he'll come crawling back with excuses. An earlier poster described how men can break up quickly and easily and then a month later fall apart, whereas a woman goes through hell and a month or three later gets on with her life. This is (broadly) true, in my experience at least.

I've read every suggested text that some here have suggested sending. Not one of them would have the desired effect. He will see through them all, as do I. Every one of them gives the power back to him. Please, PLEASE do not message him. If it was me, I'd be delighted to get anything back from you. I would read it, process it in the way that suits me, and then feel happier because now I have the closure I needed.

If you feel the need, write him a long and detailed letter about why he's a git and how badly he hurt you.

Then burn it.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but you're handling it amazingly well. Keep going.