The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

@SirChing, . That really made me laugh. I wish I’d thought of that 26 years ago. Never mind, lots of it was fun. I look forward to happy chats here in quieter times. Thanks for the welcome.

@MadamBatty You definitely sound like you have done the right thing for you. Glad that you are feeling so happy.

Thinking about it, if society didn't put so much pressure on people to be in a couple, then I think more people would be single through choice. Which would then make those who wanted to be in a relationship really up their game and not act selfishly in their relationships.

So it would benefit everyone really. Why aren't there Happily Single agencies for people to meet others, discuss this and socialise, in the same way that there are dating agencies. It would be great to have a network of likeminded people to connect with in the local area. Hmmmm anyone fancy going into business?

12 months single. (40 been there done it, so not missing out)

I have also vowed to stay eternally single, I'm just not happy with a partner in my life.

Secondly, when my exp moved into my home in 2016 (we were together two years) one of my cats stopped meowing, literally overnight. She didn't meow once while he lived here for two years.

She has in the last six months started chatting again and is making up for lost time her (and my other dcat) happiness comes first

Thanks for asking, SirChing. :-)

I don’t have a problem being in my own company, in fact I need it. And I have no intention of living with another adult for a very long time, if ever! It’s the thought of not having emotional/physical intimacy with one special person that is almost making me feel panicked.

But this is a very fresh break up, so hopefully that fear will calm down in time. And you’re right, I already feel relieved at being out of the crappy, toxic situation I was in!

@SirChing you run the northern branch, and I'll take on the south! Before you know it... single world domination! An increasing number of people in the world are choosing to be single! I've been round to a friends for dinner. Haven't seen her for a while, and kids hadn't seen each other for at least a couple of years. Makes me so proud of kids when, within 20 mins they're laughing and joking and messing about! Makes me realise that a community is what you make it, and I don't need a "better" 🤔🤔 half to make my evening.

@thestoic I hear you! if you've come out of something like a marriage/long term relationship it will be hard, you need to let yourself grieve the end of the relationship, and you need to be kind to yourself. A massive handhold.

...and as @sirching says, please come here when you're low and sad. You will be okay. As the adage goes, "life is tough my darling, but so are you".

@BayandBlonde Oh your poor cat! She obviously knew that the person wasn't right for you. I am so glad she has found her miaow again. She can have some of my Maine Coon's voice if she likes. Mine never stops talking. Most of it lies. She tells everyone that visits that I have never, ever fed her so that they feed her again. Little bugger!

@TheStoic But there is no reason why you won't have emotional/physical intimacy again if that's what you want in the future. I have just bagged myself a FWB for the physical side and, to be honest, now I don't have the stress of a dickhead in my life, my needs for emotional intimacy have been more than adequately met by friends.

If you get to the point that you want someone in your life, then you can always date and find one - there are loads of men out there. Nothing has to be forever.

I remember that panicky feeling well. It makes things feel impossibly big and too daunting to deal with. But it passes. When your body and brain realise that they have survived the change without the ceiling falling in on them, the panic becomes much less frequent, and then not at all. THEN you will panic at the idea of having the bugger back

You honestly will get there much sooner than you think. A crappy toxic situation for 26 years, to being alone, is a massive change. It would be weirder if you didn't feel overwhelmed and panicky sometimes. But that's probably made worse because being in a toxic situation, raises our baseline stress levels any way. So you have gone from being on borderline alert all the time to high alert now.

The fact that you can already see the positives, despite the panic, means that you know deep down that it needed to end. Your stress levels will come down. Truly. Have you thought about seeing the GP to try to get some betablockers or valium or something to take the edge off the panic when it hits? There is no shame in that.

In a years time, I would bet £50 that you are loads happier and feel better than you have in years. And that your ex is pig sick as you will be all happy and sparkly.

PM me anytime for a chat

@mildlymiffed You are so right! We are enough just as we are.

Ok, I shall do the Northern Branch.......erm......no idea where to start!

I’m another completely happy single woman. Had a long term relationship that ended when I left him 4-5 years ago. Had one relationship since of about 10 months. I can honestly say I will never ever live with anyone again. I’m so much happier on my own.
My friends and I were talking about relationships the other night (all married). One was trying to persuade me that the initial stages of a relationship and getting to know each other was so exciting etc. I just couldn’t think of anything worse. My friend posted this article on line the other day. Take a read, it’s so true!

www.google.com/amp/s/victimfocus.wordpress.com/2020/01/04/dear-men-so-you-think-you-want-a-strong-independent-woman/amp/

That article is brilliant. I am sick to death of men that pretty much want me to be their mother and sort their life out for them. Equally, I am sick of men who want to play the dominator role and can't actually handle women who aren't messed up in some way and have boundaries.

Thank you so much SirChing and mildlymiffed.

I’m in a lot of emotional pain right this minute, but it’s 9:45am where I am and I know the mornings are the worst for me. I’d better get on with the day to distract myself. Onwards and upwards.

@TheStoic tell us what you have planned...

I'm crawling into bed with my novel. An hours worth of reading here at least. I'm a night owl which is hard when I have a ds who is an early bird. But he knows better that to wake me up, and will let me have a little lie in. Which means he gets uninterrupted morning telly.

Remember that being single is better than being with the wrong person. Big big hugs.

I will clean the house, which is well overdue!

Then I’ve (unfortunately) got to drop my two kids at their dad’s, they’re off to a beach holiday house for a week.

Then I think a long walk. And then...I don’t know. Lots of reading.

Agh I can’t wait to be mentally where you guys are!

But I’ll shut up now. I’ll keep reading here, but this is supposed to be the happy singles thread!

@TheStoic I am so so sorry that you are hurting remember though, it will never hurt more than it does today. Every day will get a little easier. Lots of distraction and planning positive stuff! Can you spend time with people for some of the day when you are feeling low? Sometimes even going shopping forces us to look outwards instead of focusing inwards.

If you get really really bored, then hop on a plane and come clean my house.....it will keep you occupied for weeks

PS the Happy Singles thread doesn't mean you have to be happy when you join. It's also fully open to those who are sad but want to be happy. You keep venting all you need to. You are so very welcome

Thank you. You have no idea the impact your kind words have had already. :-)

Those trying dating. I worked at a homeless shelter tonight. 95% of the guests are men. 95% of the volunteers female. We still get endlessly hit on by the guests

@TheStoic

@Accidentalaccountant Has anyone ever taken one of them up on it?

It's late oh dark 30 and I'm still packing!

I'd like to say to anybody here... The best, Best bit is suddenly knowing what you are doing, aiming for It isn't selfish. It's just about being YOU.

And if I am better as a person after this clear out, (it's nearly broken me but.!) good. Good.

Might I find somebody after this? Maybe

I'm not looking though. It's gonna take a while to just get past this huge throwaway, but I'm ready.

My cats are truly thrown-she's.. Cleaning?!

Missed a ton up thread. Soz. Bit full on here. I'll read it all 2mrw.

@user1486723488 You haven't got time to look - you have my house to declutter next! I am looking for my own personal Monica from Friends. Someone who will come and clean and sort for me, while I lay about directing proceedings and eating biscuits.

If anyone wants to do that to get over heartbreak, please, I am really generous like that. You would be more than welcome

Morning all!

@TheStoic how are you feeling today?

Just made a cup of coffee and I'm chilling in bed with a book. Gonna make a massive stack of pancakes for me and DS in a minute (our Sunday tradition).

@Accidentalaccountant funny you should say that as I have been volunteering at a male homeless hostel for 4 years and I get hit on a lot. They get in trouble with the manager for it though.

@SirChing. You’re absolutely correct that it’s not considered a valid life path for women in particular to be single. There’s the happy bachelor waiting to be ‘caught’ & the sad lonely spinster.

I still get asked by women have I met somebody else’s yet. I’ve been told that there’s still time. I very sweetly asked time for what? Why to be happy of course!!

I don’t push it but people won’t accept that I’m happy being me & me.

From pushing me to go out with their friends ( he’s a great catch just broken up with his wife after 25 years, she didn’t understand him. Wtf if some women spent a third of her life trying & failed why do you think I should bother. Or worse, man recently widowed. I’m empathetic & kind, I could nab him. So be a grief counsellor then I’ll be rewarded by his gratitude? Or would I try to be a lesbian?!

Having tea in bed watching g the sunrise before I head off to my 2 hour sweaty hard gym class in my women only gym. Life is good.

Late to the party but another singleton here. Split before finding out i was pregnant with my twin boys and chose to stay single since. Boys are almost 13 and bar a scattering of dates one year I havent bothered, just enjoying being single and independent. Eventually will date again whej the boys are a bit older and need me less but content for now :)