Dating thread 180 - Deep thoughts on attachment styles, psychology and love bombing. (Oh my!)

[PerfectPretender]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Me too leavebefore I don’t think multi dating suits me and I don’t have the time (plus I’m slightly over investing in Mr Fact. Whoops!) Nothing wrong in it though as long as no one thinks you’re exclusive. Glad you had a good time. Who’s your favourite?

well ladies I have my first date at the weekend. bit of fun - hes very confident. bit older than I wanted but hey.

ive had over 200 likes on my profile - most are a bit sad but some quite nice
might be punching above my weight with my likes as only 3 have reciprocated! thing is - im fine single. for the first time ever I have no need for a man. so this is a bit of fun and ill see where it leads! wish me luck! im 47 but can pass for 37 though have been honest! date is with mr kiwi - hes 55. seems successful and confident. speaks a few languages. looks rather easy on the eye. so - its a lunch date. how the fuck does this work?

im on a paid site btw.....ive paid for 6 months.

SueDoeName

I have no idea how it works! But if were supporting a friend, I might say go along with an open mind and see how it goes! See if you can have a conversation and if there is any attraction there. The dating rules at the start of this thread are really helpful...maybe keep continuing to look on the site and go on a few dates.

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn. Yeah !! Holding up a bus 😂😂. We’re they looking ?? I had nosey nannas on a xmas luncheon at mine.

@SueDoeName find people that you find attractive and/or interesting and meet them and see if you want to see them again.. it’s almost like the dating app is a virtual pub or other old school way of meeting people. But you just get to see and chat to a lot more people in a short time

@Undecidedsofa I’ve had those messages before or if I get there first what do you want

Common. Maybe. What a knob basically. You got out. So did I. And I don’t tolerate a lie.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 the thing is I've not really had conversations with any of them about multi dating- I don't think Mr Spanners is looking for anything serious, neither is Mr Wings. Mr Sharkbite I'm not so sure.

I've only met Mr Spanners in person, the others I've not met yet. Mr Spanners is nice, he's got nice eyes, the conversation is good. The kiss was nice. Mr Wings I'm a little unsure atm- in messages he has appeared to be entirely about one thing. Mr Sharkbite- really nice to chat too and looks good.

It's like buses 😂 you wait for ages and then....

That was funny actually, he dropped me near a bus stop, we were sat snogging then vaguely became aware of headlights. Turned round and there was the bus 😂 Apparently when he was driving back the police were nearby too 😂

@shitwithsugaron I think mr Spanners does want to see me again and I want to see him but I can't see it going anywhere- he's army and can be moved around anywhere. It's really hard.

None of the guys I have slept with have been bothered about my post baby body- I was worried about this but welsh guy made me feel a lot more confident. He told me I looked beautiful and told me he didn't care about stuff like that and I don't think he did.

I don't think guys care tbh they're just glad to get you naked 😂

Yes I know what you mean @shitwithsugaron, it's strange the thought of going into something where you have no expectations of going anywhere. He's 24 though- I suppose I just expect it to be this way dating younger guys? I think I'm trying to protect myself after FWB.

And please don't work yourself up into a state of terror like that! I absolutely hate my boobs, breastfeeding ruined them. They're not saggy just empty 😂 I'm not gonna let it ruin my sex life though

Maybe that’s an advantage of being overweight there’s no hiding, they know exactly what they are getting!!
I’m terrified of dtd with someone new but I like that thought, I can’t hide in clothes so if they want to dtd they are obviously ok with that! Love this thread!

Sorry to hear that @shitwithsugaron but Thursday isn’t long to wait,

@marlborough I do the whole private detective, hard when not on Facebook, but linkedin is good. First name, location, job industry normally cracks it. Both of the recent ones haven't had facebook. Found Mr straight on linkedin, and on companies house as self employed, which also gave an address for him. I could then check electoral role to ensure he was living alone and not married etc as shows other occupants 😂

@shit what a shame, my son is off school poorly too, I think he is genuine, but how annoying.

@shitwithsugaron seriously it will be fine. There are men who prefer certain sizes of woman the same as women do with men. You can get a fairly good judge of that with clothes on (and prob from old pics) so if there’s no issue so far then he is defo into you and your body.

I had massive hang ups from my own thoughts and the words and actions of my ex h. Now im walking round my house naked with a man ive know a few months 😳.

Sorry to hear about your date @shitwithsugaron. Thursday isn't far off though. Hope your DC is better soon.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I also do the SM stalking. Mr SAS wasn't on any social media, which I found hard, but a bit of googling and a very unusual surname led me to a local press article about him (work related) so I was satisfied he was who he said he was.

@Deadsouls Unfortunately I think it's too common for men (and women I assume) to not be who they say they are on OLD. I guess lots of men assume that most women are looking for a relationship, so they say what they think we want to hear and then all the excuses/reasons as to why they can't be in a relationship come out once you have invested.
I was seeing someone last year who I met OLD and to be fair, I should have asked him earlier what he was looking for but he led me to believe that we were exclusive and then a few weeks later I found out he was still on the apps and chatting to other women. He was quite open about it and was surprised that I wasn't talking to others too. I ended it but we ended up in each other's lives again (the sex was great...what can I say) but this time with me being aware of the situation. It still didn't work out as ultimately we were looking for different things. I think had be been more honest on his profile, I wouldn't have gone there at all.

@shitwithsugaron I think it’s ok to feel a bit disappointed when you were excited and it doesn’t sound arsey

@Deadsouls I think because you stated you were poly amorous or interested in non-monogamy he's figured he can be open about what he does? (Is my theory, I highly highly doubt he tells women who've never expressed an interest in that what his game is). Interestingly the main who messed me about for months last year - who I found on a diff dating site after we were exclusive and who I long suspected was dating behind my back - he was also stingy. In fact, the first time out for a dinner date was a cheap place and he forgot his wallet. He later told me a story about how someone he'd been dating had said they didn't want to see him again as he'd forgotten his wallet on a date. So I was like 'hmmmm, is this actually a tactic?'. He never did it again but I noticed he was a cheapskate in every area. Money, emotions. I read an article months after it ended - on the psychology of cheapskates. But yes, above person also claimed he wanted a serious relationship but some prodding about his history with women revealed mostly short lived hook ups and at most 3-6 month situations, never lived with a woman, never wanted to etc, single and dating around for years. So basically. Not what was initially presented

yeah you will be fine. I'm really overweight and no one I've met seems to be bothered about it. I made sure they were able to see from my pics.

I'm really getting myself worked up over mr builder and the more I try not to think the worse it gets. seeing him 2 months, once of twice a week. met his family at new year and he accidentally met my daughter. He can be really chatty calls, vid calls etc but quiet at other times. I mentioned I thought hed been quiet and was concerned hed mentioned that we were very diff but he said he was just chilling out. has had a hard time relationship wise in the past so has said he doesnt want to rush in to anything (so meeting his family confused me). we spoke and met quite a bit and spoke about meeting his friends so I assumed he wouldnt be talking to anyone else but he mentioned at the weekend that he had been talking to someone else and his mum etc had asked him why. but after something I'd said he wasnt going to talk to her. it took me aback a bit and I didnt really say anything. But now I want to confirm/talk with him.

urgh, I dunno what to do. I only said to him last week about being quiet and concerned about his diff comment, where I basically told him I was looking for a relationship and he said he was just cautious and making sure things in his life were right for it. I dont wanna seem like a drama maker by now bringing up if hes chatting to anyone else. what do u think?

I feel really anxious about it all

@supercali77 Mr SAS was a bit tight too now you mention it. To be fair, he didn't earn loads of money and I would always expect to pay my way on dates but it was always very 50/50, even the little things...not even an offer to pay (apart from my birthday when he took me out for dinner as my present).

Another guy I was dating about 18 months ago was in a good job, drove a very decent car, etc but my God he was tight. He wouldn't do anything unless he had a discount voucher/code for it. For our 2nd date, we went to the cinema and he brought sweets along. Fair enough, I usually do the same if I'm taking my kids (although probably wouldn't have done on a 2nd date), but I ended up with the remains of a packet in my bag at the end of the night and he actually asked me not to throw the empty pack away until I had given him the offer code from the inside for a free cinema ticket. I thought he was joking but no. So he probably didn't even pay for the cinema in the first place!
Why I carried on seeing him for 6 weeks I have no idea. The HE dumped ME as 'the spark had gone'. What frigging spark you tightarse!