Contact from the other woman

[FMO1976]

I have just received a text from the woman I suspected my husband was having an affair with - it arrived when we were in the car together and it was read out through the car speakers.

She said she felt that needed to tell me - people are gossiping at work, and she has told him to stop the contact. What should I do?

@EstrellaPequena

The wining and dining in his free time is the one that really upsets. That’s time his kids deserve accepting his job and travel schedule. His view will be that he wants to have fun and enjoy his free time, and he can’t figure a way to do that with the kids. He doesn’t have loads of mates now they all have families so latches onto poor unsuspecting women to have fun with. Doubt he’d be too pleased if a bloke treats his girls like that. That’s if they have anything to do with them at that age for him to know.

Your total blinkered focus on the OW is not what you should focus on, this OW is not relevant she is just the miss rightnow OW there were IMHO OW before and there will almost certainly be other OW in the future
He is the problem not them

He doesn’t have loads of mates now they all have families so latches onto poor unsuspecting women to have fun with.

Stop feeding this insanely detached weird woman people!! She’s a rich, bored as fuck woman with nothing better to do than moan on here about her sorry situation, whilst ignoring all the great advice. She’s probably ignoring her children too ffs whilst posting her weird inane replies on here!!!

Oh my God OP. Why did you have kids if you can't even think in a straight fucking line.

You're married to a man who doesn't like your children. So you have to divorce him. Its really that simple.

There is no perfect solution, you can only choose the least bad solution. You can't control every little thing that happens and anticipate every inconvenience.

This thread is an example of what happens when an extremely spoiled and sheltered person suddenly has to deal with real life...

@eenymeenyminyme And I don't get why you don't ask for a divorce, but there you go...

God ain't that the truth

If you think he arranged for her to text you while in the car, why are you still with him?

I'm not trying to excuse your DH. I think his behaviour is seriously fucked up.

However, it looks like he knows you are only interested in his money and the lifestyle you get by being his wife, and that you don't actually love him.
It must be shit to know that someone is only with you for the money.

That's probably why he is able to treat you so bad and detach from his family. Which again is awful.

I really feel for your children because neither of you are putting them first.

@buggeredandconfused

I am at work!

@Ivyr0se

I don’t have access to his money for me - he pays a higher proportion of the mortgage, bills etc. as he earns more. What’s left after that is our own.

@Ivyr0se

And the lifestyle is sh1t - he’s always working away, working at home in front of the TV. I think the lifestyle kicks in when the kids are older and colleagues take their wives on business trips with them....

@Ivyr0se

I don’t think he asked her to text - she could have texted anytime? That would be a stupid conclusion to come to....

So in your words the lifestyle is shit. He's having affairs, he's always away, only there at weekends, when he's home he is still 'absent'. He doesn't engage with the kids or you.
Have you noticed that he's ignoring the kids and so are you by dragging your life through Mumsnet instead of engaging with them?
Genuine questions -

How many hours do you think you've spent on here over the last few days?
How many hours could YOU have spent with your kids?
How many hours have you left the kids with the nanny?
You say above that you're at work - how many full days have you worked this week?
You seem more interested in creating your own online drama instead of sorting out your life. You need to reprioritise and plan, get angry instead of whining that he's "just not that into us" .
Have you phone the OT yet?

@airbags

Maybe 1 hour
None of them - I am at work with little to do
She drives them 15 min to school and he’s them from 4pm to 6pm 4 days a week....

OT?

OT should have read OW.

You genuinely believe that you have only spent just ONE HOUR on here over the last few days!!!! Pages and pages read, plus responses - you need a new watch or sense of reality!!!

When are you going to face reality and accept that you would all be better off if you exit this excuse of a marriage and enabling his horrendous behaviour?
I feel for your kids if you don't act.

Or, of course there's the possibility that this is all made up just for entertainment on the internet.

It’s just for attention, she has no intention on leaving her husband. Imagine she divorced him and had to give up the nanny god forbid!

The thing is, the less time he spends with his kids, the less he wants to. I've no doubt he's fond of them, and feels some responsibility, but he neither loves them nor likes them in the same way you do. I think that's what you need to realise. He will walk away as soon as he's given the freedom to.

From your other thread:

The weird thing is that he spends time with them at the weekend - it’s just done in such a begrudging and miserable way. He’ll never initiate anything, have a conversation with them, try and teach them anything etc. It’s not like he’s on computer games, watching TV etc.

That is tragic. He is an uninvolved, neglectful and resentful father who has no care or interest in meeting his children’s emotional needs. He has no desire to have a relationship with them, and is probably only showing up because his parents would disapprove if he didn’t.

The girls will be internalizing the truth that their dad undervalues them, and will likely come to believe that they are inadequate and unworthy of his love. I would be outraged if my husband neglected and mistreated our daughter like this. You need to dvorce this narcissistic loser.

Oh god I didn't realise it was the same OP as the other thread.

Please reassess your options OP and try to speak in depth to a counsellor about this ASAP.

It's taking up so much of your energy and you already know what the score is, you just don't want to have to be the one who walks away.

But as long as you don't leave, he has no reason to either. I hope you can leave and be happy elsewhere

@LajesticVantrashell

That’s true - they always want mummy when he returns from his travels which upsets him. And then I think he thinks the kids hate him and loses confidence and then it makes it worse. When he has quieter times at work his relationship with them improves. They also mess him about more as they are excited / clamouring for attention

Poor children begging for scraps of attention from their reluctant dad. Please help them by getting them away from him and putting an end to their hopes that he might throw them a crumb.

He so isn't a good dad. Or a good husband. Or a good employee shagging junior colleagues. Let's hope he's a good shag or he has absolutely nothing going for him.

You won't let your children ring or text so it doesn't upset his bit on the side?! Is that consequences of her actions.
I couldn't care less what a bunch of company people think or say about your life,, or your children's..
had this nonsense played out in my world I would be showing up to ask face to face not play text games or excuses
dignity are more valuable than all this
Unless your in a open marriage?

You reckon you've spent an hour on MN in the past few days on both your threads?
You've posted / replied circa 170 times FFS. This just proves you are deluded. You are deluded about your marriage. And you are failing to take responsibility.
Do something and get off MN taking free advice from people when you aren't going to do a thing about anything.

Assuming this is all actually real as it's batshit beyond belief.

@ChristmassySpice

It’s all true - he’s being an ar@Buggedandconfused