Everyone's replies are awesome- thanks.
@category12 That's a great analogy.
@Branleuse Your post is very sensible. I do still want him as a friend, and for the stuff we do sexually, though we've always said that's secondary to the friendship.
@SirChing Thanks for asking about the course. I was very anxious, but am sure I'll settle in in a couple of weeks.
'OP originally you said you hadn't discussed this relationship with your therapist as you had more pressing matters than a mismatch of sexual preferences to discuss. Being in hospital as a result of his behaviour - physical abuse, causing you to attempt suicide, significantly impacting on your mental health? Either of those seems more than worthy of discussing with your therapist.'
@Notcoolmum I don't think I quite said that. I maybe said I don't feel the need to focus what I'm doing in therapy on trying to like oral sex, as he suggested. :) I went over the stuff that happened in Autumn 2018 with the psychologist yesterday. I spent the best part of several months with a therapist talking over it at the time.
We're going to be doing EMDR, so we're currently going through my life looking for the most painful memories, which we'll then target. It'll be hard to pick out which ones are the worst over the last few years (not all/most down to him for the first year or so-- some other events I experienced too- financial and problems with consultants etc.) Over the last year I've gradually got back on my feet, though.
'Also, can you explain this comment you made OP?
I find him hot.smile I know he can be a wrong'un - he landed me in hospital once due to his rejection.
What do you mean? What happened?'
@Tfgjiknfr It's a long story but basically I took an overdose after he rejected me both as a lover and mostly as a friend. He was dealing with family stuff for a time, and didn't feel he had the time/energy for me and some others, only for some of his friends that he prioritized (we weren't at that level of friendship then.) He really rubbed it in how he was choosing some friends over me- he was obviously relieved to not have to deal with me. Part of this was due to my own behaviour- I was ill, had recently been raped by an acquaintance, and was hard work. I was absolutely gutted at this rejection, as I blamed myself. Another reason they admitted me was they saw me as at risk of sexual exploitation. I went in willingly, and was in for just 3 weeks.
Met up with him today- one of the first things he asked was whether I'd be prepared to go to the adult cinema today for £40 (I think we've discussed this, mainly as a joke/lighthearted sometimes, so it's not as bad as it sounds.- I said no.
Spoke to him later and summarised what you 'guys' have said. He said partly that it was that I hadn't been clear, and for instance if he asked if I wanted to do Z, I'd sometimes say 'not at the minute' or something. I apologised or something, and made it clear that I don't want to do X or Y.
He tried to blame a health condition he has for him forgetting what I've said- but that mainly effects him only on certain days when he has treatment, and his memory etc is fine on the other days.
Then later on he got into this annoying habit he has- he asks me questions about sexual activities and what I would be prepared to do and not do. It puts me on the spot and I feel very uncomfortable. I suppose I have to tell him I'm not happy with it- I know it seems wrong that I don't want to talk about likes/things I'm willing to do etc. Maybe it's just me. Or something in the way he does it. :/ I don't like to tell him that I don't want to do something, as I don't like him to be disappointed with me.
So:-
Do you mind it when you do N?' (I said I didn't mind, which was maybe a lie lol, the real answer was it was ok once when he was clean) 
.
Will you ever be willing to do Q?'
'So you don't want us to both R?'
'How do you feel about T? And how would you feel if someone was watching us, would you want to stop them?'
Is it me, or would this make some of you feel uncomfortable? I know it's generally said that lovers should talk about their likes or dislikes. IDK, maybe it's because the things are so far beyond what I would want to do. It's how he does it- sort of puts me on the spot. And he must know I find it hard to say no to him.
I also found him bringing sex into normal conversation. For instance I'm bi and sometimes like to go along to LGBT stuff- honestly more to be around like minded people and make friends, rather than to pull. He always tries to sexualise what I'm doing at these meets. So I said that I might go along to an LGBT film club's showing of a film tonight. He said 'oh that's good, you might pull' or something like that.
I also said I might go over and see my ex (bestie.) He said 'Do you ever feel like shagging 'Fred'?' 'Would you give him J?' Or something like that.
I might have to tell him to ease off with all that lol.