Dating thread 180 - Deep thoughts on attachment styles, psychology and love bombing. (Oh my!)

[PerfectPretender]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Are we on to pics now?!! I use Snapchat a lot but NOT for pics 😂

Only person that got pics was welsh guy- tbf he probably still has them but they aren't anything explicit. Underwear pics without my face in.

So I'm not sure on how often I should message Mr Spanners- welsh guy and I were back and forth messaging every single day but I don't want to get on Mr Spanners nerves.... we messaged briefly first thing, is it ok to message him now? He sent the last message

leavebefore message him! If it gets on his nerves that’s his problem. Go for it!

This thread is great and very informative!

I tried some mild innuendo once with Mr FO. It fell flat. So I never bothered again.
But I did do some sexting with someone I never met a couple of years ago. Not sure how we ended up going down that route but it was very good. I think we both knew we were unlikely to meet.

I'm trying to stay off the apps because I don't think I'm ready to deal with all the crap on there. But all this sex talk is not helping 😂

@leave I would advise not to message again...

@leave sorry just seen he sent last message, in that case yes it's okay

@Lovemusic33 I attract them types too, I got a recipe and photos of mr walking! Plus advice to switch the alcohol for stock if cooking for my kids!!!

You can also set a timer for pics with Snapchat so they just get a short glimpse.

Snapchat is also good if you don't want the previous conversation saved.

(Obviously a breeding ground for online bullying so I don't like my DC using it...)

I’ll message again even if I mesage last If the previous message closed the other convo

Why are these messaging rules so bloody hard!

One of the quotes that keep popping up on my Facebook wall is the one about if they were interested they would get in touch. My question is, what if they are waiting for us to message thinking we aren't interested?

@Welsh I don't know the answer, wish I did 😐

As long as the convo starting is 50/50 it’s fine. Matthew Hussey whose a dating guru on fb has a lot of interesting things about messaging. And don’t ask too many q’s etc. I don’t agree with everything he says but that advice is good.

I've hooked with an iron a few times. Usually I start the conversation but when we talk it's 50/50. This time I haven't started it to see if he will. That was a week ago! I'm assuming he isn't that interested but what if he thinks I've moved on?

@Welsh just send a breezy message that doesn't require an answer, and see if he replies.

I'm such an overthinker @bangheadhere40! I don't know if he's shy (which he says he is), not interested or lazy. If he's not interested or lazy then I don't want to keep prolonging it but if he's shy then I don't want to give up too quickly. I don't think it's supposed to be this hard!

What sort of breezy message? I feel like I'm 16 again and I didn't really enjoy it the first time round!

@Welsh I am too, a huge huge overthinker so get that 100%, I'm terrible. I would say though if you like him just do it, nothing to lose

@Welsh, I don't take my own advice at all...but if you have had any banter about something in the past maybe mention that...or just say how are you finding the dating site?

If you met online, just say...hi how are you getting on...

Messaged him, just have to resist checking my phone every 2 seconds now!

@Welsh, what did you say? It's better to put yourself out there I think 🙈

I would just send something silly or breezy yes

Mr 40Miles just asked me what I wanted in a man then said I had described Michael Bolton 😂

This is what his answer was to the same question;

I’m looking for someone who is not afraid to be themselves. Someone who will like me for me not try to change me, someone who has a wicked sense of humour, wants to do things and go out try new things, naturally pretty (filters and too much make up is the devils work!!!), someone I can connect with and enjoy life with...is that too much to ask? 😅😬😂

@menora he sounds keen if a little shy, please just ask him out.

Just had a reply! One happy girly here!

Trying to think of a breezy way of asking why he hadn't messaged but everything I've come up makes me sound a bit psycho. When I type something I know what it should sound like but if someone else reads it and emphasises different words it has a completely different meaning