Dating thread 181 - into 2020 with finesse and strong boundaries!

[Menora]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Notcoolmum thanks - that makes sense to me. It’s just that 3 days seems ages!

Out of interest, what happened with your iron who left you to it?

Maybe I am reading too much into things, but I can’t stop thinking she is still interested as she has said OK to meeting up when she’s back from her trip. And she messaged me on Monday after she was the last one to message on Friday, sending me lots of photos of her on her holiday. And even a month or two ago when I know she was interested in me, it would still always be me who messaged first. In fact the only times I think she has messaged first has been over the last few weeks since I’ve been giving her space - and it’s been about 50/50 me/her.

@TheCatWithTheHat he's now my BF!!

@TheCatWithTheHat they do to you. But not to her. I think I took my iron for granted. I knew he'd always be there and I didn't value that. When I had the space to miss him I could see how I'd feel without him around. I struggled with the things I wanted to talk to him about. For me the space was needed. She will either miss you so much she reaches out. Or she won't. You can't control that. You can just live your life. If she's there one' you will end up together. In this case I don't think she is the one. She's not ready for a relationship and she isn't that interested in you imho. But the best way to find that out is to leave her. It will give her space. And also help you by not constantly wondering if you should message her.

Get my ex back coach has a good video on going no contact. I found it helpful not as a strategy to get someone back. But to see how my ex (not current bf) would feel if I messaged him. And the idea it would irritate him made me completely determined not to message him.

@Notcoolmum thanks - that makes a lot of sense. How long did it take for you to realise you missed him? I’ve done the same when I got back with my last girlfriend after we broke up a few years ago, and I left it about 3 weeks with no contact.

Based on how she was when I last saw her I genuinely think she is interested in me, but not feeling she’s ready for a relationship due to other issues. Plus when I have left her to it, she has been in touch after 2-3 days.

Anyway, I’ll find out when she’s back at the weekend and I’ll see if she’s still up for meeting.

In the meantime I’m on my way to meet my date this evening, so I’ll report back later with an update!

@TheCatWithTheHat have a good date and try not to obsess so much over Miss Confusing. Relationships really shouldn't be so hard. Do you think you are more attracted to her because she's hard to get?
I don't know how long it took. I'd say a couple of weeks when I realised he wasn't necessarily always going to be there for me. But I had to think very carefully about what it would mean to get in touch. I didn't want to use him for my own gratification. I was very mindful of his feelings and when we reopened the doors to us it was because I felt I was ready to give it a real shot. I don't think Miss confusing is in that place with her MH issues.

Well, Mr FO has finally got round to dumping me by text (after ignoring me for almost a week).
He said blah, blah, sorry, blah,blah.
And could we still be friends.

I'll leave you all to imagine what my response was!

An unexpected update from me - matched yesterday with Mr Bike on Tinder, met for coffee just now - he’s tall, nice, open and keen. Agreed we’d like to see each other again. Can it be this easy? 😂

@tigerdater I thought you’d fallen for Mr Greedy!

Sorry Echo xx
It’s shit. And who needs friends like that!

I gather I am ditched by Mr Clean seen as no contact for over 24 hours now after 3 days of texting. I don’t know if I should text him or not? The last text he said was ‘😂😂😂’

@EchoElephant I hope you told Mr FO to FO! I bought you dumped him on voicemail?

Waaah too fast moving.

love sorry about your predicament with the hospital. I hope you can find a solution soon!

bangshead I am super excited for your date tomorrow. I really hope he is what you imagine

unsmbiguous I don’t know what I’m doing, can’t you tell? 😂 Mr Greedy is lovely but we both know it’s not forever, and he knows I’m still looking for my forever guy.

Notcoolmum I thought I had dumped him by voicemail. But it seems I wasn't clear enough. And he still thought I was still waiting around for him.
Apparently he misses me. But not enough to actually pick up the phone and speak to me.
So, yes, I told him to FO as well as setting him straight about a few other things.
Things could be interesting next time I bump into him - which is very likely to happen.

Aw tiger Mr Greedy sounds great!

echo hope you told him to get fucked off

thecat I’m really sorry but I think she is just not that into you. Don’t message. She knows your interested and she knows how to contact you. Do you really want someone who is hot and cold?

@bangheadhere40 what times the date tomorrow ??

Hope it goes well and he’s who you want him to be (if that makes sense)?

Is it near to one of your homes if things get heated ?? 😂

@jane 10am...and thanks

I know, I don't know what to expect really 😅

@Jane, no meeting an hour away in the middle...

@marlborough thank you too...

I've been expecting a cancellation message but one hasn't arrived.

I'm so nervous, not usually.

Also since the date was arranged he's not been as flirty and outgoing, which makes me think he is as quiet as me and this could be really awkward 😅😅

@TheCatWithTheHat You keep saying she said "OK" to meeting up. Was that as enthusiastic as she got and is it you suggesting the meet up?
I have to agree with the others, she's not that interested but is keeping you sniffing round like a puppy. If she does really like you then she is taking a flipping big risk is losing you to someone else.

I don’t know why this made me laugh

Thecatwiththehat

You keep saying you think she is interested, but it seems like you are trying to convince yourself. At the very best she is lukewarm in her feelings. She is making the absolute minimum of effort. It sounds like she treats you as an ego boost but isn't prepared to prioritize you on any level.

@bangheadhere40 I’m sure it’s fine and he’s just nervous himself

@bangheadhere40 good luck in the morning, I hope it goes well for you