Dating thread 181 - into 2020 with finesse and strong boundaries!

[Menora]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Oh my @echo - is he expecting you to send your GPS coordinates??

@Peanutbuttermouth Enjoy your weekend!

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend, dates or no dates.

I’m at the airport waiting to board a flight to meet MrNNs parents, bit of a brown trouser moment, feel sick, lets hope I survive. I’m planning on just getting to my airbnb and not leaving, not sure I’ll get away with my plan... I won’t have to see them until tomorrow, any tips gratefully received!

@ bang have you heard back from him about whether you will see each other again and if it is logistically possible etc? It sounds like you really like him

Undecidedsofa apparently he is! He wants me to say whereabouts in our small city I live. And thinks I'm being paranoid for not sharing this information.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 have a good date!
@Peanutbuttermouth have a wonderful time
@SimonJT - good luck!!Deep breath and smile..

Hi All

Long time lurker but finally decided to dip my toe into OLD. It's been great reading all your stories and seeing some positive results. Do you all follow the rules of telling someone where you are going for the first meeting? I don't really have anyone to let know but think I may be overthinking it. I am meeting someone tomorrow for coffee we are meeting in a public place and I am driving to meet him there so I am feeling pretty confident that I will be safe and in control.

dynasty if there’s no one to tell then I think extra precautions are needed. In this situation I didn’t tell the guy I’d driven, I said I had taken the bus so he couldn’t follow my car home in his car. Not sure now why I agreed to meet him given that level of paranoia!

Good luck @SimonJT, how exciting!

I am feeling a little sorry for myself tonight. All my friends in my WhatsApp group are sharing tales of what they will be doing this weekend with their husbands/partners and kids while drinking wine and I am half way into dry Jan, being taxi service for my eldest who decided a drama class on a Friday night would be a great idea and won't be seeing Mr Ad now for a week due to kids/work/lack of money.

Happy Friday 😐😂

Good luck Simon but I'm sure you won't need it - they'll love you!

Enjoy your dates/weekends Marl Peanut and supercali

@undecided we are having a chat. He's a typical man looking logically...he has 2 kids with no help full time, lives 2 hours away...in reality how can I see him?

I know he is speaking rationally but I do really like him....as in really like him, more than anyone I've ever met.

For @Marlboroandmalbec34 and anyone else who needs it.

Great quote Sunshineandflipflops thanks for sharing

@bangheadhere40 I see FWB every week somehow. I'm guessing I've said completely the wrong thing to him as haven't heard anything since so that's that then. Perhaps this is a good thing.

Do you work 9-5 @bangheadhere40?

@Eesha sorry you're finding your situation with him upsetting have you read any of the dating coach g l Lambert's books or blog posts? He would tell you if a man sees you as fwb then that's all it will ever be, women are different in that for us starting as fwb can progress and become a relationship but for men you are either fwb or it's a relationship, to them it's not all one and the same thing it's two completely different and separate things. So beware the fwb relationship if what you actually want is a gf/bf relationship

@Stillsexystillsingle i guess I think/thought we were having fun but I just feel more like part of the furniture. I spelt it all out and he did say it's not all his fault ie I could also contact him but that wasn't the case. I also think the lack of contact the whole day has shown me what little I was worth and I'm extremely hurt by that. We had been seeing each other a year, friends for 18 months. The truth hurts I feel.

An update from me ...so after almost a week of not hearing from Mr Yorkshireman he got back in touch and we swapped numbers and are now texting and what's apping ... and there's been talk of meeting up but no definite date and time and place..I am a bit wary about that as I must have been talking to him on match and since we swapped numbers for two weeks at least now... I would like a date, a time and a place! ..but we'll see what happens...!

Well I've just failed at dry Jan. oh well, I lasted 17 days.

17 days is good going sunshine.You should be proud of yourself.
I've just had a little fb stalk and seen Mr dadbod has updated his pic of him and a stunning eastern European woman,cuddling. Was I too hasty. He was just too over keen and it put me off. I think we saw each other six times in about ten days!

Mr flat cap txt to ask if I still fancied a drink and i thought,why not...so said ok,but then he didnt reply and that was three nights ago. Weird. So i will just ignore if he texts again.

Also at the place i work twice a week,this farmer keeps turning up and has a cuppa and chats to the bloke who i clean for.
Only now it turns out he only comes on the days I work. Bloke who I clean for says he has it bad for me but is married and it's becoming a joke. I try to stay upstairs and get on with the ironing.

Still have the 83year old farmer( who I clean for too) professing his love for me,but I'm sure its banter. I've told a few friends and they fall over laughing,but I really think he is very fond of me. I have to laugh alot of what he says off. Bless.

I've never had a fwb or fb,I get too emotionally involved and either all in or nothing. I like to feel something when I kiss or have sex. Sometimes wish I could try it as at the moment the idea of a relationship is quite scary

I have my son full time now ( ex comes over once a fortnight and takes him out for a few hours) so not sure how I can date. I only work mornings so need someone similar really.

cat I hope you get some clarity when she gets back from her hols,one way or the other. It's horrible to be left hanging and not sure where you stand. If she doesnt meet you next week,you will know your answer and hopefully you will move on. If she wants to see you,she will make time next week! Dont let it go on and on.

@kerkyra same, have my children full time. I only go out for one evening every fortnight. Looking online tonight and quickly realising no one would want that type of relationship!

bat he is conscious enough to remove the ring whilst you're together. That shows he is thinking about your feelings,however hard it is for you. I would feel miffed if it was me,but I'm trying to think how he must be feeling.

Maybe he feels he would be letting her down somehow? It doesn't mean he feels any less for you. Perhaps some counselling would help him,though you say he is very capable so I dont know. He just seems a very decent man and it would be a shame for you to end this when he is in love with you and you him.
Hope you arent too hurt as I think he must be struggling and do t think it's any reflection on you.

love hope you get some support when the operation happens. Bloody ex's. Your mum sounds beat bet.

I'm trying to catch up so sorry if I've missed loads out. Bang.....two hours is ages away! But if its goi g to work,it will!

eesha do you work full time?

I wouldn't mind a few months of daytime coffees,then they would be welcome to come here in an eve.
Just wish I could avoid all the matching,chatting,dates....and get straight to a relationship! Not sure I can take all the rejection,messing and idiots again.
But I'm just gonna have to or I will be single forever!

@stuck yep full time 9-5.

We have been chatting all night, we definitely want to sleep with each other and we like each other too.

I'm not sure what's going to happen here.