Seeing someone who has previously gone to prostitutes

[VioletVoice]

I've not been in this situation before and it does bother me a bit. He and ex wife appeared to have got into a toxic relationship and she cheated with his friends, he went to prostitutes whilst working abroad.

He's quite open about this, they obviously weren't good for each other. 2 children involved but they seem relatively unscathed and he and ex get on fine now.

I'm not sure how I should feel about this though, we're not super serious (and he wouldn't be able to afford it at the moment anyway!) but it does make me feel a bit uneasy. He's been quite upfront really and said it was control as his marriage was crumbling.

But if he doesn't have care and consideration for me ...

He doesn't - the clue is calling you a lunatic for being uncomfortable about and questioning his prostitute use.

Or in fact calling you a lunatic at all.

No man who respects women as equals pays for sex

100% this.
Absolute deal breaker for me.

You seem quite off and very confused. I don't think you'll find the answer here, I do think however, that you should seek counselling and I don't say that to insult you. You need to work out why you crave a friendship with this man.

I just wanted him to talk to me. It appears he won't at all at the moment and I'm not forcing it. It feels a bit weird though, I wanted to text him today about what a friend of ours has been up to. Nice story quite funny. But stopped myself.

I really am a bit hurt and upset but I should be allowed to ask questions. No way am I getting into arguments so I have to keep my wounded tail to myself and recover. He's probably done something silly like blocked me but I don't want to find out at present.

I was on his side and trying to help him with his depression but there has to be a bit of leeway and I need more

Thanks anyway for helping me, I feel a bit whiny. I'll recover soon.

I hope for your sake he has blocked you.

I think this is more a case of you being disappointed that he didn't reassure you in the way you'd hoped.
It's perfectly understandable, you wanted reassurance he was a decent bloke who wouldn't repeat past behaviour and hurt you.
You didn't get it.
He called you a lunatic for having perfectly valid concerns.
Don't beat yourself for feeling let down. He hasn't turned out to be that man you thought he was.

@loserssaywhat you're right, I just want to lick my wounds now and have a break from him.

It's been 2 years but was quite relaxed beforehand, now it's stepped up a notch I wanted a little more love and reassurance. Christ I'm pathetic! I'll just work on my own recovery.

it's not pathetic to want a relationship, and to expect a basic minimum of decency from a potential partner- just congratulate yourself on asking the question and listening to the answer

I'm sorry but I'm really hurting at the moment
He hasn't contacted me since yesterdaand I'm not about to contact him.

I guess this is the first stage of splitting

Time is a great healer. You can do this.

It's not pathetic at all.
You went to him with a valid concern. He kicked off and insulted you.
People who kick off and lash out when you set boundaries for yourself are not people you need in your life.

I agree with @StillWeRise — you asked the question, he’s shown you who he is, and you’re understandably upset at what you’re seeing. I’m slightly more concerned that some of your posts suggest you’d be ok with his prostitute usage if he were more affectionate to you.

No I'm not ok with it but I needed him to talk me through it to put me at ease a bit more.

Last communication was that I said I wasn't happy having sex if he didn't reassure me. I haven't heard from him since and I really miss him but I feel vulnerable and exposed at present and he should be able to make me feel safe.

Although I'm despondent at present I'll rally in a few days.

I thought you said you weren’t going to have sex with him any more, but just be “ friends “.

So now you are saying you won’t have sex with him again until he says the right words to you ?

What do you mean by “ he should be able to make me feel safe ? “ .

You’ve been in a “ not super serious “ relationship with him for 2 year.

You have tried to have a “ proper relationship “ with him but he doesn’t want to ( I assume that’s what you mean by “we can’t ).

He’s depressed and you are tying to help him.

I’m guessing he’s also unemployed / casually employed as you say he can’t afford to be with you.

Now he’s sulking because you asked him questions which kind of imply that you are exclusive.

I’m wondering - are you his FB and you are hoping that if you do this long enough you can fix him and he will become properly solvent and responsible Bf material ?

You’ve told him no sex
And he’s disappeared

Shocking

Not all men who use prostitutes are disgusting awful men. That's not fair.
Women who use escorts ? Also filthy and disgusting? No

In my opinion, both men and women who used prostitutes are disgusting.

He just wants your attention, constant sympathies that you dole out to him, and a shag. This is not some great tragic romance I'm afraid, he's just some dickhead that is using you.

You're "despondent" over what appears to be a fuck buddy who pays for access to women's bodies

Really take a think to yourself, I'm sure you can do much better.

Are you really that desperate OP? I'm beginning to think this is a piss take.

Grim as fuck

Nothing much has happened since. No it's not a piss take we've both been in serious relationships before and aren't especially couply.

Thing that happened nearly 2 weeks ago was that I was at his and went to bed quite early but said to wake me up if he wanted 'relations'. As it turned out I wasn't ready and still too asleep and it really fucking hurt. So I've been questioning everything since and he's not giving me the reassurance I need.

Yes it is grim but I made myself quite clear to him and haven't heard from him two days now so I'll just leave it. No proper update in other words.

It gets worse.

Blimey OP it is getting worse. Just leave him.