What’s your most irritating thing about OLD?

[OldTownRoadHome]

Forgetting the freaks and the weirdos of course!

My biggest irritation that gives me the sadness/rage is how cowardly men (maybe women too wouldn’t know) are.

So you date for a bit, then something happens or the messages go bland, I always give an out eg. “Feel things have dropped off a bit, sensing you want to call it a day?” And you get a “”no just busy want to stay in touch/go out again/be friends”.

Then you text and get yet more blandness, no progression, ignoring and just feel like a bit of a dick!

If someone has given you an out why can’t people be honest and say “yes let’s leave it” or whatever, gives me the total rage .

And of course I always just delete number and move on but still grrr!

So what is your biggest irritation?

Re men with children in their profile pics, (gave up on OLD a while back for many of the reasons PP's have mentioned) I once told a guy who had a couple of fairly young children in his profile pic what I thought of it, asking him if their mother was aware and saying I would be furious if they were my children.....the next day my profile was suspended by the site so I assume he reported me! Also, what is it with the profile pics with the guys holding large fish?? "Im really attracted to photos of men holding large fish" said no woman ever.

No replies no matter what approach you take with first messages. All based on looks it seems and there is only so much I can do trying to use my best photos etc

NRPDad, I wouldn’t take it to mean your look doesn’t work. I often don’t get replies, even when matched. And I’m attractive (not very modest but true!).

I think some people are just actually knobheads who do it for boredom.

Agree definitely some people out there just doing it for laughs or ego boosts from all the matches etc

Also, what is it with the profile pics with the guys holding large fish??

Exactly, the guy disappears to do “his hobby” for the whole weekend and you don’t even get a man in a great shape in return!

Having said that, I don’t think my other half gets much physical benefit from my hobby unless he is carrying its products to the charity shop

@NRPDad I received a first message on OLD a few days ago. The guys tag line was ' why all you women only into looks??'

His first message to me? 'Hi Gorgeous you look amazing'

He was not happy when I pointed out the irony.

I don't get the fish pics either. Why why why??!! Is it a declaration of manliness? Grrr big fish, big ....

Some guy messaged me with just sexy, so I messaged back with original. We didn't get very far, he couldn't handle my sarcasm I don't think.

Another guy actually seemed really genuine, we had been chatting for weeks, swapped numbers etc. The night before the date his messages changed and I made a comment about not being able to sleep so he said he found a little play always helped him to get to sleep and then he asked me to send him pictures of what he could be playing with. When I said I would rather not he seemed fine, but the next day he didn't bother answering my messages and stood me up and I haven't heard from him since. It all seems a bit strange to me, why speak to someone for weeks just to stand them up when they don't send dodgy pictures. He has a daughter and I am sure if his daughter was in that situation his attitude would be different.

Thought of another men that are rude from the first message, back handed compliments.

"Why do all the attractive ones have kids 🙄"

Was one of the best... I gave a snide reply back and he then tried to tell him he doesn't mind unlike a lot of men. 😡

Urgh that's horrible. I'd have wanted to give a comeback too, how rude of him.

Another one 'why are you single', 'your single and attractive, what's the catch', 'you dont' need to be on this', all implying that there must be something wrong with a reasonably attractive woman who is in her thirties and not married or settled down.

The flakiness, but I expect that now, so doesn't bother me anymore. The fact it makes relationships more expendable because it's easier to find a 'replacement'. Also not being able to tell height - I'm short and ended up on dates with so many guys who were shorter or my height, and you can't ask upfront or tell from photos so it was annoying (I don't need a giant but a guy with smaller hands than me is just no no). Mostly though, the exhaustion of going on the actual dates - the small talk, the dressing up, the expense, even remembering what stories I'd told who, and getting names and jobs confused....

Having said that, I did meet my exH on Tinder (he was my first date on OLD...), but after we separated/divorced I spent 18 months getting to grips with OLD, and experiencing all sorts! Some fun, some VERY unfun. Met my current bf on Tinder now too. And I'm grateful as not sure I'd have met either by sticking to my irl circle.

What I learnt is, the only way to keep your sanity is to date 'like a man' i.e not get too invested in anyone until they're actually talking exclusivity, seeing multiple men at the same time until someone mentions commitment (And I'm honest with the guys it's what I'm doing), and having a very strict screening process on who I actually swiped/replied to. Also I never assumed any guy would message, or even turn up on a date until they did, and didn't take it personally. It's not a reflection on me, but they likely found someone else or weren't that keen. There were definitely f*kboys who want to date but not commit - those were harder to deal with, but I've had that in irl dating as well! In fact, the guy who ended up being the worst was someone I'd known for 8 years irl!!

Also important to take a break every now and then when I found myself getting disappointed or exhausted or cynical - would delete all the apps, do my own thing for a bit and then get back on there with a new attitude. Would have killed me emotionally otherwise!

• @Jurassic* I so agree with the flakiness of it all. And the expendable culture. Sometimes it's like trying to arrange Brexit or something!! To me, I feel it's simple, make an arrangement and meet. And if I, as a single mother, can do it, then it can't be so hard!! I realised the non-commitment and ambivalence seems to be a facet of OLD which is somewhat frustrating

Love your strategy for coping with OLD! Very handy, I'm on a long break right now having had an unfortunate experience with a total liar and player last year. Luckily that's firmly in the past but just put me off for a bit

@Deadsouls I hear you. It can be EXHAUSTING, and it ups the number of complete weirdos you come into contact with. Since you actually have to date them a while to realise (and don't have common friends who can vet them for you!). I had one guy who seemed lovely and normal for a month, and then disclosed he was only dating me as he wanted me to wear a particular Disney costume he thought I'd suit.....UGH!

The men! 😂

No replies no matter what approach you take with first messages. All based on looks it seems and there is only so much I can do trying to use my best photos etc
Well, clearly it is based on looks to some extent, but I've answered men with pretty dire photos, or not conventionally good-looking, so if you're getting nothing then maybe you need to ask a friend to get a new point of view. Or just try and try again... 🤷
Current bf is overweight with pretty bad teeth and balding, but he was smiling cheekily in the photo and I liked his dry sense of humour so he got a date ... he was the least conventionally attractive and worst dressed of the three men I dated that week, but came across really well, obviously :) and had what I was looking for at the time.

Somehow, you can end up dating men you just know you never would of met IRL, and probably would not have dated them even if you had met. No wonder it ends in a square peg in a round hole situation, not enough in common, too much compromise to sustain.

I met DH on match but it took a long time to find him!

There was the guy who always messaged but never suggested meeting up and his messages were full of what he was doing in the next week. It was like he was saying ‘I’ll not have time to ever meet.

There was the guy who wanted to meet me at a hotel-jog on mate you are a stranger!

There was the guy who clearly skim read my profile and made stupid comments that were irrelevant as he hadn’t read it properly. I had said something along the lines of ‘ I currently work in finance but would love to be a primary teacher...’ he messaged me saying ‘oh you’re a primary teacher? Hope it’s not at my ex school!’ 1 no and 2 what if I was working there? Looking at your photo you left a good 53 years ago pal!

Then there was mr needy who winked at me. His profile was all woe is me. ‘I have been hurt in love and hope never to experience this again!’ Hmmm seems like he would have issues and he was not attractive to me. I gave no response and a few days got a message from him asking ‘why did you ignore me, I liked you and thought you would respond. Even a response to say ‘you wish’ would be ok! Erm ok then! He was blocked.

Then there was the guy who was desperate to get into my pants. Strabo he would contact me at random times like 4am to see me. Started to send me dick pics....why do guys think seeing the ugliest appendage ever will make you wetter than an otters pocket?

DH was a revelation!

There was a guy in POF having a rant one day, his profile said “this is a dating site! If you don’t want to date, get the fuck out of here!”

Which remind me of a woman who told me OLD was full of weirdos, so I explained the usual stuff on how it works, but I discovered the weirdo was herself, she was totally shocked when I mentioned that men also have to like you back to invite you out or accept an invitation. She honestly thought you just needed to get there to chose one you would like to date, like a catalogue order

Some casual misogny, recently saw a guy who had put "If you've had more fingers than Cadbury's, don't message me." 😁

Just been unmatched because I hadn't replied for 45 minutes.. Oh come on 🤔 i get that there is a lot of ghosting and he probably thought I had, but people might be eating their dinner, taking a nap, having a bath, talking to someone, gone out!

Agree with the flakiness and the lack of manners.
The guy that stood me up, I gave him the option a couple of times to tell me he wasn't interested or had changed his mind (when he cancelled the first time) he kept saying he was keen. I wouldn't have been hurt if he said he changed his mind, I was hurt that he led me on and arranged something and didn't show up without a word.

So many screwed up men out there and they all seem to be on dating sites it does feel like most of them are just enjoying playing pathetic headgames and have no interest in forming genuine relationships whatsoever

Asking for sexy pics. It's just not me to send those kind of photos... or sexting before we've even met. I just don't like it 🤷‍♀️

I was speaking to a guy, first of all he kept only talking about himself then told me he 'had a tattoo on his ass' (guess i'm supposed to find that sexy or something 🙄) then he puts 'i'm kind of leaving in 10 weeks' 😂' bye then. So many on there who only want 1 thing, even if they're honest about it, it's disappointing.