Dating thread 180 - Deep thoughts on attachment styles, psychology and love bombing. (Oh my!)

[PerfectPretender]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Undecidedsofa can you use the IPL thingy all over down below? Not just bikini line?

I also have been thinking about my motivations for OLD and whether getting into a relationship this soon has been a wise choice for me. Jury is still out tbh.

marlbs yeah I've had breaks before but something about 2020 has got me quite determined not to get sidelined! Really glad it's going well with your new iron

I've got mine as a neat triangle at the top, nude on the 'undercarriage' (jeez tmi sorry). Trimmed back. I feel like it says - I like a shag and I believe in womens rights.

This reminds me of the time I almost hung a giant embroidery on my bedroom wall. My gay friend said 'All that's telling me is that you have a giant Bush' 😂

@snazzylump good for you! For pissing on the pot 😁

This is why OLD is so hard. We're all looking for different things, some of us don't even know what that is, loads of us just aren't ready, some of us just need an ego boost, some are ready for a full on LTR. And men are the same. Finding someone who is not only at the same stage but you also fancy and get on with us bloody difficult!

Normally a lurker on the dating threads as I've given up really but I do like to read how everyone is getting on and the funny stories. I now have one of my own............I have a profile on PoF but I don't respond to many people on there as it's quite obvious they've either not read my profile or decided they'd ignore what it says. Last year a guy messaged me and he looked quite nice, right age, right height, ticked a few boxes so I replied. We messaged back and forth for a while and he seemed OK so eventually we arranged to meet. He only stood me up !!!! Didn't turn up, didn't message to apologise, nothing Just disappeared. I chalked it down to experience and just really cemented what I think of PoF. This morning he's messaged me saying "hi" I was so surprised I replied saying "aren't you the one who stood me up last year ?)" His response was "not not me, I wouldn't do that". I replied giving him the specifics of where we were meeting and I now notice his message has disappeared so he's obviously blocked me. What an absolute and utter knob jockey. I just don't get it. Why be on a dating site if you're going to pull crap like this ? I really must delete my profile :-)

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn
you certainly can - I just use it wherever needed ! Seriously a game changer...my life is so bloody chaotic, having one thing in control really helps

Sorry for the derail and all the questions @Undecidedsofa but I'm really intrigued- have you got one of the Philips Lumea ones? I've seen them mentioned on Mumsnet a lot. I'd just be worried if it was safe all over- knowing my luck I'd burn myself with it 😂 I'm quite fair too so may not work

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn
I have an old model Phillips Lumea one, yes.
You shave first, then use it, it can be at different strengths, it flashes light which feels a bit like a 'ping' on your skin. You do it every week for 6-8 weeks then it lessens.
I'm dark haired and it has worked really well

@GinisLife I think that's a Classic 'Has she blocked me' script IME...horrid and if that's happens again I'd delete and block, I think that feels more healthy than having loads of expired irons on your phone, I end up putting MrX Bumble 6'1 Norfolk as contact with their OLD profile pic to aid my lapsing menopausal memory.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 landing strip is easy to maintain for me, and doesn't say porn star, but I totally agree it should be OUR choice of how it makes us feel. I'm interested in the IPL solution I haven't tried that. After years of waxing my Mediterranean and full on lady garden, I gave up and have gone to shaving and trimming as much easier, and no waiting for the right time to wax. Good luck with the ❤️ i would love to do that but I know it would be a total PinterestFail.

@Undecidedsofa that sounds great, I think some of my hair would be too light for it though unfortunately. I'll just have to continue with the razor 😂 I don't actually mind it's just getting it as smooth as possible is hard

I’ve got a Philips IPL and keep forgetting to use it, maybe if I can’t commit to that I really shouldn’t be looking to date!! You do need it dark hair, biggest thing I don’t like is it stings like mad on the tattoo on my leg!! Not been brave enough to go near my bikini line!

supercali bloody love it! 😂

I was joking about the ❤️ It would defo be a Pinterest fail!

undecided link please!

@Marlboroandmalbec34 here you go! 😂

I actually have a tiny heart tattoo literally right next to my c-section scar so not far off 😂

Au naturel here. Never shaved or waxed it. Never shaved my legs and don't bother waxing anymore. Only shave armpits a couple of times a year. I think I'm an acquired taste.

I have a heart tattoo between my bikini line and hip too! @LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn
I got mine when I asked my ex to leave - he hated tattoos and I wanted to reclaim my body.

@Marlboroandmalbec34
this is what I have , but not this model, I got one on Ebay for about £60
I think they are bought then forgotten about or people are worried about using them, so they can be snapped up for not too much.

www.amazon.co.uk/Philips-Lumea-Advanced-Removal-System/dp/B00ZWI0NAM/ref=asc_df_B00ZWI0NAM/?hvlocphy=1006502&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=310734735537&hvpone&hvlocint&hvpos=1o7&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-564120885561&hvrand=4760928223317190227

@unambiguousbeard I’m jealous I’m au natural as I’m lazy but my legs look like a carpet if I leave them alone!!

@Undecidedsofa same as me, after I split with ex I've had 7 tattoos done- he hates them! I've literally not seen him in over a year but I hope the DC tell him all about them 😂

Post-split tattoos for me too!

Yeah post split ones for me too. Post Mr U too! I did get a load done over 25 years ago though.... the new ones are just bigger and better. Mr U was furious.

I'm really wanting to get another tattoo now 😂

I hope it’s okay to just jump in. You guys seem like the people I need to be around right now.

So in 2019...I had my heart broken by a guitar player (typical) who led me on for months and let me drive three hours to see his band play only to make out with his “ex” girlfriend in front of me when I got there (dunno why he couldn’t just tell me they got back together but hey ho).

Then I randomly met a guy through LinkedIn. We went for coffee and I found out he was still married 😂🙄

Then I gave bumble a try. Met an Italian guy the first week of December who lives locally, we have the most insane physical chemistry I’ve ever had with anyone. We slept together a few times, I was happy to keep it casual at first. Then he went back home for a couple weeks at Christmas and spent the entire trip video calling me and bombarding me with messages blah blah. It was great and intense and flirty and brilliant.

He got back a couple weeks ago and was putting in tons of effort with me, calling me daily, asking to see me every free minute.

Last night we had this perfect date, made out at the cinema like teenagers, had amazing sex. Lying there talking afterwards and somehow the convo turns to “us” and he basically tells me he can tell he won’t ever fall in love with me and doesn’t want to hurt me and has been feeling guilty blah blah.

So we decided to stop seeing each other and now I’m devastated. How can a guy tell you he thinks you’re gorgeous/smart/funny/interesting and want to see you and sleep with you all the time and then just drop a bomb like that ?

It’s made me want to just give up on dating forever, and I’m 40 so it’s not an impossible option ...

Someone else tell me this isn’t just happening to me

@YeahJackie that all sounds really rough on you 💐

So with the Italian guy, was the agreement that it was only going to be casual? I don't understand that, constantly contacting you but telling you later he won't ever have feelings for you? That's just cruel imo. Mixed messages all along

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn we talked about it early on and he said he wasn’t sure he was looking for a serious relationship and I said I wasn’t either, so as far as I knew it was casual and we never said we were exclusive or anything.

Obviously I did start to have some feelings when he was away because of all the attention but I also knew we’d only “met” a few times in person and I still don’t know him that well so was happy to just date and see how it went

Don’t know why he brought it up last night but he said he could tell I have feelings for him (which is absolutely true) and he was worried about hurting me

Then he called me this morning to say he regretted it the minute he left and he’s not sure he could fall in love with anyone. Which is all fine, except that in itself is confusing.

We were supposed to spend today together and he’s been out with a friend and said he wanted to call me later and I said if he had something really important to say to come over and talk face to face, otherwise have a nice life sort of thing.

I’m usually a good judge of how things are going so I’m baffled enormously

I'd be bloody confused with all that too @YeahJackie. Although I don't think my judgement around men is particularly great tbh.