Dating thread 181 - into 2020 with finesse and strong boundaries!

[Menora]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I agree@salty @Notcoolmum
I am done with chasing in the future....responding to them yes and showing an interest, but not chasing!

Thanks guys I know it's a fast moving thread .

Mr octopus text next morning but I've ignored.

Mr muscle was a perfect gent. He was shorter than I thought though. He is very committed to his competitions tho and hits the gym twice daily . Couldn't eat anything with me as is prepping. And although we are very similar in outlook, politics, there was t a spark . He's nice tho and has messaged me today.

My other iron seems very interested and has suggested meeting. He is super hot in photos ....seems fun, he's got a day job in accounting and also boxes, how I'm getting these fellas chatting I'm not quite sure ! Thing is I'm just not sure about the whole old thing but if nothing else it's given me a massive confidence boost and is getting me out of the house !

@SueDoeName I think sometimes we can under estimate our own attractiveness or not believe that certain men would be interested in us. Glad you have a few people to talk to after your not so nice encounter.

I think I’m going to have to rename Mr Greedy as Mr Needy 😕. He wants to stay every night and is, for want of a better word, love-sick. It’s a massive, massive turnoff for me. I’m happy with once a week, twice possibly. I have to end it, don’t I?

I can’t believe he touched you up Sue! So so gross... what are people thinking when they do these things!

No word from Mr Fart so my gut was right he was just messing with me

@tigerdater maybe set out your expectations before you end it?

Hi all.
Well ive been chatting to a guy since the beginning of December. He seems really nice and has asked me to meet a few times. I keep having a total crisis of confidence though and I end up disapearing . I then messahe hima week or so later or he does me.
He has stuck around though and we have talked about it and hes told me he's happy to wait till I am ready etc.
I can't keep hi hanging on any longer though it doesnt feel fair and he seems SO lovely.
I suppose having come out of a 25 year relationship I am petrified !
Im scared im too fat, too ugly , too old etc. Weve exchanged pics, chatted till the early hours, even spoke on the phone and I cant for the life of me think why he is interested ? I'm terrifed to actually meet in person and he think euuurghhhhh no .
And also.....he seems just TOO nice ?
Ahhhhhhhhhh

@TigerDater speak to him he may think you want the same but one or two night having things to talk about and having to look forward to each other’s company is defo better than too much.

@tenetenba don’t underestimate yourself. Go and meet him just for a coffee or quick drink and see how you feel

Happy birthday for yesterday @Marlboroandmalbec34. I was out at Salsa yesterday pm, and busy with work this morning, so missed your post. Sorry..

@SueDoeName - I have had a woman constantly touch me during a first date, so I reciprocated we ended up dtd

I'm quite a tactile person, but on a (at least first) date, usually manage to restrain myself to perhaps a light touch on the arm. but unless I felt there was real chemistry, I wouldn't do anything more.

In future, ensure you sit opposite them (out of arms reach! ), rather than next to them.

Every night @TigerDater have you got kids? That's way too much.

@AverageGuy the thing is, @SueDoeName should be able to sit wherever she wants without worrying about being touched up if she doesn't want to be. That's an assault, and it's never ok.

Consent is an essential thing for anyone to understand or they shouldn't be dating. And keeping your hands to yourself until it's clear the other person is interested in being touched is pretty fundemental.

@UncorrectedDoormat agree

Like others above, experience has taught me - never bother to message first and do your own thing/let them contact for a while at the start. If they're interested enough, they will.

marlbs Agggghhhh I had high hopes for Mr Fact, sorry it was awkward and then the ensuing amber flags. I always think it's a sign after spending the night together if you just feel the creeps coming over you.....some animal instinct

I do have DC notcool but the last one has just left home. We had joked before about this being his chance to move in but I think he’s taken it seriously! I just feel smothered and bored. I don’t need someone to watch telly with, I need someone to be excited by. Tellingly, we only DTD once on Sunday evening and I shot out of bed early on Monday morning to avoid the morning sex which I’ve always really loved up to now 😕

@tiger it sounds like you aren't feeling it in a lot of ways with him. Unless you can try and have a conversation with him, but would you still be excited by him even if you cut the nights down? if not it's probably best to end it.

Tenetenba go and meet him, he obviously likes you....just go for a quick coffee

@UncorrectedDoormat - I completely agree! Sorry if you thought otherwise.

Hmm...DTD only once at this stage suggests the chemistry isn't quite all there. I'd say I have a fairly low sex drive and I DTD quite a bit more that that this weekend

@AverageGuy I get really fucked off by all the advice to keep yourself safe as a woman. Try listening to Lynzy Lab's song A Scary Time

uncorrected that’s my point - usually we DTD 2-3 in the evening (only meet at about 8) and once in the morning. The chemistry has always been there, but suddenly I’m not feeling it

Maybe just a blip, tho. Talk it through and see if you can arrange something more exciting next time you get together. But if the same thing happens next time then I guess it is time to move on.

@UncorrectedDoormat that's so spot on. Why in the onus always on women to take steps to keep themselves safe or alter our behaviour?

Thanks, that’s good advice. I very much fear it is terminal ick on my part but it’s got to be worth working at, so I’ll talk it through with him and see where we end up. He’s a lovely man.

It's definitely not our responsibility to alter our behaviour but I do think it's important we make ourselves comfortable with saying no and walking away and finding help if necessary.

A couple of years ago when I was new to OLD I was kissed and CHOKED 20 mins into a first date. I didn't know what the fuck to do so I nervously told him to stop and he incredulously asked if I'd just told him off. I politely ended the date about another 30 mins later. Now I would have punched him in the balls, gone straight to the bar and asked for security/police.