Dating thread 181 - into 2020 with finesse and strong boundaries!

[Menora]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@shit I'm not wasting his time, if anything he is wasting mine! He knows how I feel about it all. It's quite complicated but I don't want to be just waiting around for him.

@uncorrected maybe yes x

I'm chatting because I really like him and I can't seem to keep away, I understand his situation at present so I'm not wanting to stop anything before it could start ☹

@bangheadhere40
That's such a hard situation....what would you say to one of us if we were asking you the same thing?
Different circumstances but similar situation for me and Mr Popcorn - too far away and we reached that conclusion, but he messaged me on Thursday and my tummy lurched and I felt a rush of 'what ifs' .

@Marlboroandmalbec34 sorry your date went like that - it would be red flag for me I'm afraid.

To all of you feeling lonely this weekend - budge over, can I join you? I'm fed up, too, of not having anyone to tell the little stuff to. My DD is wonderful, but she is busy developing into her own person. It would be lovely to have someone to smile with, to connect with over the nonsense of the day and stuff that makes me smile, or sad. It's tough.

I've just deleted Facebook off my phone tonight. A post the other day from someone I know but not very well about how people who are happily married should celebrate (in a very smug way) and tonight my ex MIL posting about how she has had birthday lunch cooked by her "number one son". Yeah, he's a fucking peach.

@MyuMe

I can report the IBS trapped wind and insane bloating from no alcohol wine is pretty much as it is with alcoholic wine 😭😭

To make it worse he's just said how much he likes me and how he can see himself being so happy with me. I said I feel it too.

This is awful, I've literally never felt like this about anyone...even after years ☹

oh @bang

@bangheadhere40 is the issue just the logistics of it , childcare and distance ? Could you take a holiday a month or every few weeks and meet up and see if you continue to feel the same. Does he have help with his kids from parents or anything to meet. If it’s an almost love at first site situation it might be worth seeing if you can. Do something to see each other and if the true love is there making it work

I need to catch up properly again but just wanted to say @Marlboroandmalbec34 sorry that the date went that way but I think it's probably a blessing and a bullet dodged- that's awful if he was abusive to his ex. Even if there's a chance it's not true there's no way I'd take the risk.

@bangheadhere40 I really feel for you, my optimistic romantic side so wants you to find a way for it to work, but I don’t see how.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 sorry it was weird with mr fact,

I’m getting into a muddle talking to too many potential irons, it’s hard there’s so much dross out there then a couple of decent ones come along, but chatting to too many is a bad idea, but worried if I end a few I let a good one go!! I’ve hidden profiles so I don’t get any more! Lol spend most of my time wishing for one to turn up!!

Sorry @marlbs but hopefully to be make you laugh it's good the sex didn't work out otherwise you'd not have realised what an arse he is. Okay maybe that didn't work.. Hang in there x

To be honest I need this to come from him, not that I have forced it.

I really really want him to suggest something but I'm not going to push it ☹

@jane yep 2 hours, kids full time, ex not bothered never has her kids. His parents I think are old and don't help out.

@bangheadhere40 honestly I think it would be such a shame if you both feel like that to not give it a go. I think if it were me I would regret not trying- even if it didn't work out that's got to better than 'what if?'

How old are the DC?

@bangheadhere40 sorry to ask but how do you know he's not still married?

@bangheadhere40 to me it feels like too many hurdles already. I would see whether he has thoughts on how to make it work but I feel like you'd have to uproot your whole life at some point.

I don’t understand why he is dating at all if he has no time for anyone. What was he expecting was going to happen?

If it's the real thing the two of you will find a way and yes that could include major life changes for one or both of you

@leave kids are 3 and 8.

I would be willing to give it a go so much, but I need it to come from him to ask ☹

He's never been married, but I think the ex is still quite involved from what he has said. I have no way of knowing though really do I. I do believe him.

@menora yes it seems there is no time for anyone, not just me.

I really don't know, he was abused by his ex and is quite fragile.

I will have to wait and see.

I would say back off then and see if he makes the time, I think that's what you are doing isn't it

@sexy yes I'm chatting but not suggesting any further meets, or pushing it. I need to see if he wants to or not.