I’ve just read the whole thread and I had something similar happen a while ago - I had just given up my house and moved across the UK to move in with him (bringing my DCs). I was so shocked when he ended it out of the blue within a month of us moving in. I had to move out and it was devastating - I actually felt physical pain and so very ashamed that I had trusted him and not picked up the change in him. He was a love bomber at the beginning and had pestered me for years to move in with him. My DCs and parents adored him. Parents and friends were so happy we were moving in the together.
My reaction was to go cold on him and not show him how I felt. I moved out and acted indifferent. He couldn’t work out why I was so cool (I was a serious mess inside). A year later he asked me to marry him, but I could never trust him again and the relationship was doomed to fail. Eventually, I ended the engagement. He met someone else within a week of me ending it and they are still together 2 years later.
I think he was flawed and enjoyed the beginning of a relationship, but he didn’t know what love means long term. This thread helped me at the time
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3348068-do-you-ever-get-over-heartbreak?pg=2&order=
I thought this post was good.
Orange6904
Maybe with the other break ups you saw it coming?
If it's not what you wanted it's going to be hard to deal with. It's normal how you're feeling.
Here's some advice from a thread I made from a user called @DonkeyPlease
Have read your whole thread. I don't have much time but I'm going to write you some tips for coping through a change like this. Ymmv but this is what worked for me.
- you can't switch on anger. You have to focus on where you are at present, and fully feel what you are going through right now. That's how you 'graduate' to the next stage of anger. Read this:
www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html
Note also that it's normal to cycle back into previous stages of grief. Especially if you've tried to avoid feeling the sorrow and sadness and pain.
- please try not to drink. It will keep you stuck where you are emotionally.
- when you start to feel pain, stop trying to talk yourself out of it, and try to stop the ruminating over "why" etc. Feel it, cry and remind yourself constantly and with real kindness, that is it OK to hurt. Pain won't kill you. Don't run from it, run to it and embrace yourself with love and compassion. Your hurting because you have been injured. There is no shame in that, it's an honest and true thing. And it is temporary. Allow it to happen. Emotions pass if you let them flow through.
- when you can't stop ruminating, write it down. I can't tell you how much this helps. Talk to yourself.
Go in circles if you must. But get it out. Write awful poetry. Write to him, write to yourself, to people who hurt you before, to God, to the hills, to turn ocean, to the friend who died or faded away, to the teacher who always seemed to understand you - just write because it's like draining off an infection so that the poor wound beneath can breathe and heal.
- write down a list of things that nurture and calm you. My list included: making tea, baking, lighting candles, memorizing poetry and reciting it, going for a long walk, doing HIIT workouts, eating ice cream, being close to water or forest, being barefoot, singing, having a bath, dancing, listening to certain types of music, drawing. Think back to the things you did as a child. Including things that seem silly. They all count.
- recipe for surviving a terrible day:
Acknowledge you are hurting
Remind yourself that this is temporary but you're going to love yourself through it
Write down everything that you feel
Go to your list
Do things on your list as much as possible until you feel better OR the day is over.
- tell people and lean on them.
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