The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

@waxonwaxoff0 what time should I be round for pancakes?! Yum yum yum! My fave!

@exohexohgossipgirl welcome! Twins solo- you sound like you're superwoman and I take my hat off to you!

I've just woken up so am going to go and say hello to ds, and suggest pancakes! He has a 3 hour bday party today. Sort of a forest school one. Fingers crossed it stays dry for them!

Hello! I’ve been single since I left my children’s dad 30+ years ago. I decided then that I wouldn’t enter into any live in arrangement that didn’t centre them and provide them with a better father figure than their actual father. That person never materialised and I’ve had a really good life with complete control, a few fun ONS and short flings, and a really good FWB for some years. My kids have done really well. (All my relationships happened away from home until after kids had moved out, and even then I rarely let anyone in to my place.) I like my own space and my own company and get bored quickly in relationships so being single works for me. Happily family and friends stopped trying to pair me up with what they thought were suitable people years ago. That was irritating.

Can I join? Single, mid 40s with one DC. Bloody love it. Can decide to do what I want when I want, Peri menopausal so can go to bed with a bar of Galaxy at 8pm without anyone giving me a look!

Had an illfated six months relationship last year and honestly don't have the energy. Realised ultimately how much happier I was after we split. Didn't have to take into account anyone else's wishes when planning my weekend. Selfish? Maybe but I work really hard in the week and love my me time.

Thankfully DD is very snuggly and has the same sense of humour as me so get lots of cuddles and giggles.

Ah when they were small it was hard but it got easier and they seem to like each other which helps Their dad is next to useless and they rarely see him which nade raising them my way easier. Im atheist, he is catholic andwe are in ireland so it been far easier not to have him nor his influence with religion hanging over us and i parent as i see fit which has made things tons easier!

I’ve been a bit up and down, thanks for asking waxonwaxoff0. I’ll be so glad to get off this roller coaster!

Walked a lot, listening to podcasts. Around 20km all up.

Back to work tomorrow, which should help.

I love hearing about everyone’s cosy days. ♥️

Can I join the party- uve deleted all the dating apps and finally ready (and happy) to stay single!

Yesterday we did NOTHING and it was bliss. My goal now is to save up enough to buy my own home.... with a garden so I can read outside in the summer

Ooh, I've found my people Separated from my EXH for a couple of years now and just in the process of finalising the divorce. 47, mum to a 2 year old, no child support or any other contribution from EXH so I'm 100% responsible for her and never ever get a break, apart from the couple of days a week that she goes to nursery (and I go to work). And I'm happier than I've EVER been.

My own little cottage that's our sanctuary, that I can decorate how I like. My dogs, my cat, my amazing relationship with my daughter, my couple of close friends, my career, my hobbies (the few that I can fit in). I can watch what I like on tv, make my own decisions about EVERYTHING, sleep peacefully in my own bed at night, go where I like on holiday. I used to miss sex, still do occasionally, but that's it! I just can't imagine anyone who'd be worth me sacrificing any of these hard-fought-for things for. I can't see this changing. I'm so glad I'm not alone!!

This thread is fab! I spent years and years wondering what was wrong with me, why my relationships never lasted - some were disastrous. I even thought I'd met 'the one' which I ended a year ago after 18 months. Although we lived a few hours apart, he became needy and I realised (after reading threads on here) emotionally abusive.

The relief I feel now is huge, I put up with that manchild way too long. I know I will never want anyone encroaching on my life any more. I will never let another man share my bed, let alone move in! (Wouldn't rule out a FWB though if the opportunity ever arose in the future)

I have my own lovely house and 2 sons - early twenties and a teen who are thriving, kind lovely boys. We recently got our first dog too who is currently chilling at the foot of my bed!

I truly am happy by myself, I love nothing more than taking my youngest for holidays/weekends away, days out walking and exploring. Have only a few friends who enjoy the same things. I don't have some big career but am happy in my job and am lucky to work term time only.

Today is a home day, local walk in the park, cleaning and cooking a roast! Happy Sunday all xx

Wow this thread is a tonic, thank you. 'Single' only for a few weeks after >20 year marriage and still in the throws of the pain.

But beginning to appreciate the positives, as so many of you do.

Still in sweet-smelling bed (in the middle, with tons of pillows), though awake a couple of hours, with 2nd round of coffee and toast, lovely view from window, laptop, books (not quite opened but there as a reminder that they will be), nice lighting. I'd never have been able to spend hours doing this before, and it's lovely.

NOthing better than closing the door on your own home knowing you have nobody to answer to!

Today is chill out day here. I have pottering about to do but nothing major just walking the dogs, might go for a swim. Kids love baking scones and banana bread on sunday for their lunchboxes during the week and i then send them off to their xboxes to prep meals or cook for the week watching the tv in the kitchen and sipping on wine. Truly blissful.

Also late to the party, but I love this thread already. I’m early forties, single mother to a teenage boy. Once divorced and now separated from my second serious partner, after a short, but sharp abusive relationship. Did OLD for a while after the split, but I found it all so pointless, and probably every man apart from one (we decided to genuinely be friends only and it’s working lovely) instantly tried to be controlling in some way. Others were completely emotionally unavailable. None of it made me feel better and I don’t miss sex (as it was a tool of abuse in the last relationship) so....i came to the conclusion, where’s the value add here? I don’t see it.
I love my single life. The immense personal freedom it affords, I’m just buying a holiday home and for the first time in my life will be able to decide upon literally everything that goes into it. I wake up on my weekends off and can decide exactly where i want to go and what I want to do, and as others have said, at home, eat what I like and watch what I want etc. my son is the only man I need in my life. And because he has some educational needs, I can completely focus on being his advocate all of the time without having to explain that and balance time between a new partner. Yes to that!

I agree having the freedom to go exactly as you please minute by minute is great. I think now ten years on so much of what is being discussed on this thread is the norm for me that I forget that I savoured those things like nectar for the first few years.

In that spirit I’m going to revisit a few more things I’ve started to take for granted

Not being criticised about what I’m choosing to watch on TV
Not being the butt of his constant “jokes” and having to be told how over sensitive I am if I’m not amused
Not having to feel self conscious about gaining a few pounds ( That one has backfired a bit as I put on a lot of weight and it’s stayed)
Not having to have sport in my life
Not having to eat meat every day or eat separately
Not having to sit in every single night of the week by myself while he “popped out for a drink”

It’s strange none of those things happened in the first five years we were together but gradually crept in.

I do wonder what will happen when I am living alone ie DC have left which is likely to be in the next six months, will I then want to look for someone ? I must say a FWB kind of set up sounds great but nothing like that has come onto my horizon as yet

Not sure a FWB would work with me... I think I'd get attached! But, never tried it so never say never!!!

I've had a hard-ish morning. Ex-boyf has decided to lay it on thick in a text about how everyone deserves second chances. I've been kind, but said no. I did feel a little bad, until he told me that he's been told to go back to his parents home so that they can look after him "post-split"... man child indeed. We were together 15 months, seems a little OTT 🤨.

Getting ds back from party shortly! And going to go for a walk to feed the ducks, and then some mates coming round for a Sunday supper. Life is good!

I hope it's ok if I join in a little, single man here and content for it to remain so. I can't really imagine sharing my living or head space with anyone again.

Around a year out of a very controlling relationship and relieved that I don't have to think through every possible way any word or deed may be taken.

I do miss intimacy though, not sex so much but moments like when she would reach out and gently touch my arm or gaze searchingly into my eyes.

Maybe there's an OLD for friends with arm touching benefits?

@mildlymiffed pancakes were demolished! Orange and white chocolate chip, yum!

About to prep the meat for Sunday dinner in a minute with a nice glass of Sauvignon Blanc. Sundays are definitely all about food.

Lovely to read all the new posts of positive singledom. What a bunch of amazing women (and men) we are!

With my FWB we rarely go to each other’s houses. We treat ourselves to luxury hotels and spend a really decadent night then trundle off home alone. It’s perfect.

@surplus2requirements I'll dangle my arm virtually in your direction 😂! I'm with you about it not being about the sex. For me, it's having someone to nuzzle into my neck occasionally. So maybe I'll advertise for a neck nuzzler!

I do pay for an proper once a month full body massage. Not intimate (!), it's an aromatherapy one. But I do like being touched for an hour. But without any sexiness involved!! And she doesn't talk through it! And it's my turn throughout- no need to reciprocate! 😂

A big wave from the north

53, single around 10 years, no children, live alone. Absolutely love it I dabble with an FWB periodically but nobody at present: I have a major goal in late spring and really need to focus on that.

Really loving the thread

Actually, I'm more than loving the thread. I award it the 'best thread ever'. It really has reminded me of what I have. I'm usually pretty in tune with my privilege but ..... lest I forget

@JacquesHammer Lovely to see you; wish you a fab 2020

HUGE welcome to everyone who has joined

I hear what you guys are saying re intimacy - there is something lovely about having that emotional closeness with someone and that translating to their body language.

However, in the wrong relationship, the emotional price to pay to get that intimacy is too high for me. My alki ex was controlling and although I miss the closeness, I don't miss feeling on eggshells all the time and feeling sick if he was in a bad mood.

I am unsure how my FWB thing will work out. In general, I far prefer sex within a relationship, with closeness and feeling involved. But I do miss the physical side of things very much and have quite a high sex drive . So, we shall see. I will be meeting up with him in the next couple of weeks.

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace Hooray, another northerner. I was feeling a bit alone up here waving down South

I kind of miss hugs, but in the last relationship hugs always had to lead to sex, kisses had to lead to sex, hell, even looking vaguely in his direction had to lead to sex, so I am managing with just cuddling the (very high needs dog) and enjoying not immediately being expected to start heavy snogging and undressing.

The kids give me a hug when I see them, and that will do. I have a feeling I may be cultivating an Ice Maiden persona, but I don't care. Nobody owns my body but me.

On the other hand, I'm preparing to move house and could really do with another pair of hands around the place to help clear out cupboards! The dog is being sod all use...

I would love affection and intimacy but after the initial couple of months that dried up , the kids took that spot if you know what I mean so it’s a few arid years now.
If I started to think along those lines I would feel sad but really you can’t have everything and for now my life choices mean no affection etc

Loving this thread!

I’m 34, from N.Ireland, 2 DCs. Been single for over 2 years after a 5 year relationship.

I’m much, MUCH happier on my own. I have absolutely zero desire for a man in my life, although maybe in future an FWB would be nice.

I moved into my house at Halloween with my DDs and it’s amazing having my own space to do exactly as I please. All decorating decisions are down to me, I can cook what I like, it’s so peaceful and I don’t take my freedom for granted. I honestly don’t think I will ever live with a man again, what is the point?

I can’t think of a single benefit to being in a relationship, apart from financial support possibly.
I get love and affection from my DCs, I could get sex from a FWB if I wanted to, and I get emotional support from friends. I don’t feel I’m missing out on anything at all.

Relationships are nothing but a drain on my energy. I feel so much more fulfilled on my own.

Maybe some people will look at me in pity and think deep down I want a man. They can think what they like. Most people I know who are married or are in LTRs are actually kind of miserable. But in our society being in a couple is the gold standard. Which is bullshit really.

I don’t need an ‘other half’ *shudder I’m complete on my own!

Nice to meet you all!

Hi Twiglight

It's great here, innit?