Dating thread 181 - into 2020 with finesse and strong boundaries!

[Menora]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Good Morning All, crikey this thread moves fast doesnt it??
Hello to @daisymat good luck with your initial attempts at OLD. I am by far not an expert (been on and off since last Summer) but you can expect a roller coaster i can assure you! Just don't take it all too seriously and you'll be fine.
So I had my first date with Mr Mechanic last night. He was really lovely, polite, easy to talk to and i thought nicer looking than his photos. He seemed really open and that was great as helped me be open too. We didn't kiss - but where we said goodnight was very public with loads of people walking past so that was understandable.
Then after I got home we were messaging - and he basically said how much he liked me and was very complimentary. No guy has ever been quite so up front before - I am hoping he is genuine. However - my instincts have been wrong before and I've been fooled by complimentary flirting before so I am trying very hard to be cautious.

Oh and we were discussing mens height the other day - Mr Mechanic hadn't put his height on his profile - and no surprise he was pretty short - but turns out I don't give a fig so it was a non-issue.

shitwith it’s positive to have someone reflecting and amplifying your own self-esteem, not sad at all! I’m happy for you.

Good luck bang, loo updates for this megadate are imperative 😊

Popping by to check in and say good luck to bang hope it goes well after such a build up!
No dc this weekend so looking forward to seeing lots of MrY!

Aw @shitwithsugaron we have all supported each other through a lot on here. I really understand. I missed Mr S for months. And I was seeing Mr B. His touch was different. Touching him was different. You had been feeling low with Mr B for a while and putting up with a lot I think.

shitwithsugaron that's a great update. If hope Mr List sticks around, sounds like he will. It's always a little weird being with a new partner.

bangheadhere40 good luck with your date. Relax and enjoy it

TheCatWithTheHat I agree with Notcoolmum on this one. If miss confusing was really interested then she would let you know.
It's not fair to keep you hanging around waiting while she decides what she wants. Either she's keeping you around as her fall-back or she's just not able to have a relationship at the moment.

I've spent nearly 2 weeks looking at my phone, waiting for Mr FO to get in touch. It's a horrible feeling, not knowing where you stand. I know I fluctuated from feeling very angry, to wanting to give him another chance. I couldn't mentally move on until he admitted that it was over.

Oh @shitwithsugaron im so sorry you put up with such low level behaviour from Mr B. It sounds like he was a low value male and Mr List is a high value male (I've been lost in the reddit thread posted earlier!!)

Really glad last night went well @shitwithsugaron 😉

Sometimes we need the contrast in order to recognise what's wrong. I know I did. And still do, really. I continue to learn.

Morning all
I feel like absolute crap for some reason at the state of my OLD situation.

Why are so many swiping on me then not engaging in any type of conversation? I live in a fairly rural area so I am almost completely out of options unless I am going to look more than 40 miles away and that means the other side of London on the opposite side of the M25 (as I avoid London generally) - I live in a village with no train station 😂

@EchoElephant I’m the same - I hate all this waiting and not knowing, and I can’t bring myself to just walk away. I need an answer one way or the other, which hopefully I’ll get next week when she’s back.

I agree that the signs are that she’s not interested, but that’s based on what I’ve posted on here, and obviously none of you have seen how she behaved when we last saw each other. I’m finding it harder to agree as her actions face to face tell me a different story.

Anyway, back to my other dates - I’m not sure what to do with Miss Runner from last night. I quite fancied her, but didn’t feel any major spark - do I just say thanks but no thanks now? I don’t really want to be one of those guys who just ghosts her or leads her on. But although I don’t see myself getting into a relationship maybe she’s happy for something casual?

shitwith glad you had a great night with Mr List. He sounds great and you deserve it.

notcool the Matthew hussy thing you just shared has really resonated with me this morning. Mr Big told me last night that he has strong feelings for me and wants us to try a proper relationship! Great timing hey when I’m seeing Mr Fact tonight. The thing is he says that but isn’t showing me. No good morning text. Still no kisses on messages. If he wants me he is gonna have to bloody prove it. Im obviously crazy about him but I think Mr Fact is the better man!

Why can’t you bring yourself to walk away?
Cat I honestly think she just doesn’t want to be the bad guy and say the words to you. She’s just hoping you give up eventually and fade out. I know that’s hard to hear sorry

If you fancy someone on a date you should always have a second date as spark can grow. If you rule someone out on first impressions then that limits your options drastically

bangshead pleeeease update.

thecat the problem is you are comparing to Miss confusing. Miss runner doesn’t really stand a chance does she. I think you could tell her you enjoyed meeting her but are only interested in casual and see what she says.

@catwiththehat I'd wait till shes back and ask her about meeting. If she does then great, if not I'd send a message saying something to let her know u like her but dont think she wants the same thing and if ur wrong or she changes her mind then she can let u know.

then u can get on with dating and if she messages u in the future it's a bonus.

@bangheadhere40 we need a loo update!

Menora I've put myself back on pof and it's depressing. Same faces as always. I will try tinder again soon but I think I'm likely to swipe left on everyone because I've either matched with them, dated them or just no thanks.
I live near a small city but my options seem to be very limited.
I always wonder how people get back on the apps and have lots of irons straight away.

TheCatWithTheHat your situation sounds very similar to mine. And I understand why it's difficult to walk away. But honestly I felt like a weight had lifted from me when I left Mr FO a voicemail the other day saying I was done with waiting around for him.
Then he confirmed what I knew by dumping me by text yesterday. By which time I didn't care.

I rarely have second dates if I don't feel any spark on the first date. If you like Miss Runner then see her again. You don't have to make any promises of a long term future together just yet. Just enjoy her company and see what happens

Looking for thoughts on this, I've been seeing someone casually but exclusively for almost a year now, sortof an exclusive FWB. So I get a regular good morning message and ocassionally messages during the day. But sometimes nothing other than that good morning and I know he has been around, just watching tv etc. I called him out on this saying just a good morning, nothing else wasn't good enough for me. Am I sounding unreasonable? I'm a very chatty person so for me, lack of contact screams disinterest. I'm now thinking I sound like I'm too demanding but it's not that, I just like to know I'm being thought of.

shitwith yes he does know. I have been on lots of first dates last year whilst doing FWB with Mr Big but I havnt liked any of them. I really like Mr Fact so I think Mr Big is panicking. What I want is Mr Big to make a big gesture to show me he wants me and then I would give it a try BUT he won’t and I’m worried he just wants to continue with our current set up. Is he just trying to reel me back in? Probably. It’s been a whole year, surely if he really wanted me he could make a bloody effort. He told me to enjoy my date and take some time, he’s not going anywhere so that’s what I’m gonna do!

@Marlboroandmalbec34 do you think Mr Big sees you are moving on and can't deal with it hence asking for exclusivity now?

@Menora I can’t bring myself to walk away as I feel like this isn’t over, and I have such strong feelings for her. I honestly though she was the one, and saw things progressing long term. I’ve been on the receiving end of several women who weren’t interested and really don’t get those vibes, eg her sending me loads of pics of her on holiday 4 days ago, and usually replying to my messages instantly.

I think I’m just holding out to see if she sorts her head out enough to want to date again, as everything she’s said is that it is just rubbish timing for her.

Thanks for the advice on second date - will probably find out that Miss Runner didn’t fancy me after all

@crazycatlady20 thanks - that’s pretty much what I’m planning on doing.

marlbs my two Penneth. Last time I think I rem Mr Big said similar when you decided to pull the plug but not long after you discovered he was still online or similar (cant recall which site?). I suspect he has feelings for you but the man is the man and without a lot of personal growth and development he will find it hard to be a monogomous creature. In your position I'd want to see a lot more than morning texts. E.g. what does he plan to do about his non monogomous nature? Is this something he wants to change irrespective of you? What does he actually want long term e.g. a partner. No matter who you are its painful when someone that's been reliable and in your life leaves it, you might promise what you cant deliver on to keep it. Stick to mr fact, dont let mr big railroad that unless he has serious and dedicated intentions.