Dating thread 180 - Deep thoughts on attachment styles, psychology and love bombing. (Oh my!)

[PerfectPretender]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Is he drinking? High?

So I have this guy who follows me on social media who I dated like 6 bloody years ago.

We dated for a few months and it was good, he was nice, - good looking for sure, but he dumped me when he went to a wedding for the weekend and didn’t text me once and I said it had upset me. The dumping was done nicely but I was annoyed at the time as I thought it was rude seen as I had done something nice for him the week before and he didn’t even say thank you

He then came back to talking to me over DM now and then over the years and I have not really bothered much with him. He likes all my posts. Always says happy birthday, happy Christmas, happy NY etc. He doesn’t seem to have ever moved on and met anyone else.

I decided to finally message him back and see what he has to say for himself 😂😂

@bangheadhere40

Please just leave. If it doesn’t feel right just fake sickness and go

I am quite shy,don't know if miscommunication but something isn't clicking.

We have both had a drink, he has been lovely to me, just something I can't put my finger on. I am leaving early doors. I like him and he is nice, I just can't put my finger on it.

I am quiet and he is overly loud, not sure this works.

@bangheadhere40 have you been there since last night ? Maybe he’s just a little drunk

Trust your instincts and get yourself out of there @bangheadhere40 and let us know when you're away from there and safe how well do you know him? Have you been on many dates with him? Has he been to your house? Don't reply now get yourself out of there first.

@Jane yep 2 nights as motorway closed so had to stay tonight. It's probably me, I just get like this a bit wobbly, he hasn't done anything wrong at all.

@sexy,he is being lovely, nothing wrong at all and being nice.

@bangheadhere40

I worry as you have said a few things about him that bother you but you then talk yourself out of it

Please leave I think you need some distance to think about whether it is weird or not

@menora cant tonight as had a drink but leaving early in morning and then will re think x

I am fine, he's fine...being nice enough.

A 2 night third date js a lot so maybe you are a little fed up of each other from the time

Sunshineandflipflops I went back on tinder today as a distraction. And I guess I hoped for someone like Mr Ad to miraculously appear so I could move on quickly.
However, the choice of men around my age (52) is very limited. It's much easier to swipe left.

bangheadhere40 please keep yourself safe

@bangheadhere40 how much have you had to drink?

What would you say to one of us if we had posted that about something not being right?

Perhaps wait until some of the alcohol is out of your system and prime a friend to give you a ring saying that you need to go home oe go to see them?

I am so tired and overwhelmed. I have no idea where to start. I'm obviously not ready for a relationship, but I'm lonely and want to be loved. I'm not really ready for a new job but I'm bored and need the money. I'm so lost.

@bangheadhere40 you seem to have moved very quickly and it's not clear what you have wanted in this. He wouldn't arrange dates. Then he was in love with you and you worried if you should say it back. He asked you to be his GF. All very quickly and it wasn't clear to me how much of it you wanted. Now you are on a 2 night date and feeling uncomfortable. You could have found another way home despite the motorway and you can always call a friend or a taxi. Please think what YOU want. And make sure you are safe.

@NoMore

You sound like you need a bit of a reset. When you feel overwhelmed you can tend to cling onto things like random life raft in your sea of chaos
You need to really sit down and make a plan of where you are, where you want to be and how you will get there. I think when you drift along you will meet the wrong people

For a start, being lonely doesn’t mean you should find a partner - maybe you need to connect with some friends

Worse case get a taxi to a hotel or something.

@EchoElephant I'm 51. I was hoping Mr Ad might turn up. Or indeed Mr List. Or Mt Mechanic. None of them did... i I always feel like these things happen to other people. Like winning things.

@bangheadhere40 please make sure you're safe!

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I get the loneliness I really do. But you're so early on after your separation- in all honesty I don't know if it's the right time to be looking for a relationship when everything is so raw.

It actually sounds like what you've got going with Mr Pilates is pretty good for the time being- some fun and a distraction without the added weight of a serious relationship.

Take your time with it all, you're doing so well with everything. And OLD is great fir a distraction and some fun but seems to work better when you aren't looking for serious.

The worst thing you could do NoMore is to dive into a RS. You need time to heal from the past but I understand that it is frustrating having to ‘wait’ for the healing to happen and sometimes we try to force ourselves into moving on before we are ready. I remember feeling like an embarrassed failure that I didn’t have a man in my life and everyone else did and wanting to prove I am not defective

unambiguousbeard that's exactly how I feel.
Mr FO seemed like the perfect match. We got on so well. I still can't get my head round why it fell apart like it did.
I feel my chances of meeting someone I click with like that are disappearing rapidly.
My house is falling apart. I'm struggling with my job and my health. Nothing major, just little things I can sort out (or pay someone to sort out). But I miss having someone to help me deal with life's problems.