Dating thread 181 - into 2020 with finesse and strong boundaries!

[Menora]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@bangheadhere40

Sounds slightly like a guy I discussed on the last thread.

Although I can't decide whether to still chat as friends or just cut my losses and go NC and see what he does.

On the one had I think going NC to try and make them come back is manipulative.

But then if you keep chatting with them then they still get contact and are less likely to bother if they know you're still there.

I don't know.

I think I need to date!

Going to try tinder for the first time. I’m late 40s. Have kids. Feeling like I’m not the best option!

Any advice appreciated

@my exactly what I think. I could cut it off in the hope he misses me but I can't do that as don't want to play games.

I think in my own mind I will put a time limit on this..if nothing in 2 weeks I'm going to cut my losses, as it's not very nice ☹

@myme what are you doing with this guy?

@bangheadhere40 in what context?

Do you mean have I decided what to do about him?

@bangheadhere40 does he initiate contact and reply to your messages?

@myme yes...are you still chatting? Is ita similar situation?

He always replies and messages me first too...it is that meeting up has taken 3 months and I don't see how it can get better unless he sorts something drastic.

Can I have a moan please? Been off OLD sites for nearly a year after getting sick of all the same crap when dating. Was approached out the blue by a guy on IG. Nice chap, handsome and we got chatting. But he'd suddenly stop replying mid conversation then I'd not hear from him for three days by which point I'd think I'd been ghosted. I'm quite feisty so I called him out on it after the second run of three days waiting, and he apologised and said he was interested, just to do it again! We the had a flurry of conversation and, surprise surprise, another three day wait. I told him I was not impressed and just to leave it. Another apology to which I replied and he read it and then Nothing! I was pretty annoyed so sent a rather sarcastic text about homing pigeons being faster and why didn't he have my number. He then said he'd pass!!!! I think he's been stringing me along the whole time if I'm honest. Whhhhhy so people mess with our heads like this?

@bangheadhere40 have you searched for him online, on 192.com etc to see if his story checks out. May be worth it for your own sanity. Sorry for being sceptical but the story sounds a bit fishy to me.

@surlycurly I think it could be anyone in any circumstances. My Ex cheated on me numerous times on OLD. So he’s be texting I imagine for days and then would be less able to because of childcare!

Whhhhhy so people mess with our heads like this?

Because you let him. I'd have binned him off after you told mentioned it and he did it again.

One chance and if they blow it then, goodbye. Plenty of others out there, you just have to wait sometimes.

@salty I have him on LinkedIn, no Facebook. I did find him in companies house where his address was listed so I did a 192 search. It says ex still owns the house jointly which is what he told me as they have just split recently.

I wish he didn't live 2 hours away, something doesn't quite add up with the ex side of things...

If anyone is in west Yorkshire and willing to spy for me let me know...😁

I used to be a machine when it came to not taking crap. This guy came out of nowhere and has an erratic lifestyle so the absences make sense. I was trying not too me too rigid for once! Clearly my mistake. I suspect he's running away from something relationship wise and isn't ready to date. He liked the idea of it until I started to push him. It really is his loss but I've not enjoyed the experience. I was peacefully getting on with being single for a while there. And then he blooming got me excited. Now I'm thinking about having someone again. Meh.

Oh @bangheadhere40 Your don't need anyone to investigate this. Deep down you know the truth. I'm sorry to say as real as this thing feels it isn't. 192.com only shows residency not owners. I bet with more digging you'd find his social media profile and probably his wife's under slightly different names. You deserve so much better than this.

bang it does sound a little bit suspect now with those details I'm in w yorks pm me if you want
Sorry it didn't go to plan marlbs it'd be an Amber flag for me too. Not quite red because I know how exes can twist things, but I'd be on my guard. Is the performance thing likely to be down to nerves?
Had a fab weekend with MrY and I'm all shagged out for now but having that 'coming down' period and feeling a bit lost.

keepcalm and all thanks. Performance thing could be to do with nerves of course and I was fine with that but gosh it was so awkward. I realised I wasn’t that interested in cuddling him all night and the next day...it was like the end of a business meeting. With that and the other stuff I don’t want to see him again but I don’t know how to tell him as he will think it’s performance related!

I'm joking about the stalking btw

@salty I don't think he is married, I'm 99 % certain on that. He is openly on pof with his photos etc.

I'm confident he isn't with his ex, but I do know it's messy and still a lot to sort.

He's definitely not on Facebook.

@bangheadhere40 don't stress on it seeing you in person should trigger a desire in him to see more of you, if it doesn't that's your answer. His childcare issues and his relationship with his ex or not so ex are his to sort. And two hours away isn't so far away a lot of couples do longer distances than that and it works for them. If you both want this to work then it will

@bang there are plenty of men who are openly admit on their profiles their wife doesn't know they are on old sites. Hope this works out for you as you want. We will be here either way.

@bangheadhere40 it sounds a bit fishy to me. Mr S was still on the electoral roll at his family home despite living in a bedsit which I had been to and sent me plenty of pictures from. I knew he was still paying the mortgage but I'm wondering if there was more to it than that. As his wife if he'd left me if have taken him off the electoral roll. She didn't need to worry about bills as he paid for everything still... it bothered me throughout our relationship. He also didn't have FB. Just LinkedIn. I'm not sure they were together together. But it wasn't finished finished. He told me after 8 weeks he didn't want his ex or kids to know about us. He was openly on tinder (how we met) and then on bumble after he ended things.

I wouldn't date someone not on FB now. It gives a level of certainty that they aren't hiding an ex. Or you.

I had a lovely weekend. Had a day out with Mr B, his DC and his mum. And spent the night together last night. All is good. And simple.