Dating thread 181 - into 2020 with finesse and strong boundaries!

[Menora]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Bang good luck

I have messaged an old iron from Tinder who I haven’t spoken to for weeks with an honest explanation as to why I was AWOL for a while and if he didn’t want to chat I totally understood but if he does, then how is he.

Is this cheeky? I really don’t know. I feel like I need to go back to the ones I ruled out but I feel like this is a bit muggy and I always just start again. This is all so confusing. Do you all just leave your matches in your inbox or unmatch? Unless they are awful I just leave them in my inbox

@bangheadhere40 good luck tomorrow. hes prob just nervous, same as u and that why hes a bit quiet.

@Menora I've never really been AWOL before now so I wouldnt know. If I has liked them before and hasnt been chatting for ages then I'd prob go back to them, no harm in asking if they're still interested. they've prob done the same to others at some point so would understand.

I get a lot of matches but only 1 or 2 ever really progress to WA. So I am going back over my previous

A guy came up on tinder. From his profile I thought he seemed pretty perfect. He had a lovely face, a good job, was happy to date someone with children, was midway through renovating his new house, and hed specifically said in his profile "not a serial swiper. If I match with you its because I think we'd match well". I liked his profile and 5 mins later he liked me back so I sent him a nice message to say hi and mentioned his house he was renovating etc so it was clear I'd read his profile and .... nothing. Why do people not respond when you match. So disappointing

Evening all. Been following this thread for a month or so and have now dipped my toe into OLD once again
My questions for all you regulars being.
What's best to do if someone messages you who does not appeal at all to you. Reply with polite message. Or ignore?
I've also hidden my pic so my ex bf doesn't see me. Do I just go for it?
I'm thinking I do!

@bangheadhere40 a 10am dare on a Friday morning? That's unusual. What are you doing?

@daisymat what site are you on? I only did tinder and bumble so I my got messages from men I had swiped on. But if I changed my mind when they sent a message I would just unmatch. If you are on something like pof you will get inundated as a newbie so you can't possibly reply to them all. Just reply to those you like.

And yes you will need to add photos.

@supercali77 he did kiss me when I saw him just before Christmas and then with us both working and my dcs the next time I saw him was New year - we did sleep together then. Anyway the good news is we are seeing each other at the weekend. He just seems so guarded though!

Will see what happens at the weekend...

Can't believe how fast this thread moves though! Sorry if I am not up to speed with everyone.

Not cool. Thanks

Bumble to start with. Not a sausage (lol). Pof loads so am ignoring those I don't like
Photo I think yes going to do it.
Thinking already there's not a lot out there!

@daisymat ur post reminded me of a message I got on POF, I clicked his profile and he was a much older guy than me and not my type so I just ignored it. immediately I got another message saying 'I can see you viewed my profile, it's a bit rude not to reply'

And how exactly does he think he'll win you over with that tactic? 🙄

Crazycat
People are so rude! Best to ignore 😀

@Notcoolmum no, I really don't think so - I've found that before with a couple of women I've dated, but this is different. She wasn't playing hard for the first couple of months of dating, and compared to anyone else I've dated or had a relationship with, she was on a totally different level. We have so much in common, fancy each other, could talk random stuff forever etc...

@Sunshineandflipflops she did only say "OK" but she was in a pretty dark mood that day - strangely so. Usually she just ignores stuff if she doesn't want to answer, or is very non-committal so I took that as a positive in the context of the overall conversation.

She's back home in a couple of days, so I'll find out where things are at next week I hope. She's either met someone else (an ex possibly) or this holiday will have sorted her head out enough so she wants to see me again. Either way I'll try to find out for sure within a few days.

Anyway, my date tonight was nice - better looking than her photos suggested, but although I had a nice time chatting I didn't really feel any spark. I found myself comparing her to Miss Confusing, which I suppose is my benchmark, and while I found her attractive I don't see myself getting into anything long term with her. Not sure whether it's worth having a second date - I'm just assuming she's looking for something serious, so don't want to waste her time. I just don't feel right in seeing her again if I don't have butterflies.

@bangheadhere40 good luck with your date tomorrow. I had similar with my recent ex - we started talking a few months before we got together via MSN, and had lots of video/text sex. Then I travelled up to see her one evening - was rather awkward meeting face to face after all the naughty chat, but we ended up sleeping together after she made the first move, and it was the start of an 8 year relationship!

@notcoolmum we are meeting somewhere then going for a walk / coffee I think. His idea, i would have much rather have had alcohol involved.

Thanks everyone...I can't sleep but just need to calm down. I've no idea if he is nervous or not. I hope I at least can talk easily to him and im not too awkward 🙈

It's also awkward as we joked ages ago that if we fancied each other we would just kiss when we met, before we spoke . It was a half joke, but not really...I'm not sure if he was joking.

If I do go and kiss him and he knocks me back that will be embarrassing, not sure I would have the balls anyway.

@shitwithsugaron great update really happy for you

@bangheadhere40 hope you got some sleep,

@shit, great news happy for you.

Is it wrong to have a big swig of vodka before he gets there? Parked up obviously so won't be driving for hours after.

Great news Shit

I have a date with Mr Parrot on Tuesday, coffee and then maybe a walk. I’m stupidly nervous but excited.

Was talking to someone new yesterday and he mentioned “politics” so I stopped talking to him, I might be harsh but I don’t want to talk politics with someone on a dating app and he seemed a bit odd.

@cat with regards to miss confusing, I do tend to disagree with the others slightly. I think you need to trust your gut instincts sometimes, and although it doesn't appear she is interested people do work differently. I think you can pick up a bit if this is the case or not...... that's my view, probably not popular 🙂

Disagree with you there @bangheadhere40 if Miss Confusing is interested (all signs she's not) she will come back to @TheCatWithTheHat and make it clear. We have all seen posts in here where irons keep pursuing (mr Moving as a prime example). If someone is interested in us we don't have to pester them. We don't have to write long messages on here analysing their texts and silences. We will know they are interested because they will show us.

I don't always agree with Matthew Hussey but one thing he said really resonated with me. A minimum expectation of someone I'm in a relationship with is that they want to be in a relationship with me.

Sounds like a great night @shitwithsugaron so glad it went well. And so proud of you for ending things with Mr B and now getting out there and enjoying yourself.

Good luck bangheadhere40

I was very nervous about meeting a date I'd chat with for nearly two weeks. We'd shared a good bit about ourselves in that time and the banter was brilliant. I was so worried it wouldn't flow as well in real life. When we first met I was so nervous I couldn't look him in the eyes. He joked if the date didn't go well we could just go back to texting as we are great together on that! It broke the ice and almost four months in I'm very loved up and happy.

Hope it goes really well today for you