Dating thread 181 - into 2020 with finesse and strong boundaries!

[Menora]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I know I would be emotionally invested if fwb, I don't think he would see it like that though. He's very honest but literally has no time.

What will be will be, and given the opportunity I would definitely have sex with him, never fancied so much in my life.

@sexy have you asked him for a date?

@kerkyra. To me fwb is like you stay at month 1 or 2 of the relationship so you like them as a person and are physically attracted but you aren’t in love and you aren’t fully involved in their lives. So you do feel something it’s just not a full relationship

Back from date with Mr Movies- he was really nice; not my usual type at all in terms of appearance but really easy to chat to, spent 3 1/2 hours in a restaurant, made me laugh.
He has sent a lovely follow up message. I would say he likes me quite a bit- hes v open with his thoughts.
He lives far too far away though, potentially relocating to v near here.
Too bloody complicated; and nice chatty messages coming through from mr popcorn. ffs.

@Jane1978xx thats an excellent description of a FWB. I think I have gotten stuck wanting more attention/emotional support and I dont get that here. In many ways I don't feel I should have pulled my FWB up on that because it was just my anxieties and he was never able to provide it. I wish I'd just slept on it rather than saying anything to him. Now I come across as clingy

Had a decent evening chatting to some irons which was nice plus out later today seeing friends.

Too much happening to catch up properly, sorry! Wishing everyone luck this weekend with irons and dates and meeting parents (eek!).

Mr G is here, life is good. 😍

Awww have fun Perfect.

11 hours til I see Mr BC again. I tend to feel when he takes his wedding ring off that he's 'protecting' what he and his late wife had But that's my interpretation - he's never said anything.

Eesha I think Jane's description of a FWB is perfect - I used to chat and message in between times with mine, but didn't lean on them in any way or expect messaging throughout the day.

Have a lovely time perfect
@batshit , I haven’t commented as I have no knowledge base re your situation . I can kind of understand the photos and dsc, but on the other hand they are adults...?
I would find the ring very difficult and I think I’d see it in the same way as you— to me taking my wedding ring off would have meant that.
It feels as if he isn’t understanding the impact on you- perhaps protecting the past as he promised his late wife he would , therefore this is not allowing him to empathise fully with you ?

@AverageGuy joined fab! Feeling a bit like when I was a kid and all the ducks would fly at me when I had bread by the lake! It's a bit overwhelming.

Had some lovely chats but then a bit put off when I see photos. I know that sounds a bit superficial but there has to be a physical attraction there fur, especially since I'm just looking for fun. Still trying to figure out how to let people down gently if I go off them though??

@Eesha @BatshitCrazyWoman I’m only 2 months in anyway so this is fine for now but another 3/4 months I’m not sure how I’ll feel so just need to keep checking in with myself

I'm like you @Jane1978xx I'm happy not to put a label on it to me a relationship is a relationship but the trouble is when you approach things that way a lot of men seem to just try to take advantage because they're interpretation is you must be down for whatever, no, I'm down for being treated well, but that doesn't mean I have to be your wife, gf, whatever, but a lot of men just don't seem to get it, that you can be open to seeing what develops, but that doesn't mean you're just up for sleeping with anybody and everybody! I'm not sure where I got this one from but some advice I read was to live by the mantra 'you are already his adored wife, behave accordingly' it works because any man who's not treating you right will just naturally fall away. The men I have met this time around have been for the most part absolutely shocking I've met grandiose narcissists, vulnerable narcissists, incels and so many men in open relationships or looking for affairs it's so depressing! But I am already his adored wife and I am behaving accordingly! that's the way those ones go @bangheadhere40 im not doing much this weekend and it would have been nice to have met him but I don't want to hassle him or come across as desperate , I've dropped plenty of hints he knows I'm keen to meet up. He's coming to where I live on Sunday but bringing his son and meeting up with his gaming buddies. I did say we should meet for a drink but he said he'll have his son with him and he wants it to be just me and him the first time we meet. So I'll leave the next move up to him but the guys not got forever he needs to piss or get off the pot as we like to say

welsh36
I am on fab and in my profile I have stated that I want face photos with a first message, any that dont send one get deleted.

The rules on fab are that if you are not interested you delete without really. Might seem rude but trust me you dont have time to message everyone who sends you a message.

In the first few hours of being on the site I had 350 messages and 800 views.
My photos were really tame and no face photo so it wasnt the photos that enticed them.

@Eesha are u exclusive with ur FWB, does he know ur back swiping?

maybe if he knew he'd step up a bit?

Thanks @SortingItOut I feel better about deleting now!

@crazycatlady20 yes exclusive but I think I'm just going to step back and see what happens anyway. Looks more and more like no effort at all, so I'll see how next few days go then that's it really. I don't want to play games and tell him I'm swiping as I know it would be hurtful.

@Stillsexystillsingle. Yes no label really it’s prob what some people would call fwb. Its more than a fb as we arrange to meet in advance and to go out or watch a film etc and have a sleepover theres no booty call type thing . I text him last night to say have a good weekend with his kids and ill look into any good films for us to watch for next week. And I’ll leave it then and it feels nice and chilled and not forced

Welsh36 delete and block on fab. It's the only way to handle it!
Be very clear in your profile what you are looking for.
Mine says I won't reply if there's no face pic. And I don't respond to winks or friend requests. And I won't consider anyone in a relationship.
I like the honesty on there. I've met some lovely men but haven't managed to find the right FWB yet.

@shitwithsugaron you totally deserve someone like Mr List, it's your previous relationships that have made you doubt your worth so I'm glad someone has come along to turn that on it's head. Enjoy it.

Mr Ad greeted me with a guitar music book of my favourite singer's music on our second date as he knew I was learning guitar. I felt like you did but was so touched. He even wrote me a lovely message in the cover 😊

Been following this thread and the others for a while now. I was married 25 years, separated since July and it was my only relationship! So you guys are really giving me life lessons here !

The trouble I have is my self esteem. All the men seem so smitten and keen with you all, you must all be stunning and young!
I'm terrified I've missed the boat really. I'm 45, not unattractive, I think I scrub up ok, I'm probably over weight but not fat? If that makes sense? I just see someone sad, tired and old when I look in the mirror. I can imagine if I ever got a date someone would run for the hills !
My friends say I'm being ridiculous, I don't look my age etc but I'm terrified to put pics up. What kind of pics are you guys using?
And hi

@Tenetenba not at all. I'm older than you. Also overweight and now looking my age suddenly. But I have met my current Bf through tinder. My photos were mainly selfies. I swiped right on men I found attractive (but not too attractive) who had something in their bio or photos that interested me. I don't message first. I strongly believe men swipe right a lot so I only wanted to those that were interested in me beyond a right swipe. Have fun!

@tenetenba hi and welcome. I think theres a mix of ages on the thread. I'm 38 and very overweight.

I dont like pics due to my weight. I can look ok and not overweight in face selfies so I posted a few of them and also full body ones that others had taken to show my weight and unposed. I just wanted to be honest, they will meet u in the end anyway and i wanted to avoid someone bailing on a date cos I didnt look like my pics.

@shitwithsugaron

Sorry for the swearing but I think this sums it up.

I'm in a flirtationship (started as an FB but we're not quite at relationship stage) with someone and I sent him this the other night as I'm really struggling with how nice he is to me.

I left a 17 year marriage/19year relationship in april 2018 that was emotionally abusive and I really struggle with people bring nice to me.

My son, 23, said to me that I was treated so badly that what I think is totally great gestures are actually normal things people do for each other when they like each other.

His comment made me cry because its do true.

Enjoy your date today/tomorrow

@PerfectPretender have a lovely time with MrG

@shitwithsugaron
I have no idea what I am doing!! I really enjoyed last night - he lives too far away but in the early stages of relocating near to where I live, for work. But Mr Popcorn was lovely (again, too far away, that was the issue..it just threw me having him message me again, and in a lovely way.
Re being cooked for and thought about etc - totally get you. I was married to a total arse; i am not sure I was thought about at all at all during our marriage. It can be hard to allow yourself to be cared for and looked after. He sounds like a lovely guy.

@Tenetemba, hello! I'm 46, overweight but not fat ...I get what you mean (or maybe a little, but hey - it's still January and Christmas is still on my thighs), my face tells the journeys of my life in it's creases and lines and my hair is a little 'too blond' (white) in parts
My photos are mainly face/shoulders with one full length one, but im kind of reclining on a bench - the thought of a standing up, face on picture makes me terrified; i avoid them in real life let alone posting one!
I have been on OLD since mid October and met about 8 guys, one of whom I saw 4/5 times (Mr Popcorn)..also some real weirdos have messaged me...It's a numbers game, I guess.
I also wait to be messaged first,for the same reason as notcool