Dating thread 180 - Deep thoughts on attachment styles, psychology and love bombing. (Oh my!)

[PerfectPretender]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

As you have agreed to be mr Mile's gf are you going to let him know you are still dating @bangheadhere40 ?

@notcool I am not sure what to make of it, as he hasn't been as chatty today and I get the impression he not that keen. What should I do? Tell him it's too much too soon and just to see how things go....

Yes, tell him that.

It could just be that he's really busy in work today. I'm usual quite quick at replying but there are days when I'm rushed off my feet and can't reply.

I'd give it a day or two to see if it's a one off or the start of a pattern but trust your instincts, they are usually right!

Whilst I’m trying not to over invest or get too excited/nervous I could use some advice, I’ve not had a first date in 12 years!!

I’ve picked a pub I know, I’m thinking get there 15 minutes early so I can get my own drink and find a seat. Haven’t decided on wether to have alcohol, I could probably use it but it tends to make me flush and I’m driving! Tell a friend I’m there and to text to check in after 15 mins have a code if I want a get out call, loo trip if I’m not happy to walk out of the pub at the same time, am I missing something? Or overthinking it?!!

@Jane1978xx I send those messages! 🙈 help me lol.

the more I do OLD the more boring I think I am lol

bang meet Mr Straight but don’t be messed about. If he cancels, changes, flakes then you need to block him. Don’t forget last night you had a lot of uncertainty about Mr Smile. 3pm indeed!

menora glad your having fun.

average when anyone says “played with” now it makes me cringe. As you know I have dabbled in clubs and fab so I know it’s the lingo but it still for some reason makes me feel a bit ick 😂

shitwith similar situation. I am seeing Mr Fact on Friday. He lives about 20 miles in the sticks. 1st date he drove. 2nd date he stayed at his best mates who lives very local to me. I am child free on Friday and kind of want to suggest he stays over with me but it feels presumptuous. The 2nd date snogging was very hot but our messages are very very clean! Should I ask or just see what happens?

@Stuckinarut79 You have covered all bases and more there!

I told a friend where I was and checked in part way through but I figure if I need/want to leave then I just will. I think the 'get out' call is a bit naff to be honest and most men would see through it.

@marlborough just ask him to stay over

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I would just say something like "you're welcome to stay at mine on x date so you can have a drink". You don't need to make a big deal of it.

@marlborough he won't like to ask himself so if you want him to just suggest it

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I was always a fan of ye olde 'Come to mine and i'll make dinner' (The mens tended to know what this was code for and if they didn't well....you can still pounce)

marls I would just ask (provided you feel you know him well enough to feel safe with him/knowing where you're living) - you only live once!

we were supposed to see a show but it’s sold out so he has arranged something else to do so I can’t ask him for dinner. Should I ask him to stay then????? Aw I’m scared. What if he says no?

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I’m with the whole I’ll cook dinner idea, the pour him a drink so he has to stay, I believe that’s how I got the stbxh to stay over the first time!

@Sunshineandflipflops thanks, good point no phone call needed!!

@marlborough I really don't think he will say no....🙂

marls I doubt he'll say no!especially if you've had some electrical heavy petting already. Is the music gig near to you?i'd just say something like 'at the risk of sounding too forward you're more than welcome to stay at mine if you fancy a few drinks on our date'

marlbs He isn't going to say no! A simple 'You're welcome to stay here after' as part of the chat about what you're doing?

Mr Ad offered me to stay at his after we were going out where he lives so I accepted and he offered to sleep on the sofa.

I assumed he was just saying it but I asked him again recently and he said he meant it and was being a gentleman, bless him. I didn't want him to be a gentleman though 😂

Coco it’s an odd one isn’t it? We have only had 2 dates but I do like him/ fancy him. He checks out on SM and I would let a friend know my plans anyway but it is offering a bed (and sex) to a virtual stranger.

I have never been in this position before. My 2 main relationships from 18- 36 really started as friendships that as soon as we realised we had feeling we were inseparable and in my year of been single I have shagged the ones I liked straight away. I have not got to 3rd date with anyone ever. Wow!!!

I have blown my own mind!!!

coco that’s perfect I will say that!

🤞marls let us know how it goes!

I also have been a dtd on first/second/or third date kind of girl 🙈

Need to catch up but I'm having a second date with mr Spanners tonight....