Dumped by text

[user1471427667]

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning.
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”
I feel absolutely blindsided. Didn’t see this coming at all. Aside from the shock of it, I feel so dismissed that he put “no need to reply” as if he I don’t have a say in it ( well I know I don’t but the urge is to try and talk about what he feels is wrong)
Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.
I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and everything I thought was real just isn’t.
Please help me retain some dignity and tell me best way to reply or not.

Well done OP for not replying. I bet he's pissed off and wondering why you didn't bother responding even if he doesn't want to be with you. A similar thing happened to a friend of mine some years ago. He dumped her by email after 3 years together, she didn't respond, he eventually rang her after a few weeks and was enraged about why she didn't reply. He must have been calling her bluff or playing mind games to see how she'd react. She never knew he had such a temper until then so he actually did her a favour and she had a lucky escape. Some people are just nuts and it takes a while for them to show their true colours. OP this experience will make you stronger in the end, just keep resisting any urge to respond.

Good morning 😀
Had a lovely time with my sister last night. Slept quite well but woke up at 4am again and started thinking and over thinking everything about him and us. Then I just decided to STOP. It solves nothing and he sure as hell didn’t waste much time over thinking how I would feel receiving a text like that!
So, I got up, finished sorting my kitchen cupboards into ridiculously pleasing baskets and glass jars 😊, made some oat cookies and have just been out for a run. Feel so much better. I know that may be short lived, but will enjoy the feeling while it lasts.
You are all so encouraging and wonderful. How much nicer to read all your encouraging, positive stories than be engaging in some sort of text battle with him.
I took a few moments to write that last word “him” as was going to put “my ex” but got got upset even thinking of him as that☹️. Baby steps for now.
Despite all your lovely comments, I feel far from dignified, but that’s because I can see the mess I am . The good thing is though that he can’t see that or know anything about what I’m feeling or how I’ve taken the news.
Still hate the fact he put ‘no need to reply’. I don’t want him to think that the reason I haven’t replied is because he’s told me not to!!! But as the days go by, I’m glad I shook off the urge to reply either in anger or bewilderment. He doesn’t deserve my attention in any way.
I’ll come back and re read that sentence when I’m next hit in the pit of my stomach at the loss and dying to contact him !
Hope you all have a good Sunday - This time last week I was looking forward to seeing him tomorrow and we were texting cute messages to each other. Crazy how everything can change so quickly.

I admire you.

You did the right thing not replying. After he sent that text he probably spent the next 72 hours looking to see if you'd sent an indignant reply. He must be a bit confused! I know it doesn't matter how he feels though. It matters how YOU feel.

You're doing everything right!

There will be times when you feel absolutely wretched but they will become fewer.

You're enjoying the small things like running and baking.

Very impressive.

Your dignity is not letting that soulless berk see any of your pain and unhappiness over this horrible blow.

Also, he will be irked that you've not responded at all but it sounds like you've not let that be your motivation.

He put that ''no need to reply'' in to protect his own ego. It's win win for him.

He will know deep down you just decided it wasn't worth replying. You're strong enough to not care what he thinks.

I can imagine him picking up his phone every half hour feeling flat that you hadn't bothered to respond.

OP if he comes back in a few weeks, months time with a poor-me story hold your head up high and simply say he let you down and you've moved on. He cannot be trusted at all.

The fact that he could just walk away with no explanation makes me think he may try walking back in the same way because in his head this is normal. You really deserve so much more!

User.... you are an inspiration to us all and as much as you are berating yourself I and I'm sure many others think you are doing AMAZING. I was dumped 25 years ago in a similar manner to you (unfortunate we were married, together for slightly over 2 years in total) obvs not by text, I was told at 1.00am, he just said.... 'this is not working for me' walked out and although I knew he was at a friends I didn't see him and he wouldn't engage in any way other than one adamant insistence via his mum that the relationship was over and that I just didn't make him happy.... we only communicated via the solicitor. 25 years later I'm actually smiling at the memory, because I find it funny because he doesn't have ME.... yes it took me years to realise that but I now know what I mourned was the person I thought he was, i have a family of similar personalities to my ex, I have read books, scoured the internet to try and work out just why some people are like them and I've come to the conclusion 'thats just the way they are'
There was absolutely nothing you could have done or changed, contacting him will give him the reason to validate what a terrible thing he has done.
You have shown great composure and dignity, his life will be far far worse without you in it.

Awful treatment.

Try and now turn this negative into a positive. Focus on yourself and just try to have fun. Book the holiday to the place you've been wanting to go to for years and go with a friend or some family. Risk it and get your hair done in a way you've been umming and ahhing about for a while. Look for a new job, see if you can earn more. Treat yourself to a spa day. Plan a few different weekends catching up with some friends and family you haven't seen for a bit. Hit the gym.

In times where I've had a setback romantically Ive been on solo city breaks, hot lazy beach holiday with a friend, gymmed a lot, minor cosmetic procedure I'd ummed and ahhed about for years

He put that ''no need to reply'' in to protect his own ego. It's win win for him

I agree and also wonder if this is his modus operandi so evolved his text based on experience. When I met Ex I knew he had a past as we were in our 30s so there was history (and it was verifiable) but I now believe there was a complete backstory that I was not privy to. Only the passages of time has revealed this.

@coffeeeandtv obviously this is a whole rabbit hole in itself, but I dated a love-bomber, met him online, of course I did [sigh] and I was shocked when he ghosted me but later after the shock and the upset had passed I realised that the trigger had not been parts of myself that I had revealed to him, the trigger for the ghosting was that I had seen parts of him. Basically, when I could no longer reflect back to him what he intended to project, I had to go..

I know some ghosters just want to move on and cannot be arsed and it's not always a session on a couch, by proxy, but............ often, it's that.

Fantastic response welholy you have hit the nail on the head... and you have given me plenty to think about when I ruminate on my relations ridiculousness. Hope we have helped OP. I must admit, when I read your original post and came to the part where he said no need to reply my hackles rose.... he is a real CF... and you are maintaining your dignity not following instructions.

Basically, when I could no longer reflect back to him what he intended to project, I had to go..

This is so true ...

Wellholygodmiley.-He put that ''no need to reply'' in to protect his own ego. It's win win for him.
Yep, I think that’s exactly it.Also.... Basically, when I could no longer reflect back to him what he intended to project, I had to go.. This really hit home and has given me a lot to think about.

Chocmallows. -everyone I’ve spoken to irl about it says I should be prepared for him contacting me sometime in the future and what I’ll do/say. Right now, I honestly don’t know, but I’d definitely be curious to read it.
Coffeeandtv. - thank you for sharing your story. What a piece of work your ex was to just walk out of a marriage, no explanation or meaningful conversation about it. Just so ice cold.
I’m tired of trying to work out why he did it that way. Nothing can justify that and the fact he can’t even express any remorse about it ( it’s been a week and I wondered if he would in the first few hours/days after sending it, follow up with an apology for doing it that way).

NRPDad- thank you. I am starting to do a few of those things. I’ve had a haircut, quite a bit shorter which I’m really liking. He always said he liked my long hair so it felt particularly good seeing inches of it being cut off and falling onto the floor at hairdressers!!!

Cobblersandhogwash. - Thank you for your encouraging words.
There is no way I want him to know how he has affected me. If he had had a proper face to face conversation with me, he would have known how sad I was. I would have tried to ask for answers a bit but I would like to think at the end I would have wished him well . As I said before, I have in previous relationships been the dumpee and the dumper and it’s always been hurtful but done with respect.

For a 2 year relationship im sure it will be hard to not get some further info at least. Unless you dont care that is. If you're confused I would call him (once) or message. If he doesnt want to speak or respond then Id go no contact.

user1471427667 you are awesome!!!

Stay dignified and classy, move comfortably in your new look/hair, you are an inspiration to so many here, my vote for OP to be a "super MNer" if there isn't such a thing, there should be

You are doing so well! Just keep hanging in there, your self-care projects, running, baking and seeing friends are what will get you through.

I don't know you but I know you are worth 17,000 times him!!! One day you will have a fabulous "Tesco moment", he will think he has this power over you and you can just do the thumbs up emoji, in real life!

You are strong and amazing. Keep it up

Hi Ruby, it is hard yes . He is the only person that knows why he ended it and why he ended it in the particular way he did. He is choosing everyday since to not tell me more /check if I’m ok etc
Everyone deals with break ups differently and I’m not sure there is a ‘right’ way. I just know that, for now at least, this is making me feel slightly better than trying to contact him

Happystep - No, you lot are the inspiration. I’m just trying to stubble through somehow, but reading all the thoughts and stories of people who have been through similar and have come out the other side while I’m still flailing around in the thick of it is so helpful
Truerefuge - Thank you. Am going to keep up the running this week as something to focus on. I shall have Tesco car park thoughts to keep me going!! 👍👍👍

What a lovely woman you are, you deserve happiness. This thread has really touched me; your posts as well as those from so many supportive people, some of whom have shared their own stories. Mumsnet at it's best. Please check in periodically and update us, and perhaps start a new thread in one year and let us know how you are doing, we'll all remember you

Wow OP, well done.
You are very inspiring.
You are doing everything right - DO NOT REPLY TO HIM!
I admire you. Well done. You sound great. His loss.

Another similar story, he left. I was devastated. He wanted a baby , I didn't.
Almost exactly 9 months later a friend saw him in town with a woman and their new baby.
Pre mobiles thankfully otherwise I know I'd have been sending begging texts.
Approx 2 years later , he rang wanting to meet up , I just laughed and said no.
My new boyfriend and I laughed about it.