The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

Can't you order one not using prime? Seriously worth it. To the point I wondered whether to bother with my FWB any more. The words "Oh my fucking God" may have been uttered in this house

@undercoveraessedai sorry to hear of your loss, grieving is ver personal and affects everyone differently. I agree with you re being with people you love, I have to say, being with family brings such warmth.

@SirChing thank you for your reassuring words. I think, to be fair, the ex was desperate not to be alone, so being the proactive wanker that he is, got on to excel and compiled the spreadsheet required to fulfil his goal, and being a project manager, achievedbut yes, shallow definitely, do you move on so quickly when you love so deeply? I think men have that ability. I work in the health sector, see people daily that need my help, and this is very fulfilling for me. I am thinking of volunteering in a befriending capacity, I love a chat/tea/cake etc, and have a real interest in people's lives, so I think that's the way to go. I'm finding that pubs/dancing/drinking (though have their place) are an irregular pleasure for me nowadays. Love the preachy wank btw

If I've left anyone out forgive me as I'm hopeless with this messaging

@mildlymiffed I too feel on the periphery of friendships, and also do not like to live in someone's pocket! I like doing things alone but it can make me feel like a loser sometimes

@SirChingI’m not clicking on that link... maybe tomorrow after work when I have more time 😉. And my teen DD often using the teaspoon analogy - we are very much a HP household. Love it.

@undercoveraessedai happy birthday!! Hope you had a good day- and maybe you can stretch it out for the whole weekend?

@mildlymiffed 🤣

@Itsallpointless no, I don’t have the solid friendship group. One super best mate (in Oz for many years but we message every day). One is Barcelona and my oldest friend in Scotland. Maybe I smell?

@Itsallpointless I am with you on the liking doing stuff alone. Me too. And that's ok. We aren't losers for that. If we were losers, we would do a load if stuff that didn't make us happy, just to please others. Paddling your own canoe never makes you a loser.

And no, your ex may have loved you deeply and probably did, but he obviously doesn't love this new lass deeply as he hasn't had time to. He is just rebounding because he is too scared to be alone. And when one of them realises that the feelings he supposedly has for her are still for you, he will end it or be ditched. He is clearly someone utterly lacking insight into himself, and it would be a miracle if it worked out with the new woman.

I remember my ex fiance doing the same years ago. At the time it hurt that he "replaced" me so quickly. Within about six months my primary thought was "well, it proved I was right to dump him and it confims he is a sad twat".

Honestly, give it a few months more for the hurt to go and you will be rolling your eyes all over this.

@undercoveraessedai Missing your dad on your birthday must be very very hard. Sending you love and hugs xx

I would agree with your list @mildlymiffed that's exactly what I'm trying to do too and the same reasons. And @sirching you are totally right about the validation.

The only thing that gets me through those lonely moments is remembering how I felt during some awful relationships and dating.

Thanks @Upyerbum70 I'm going to enjoy it. I'll have a few drinks for you

@Itsallpointless you know I've found as I've got older I have less friends I spend time with, mainly because they are all married and do couple things. I have a few friends that are in relationships that I spend time with, but not great amounts.

Oh @sirching I've got that and can agree it def hits the spot.

@lifegoes Doesn't it just!

I’m gambling! I’m betting/assuming parkrun will be cancelled today, again, due to strong winds. So I booked myself into a couple of classes. I didn’t do any exercise yesterday and now I feel all deflated and restless.
God, I really am addicted to exercise, aren’t I?

@Upyerbum70 you don't necessarily need mates on your doorstep do you? But it's nice to have them at a distance where you can catch up regularly in person. I am in a couple of meet up groups, which are great, but only really made one good friend. Chat to everyone but I'm not a 'popular' that makes me feel a bit of a loser too

@SirChing it may well be a rebound (though I got a home made CD in the post for VD) but he will stay I can assure you, he'll make it work whatever. I guess my pride is dented, and it makes me feel worthless/uninteresting etc..I'll get over it though, because we have no choice do we?!

@lifegoes Hope you had a good birthdaysounds like my friendship group too, but I suppose I'm a bit funny in that I like taking off on my own, so I guess I want the best of both worldsI agree about remembering the awful times in relationships that you have to hold on to, when you feel lonely, I keep asking my friends/family to remind me!

The wind had been howling ALL night, and still ishow bout everyone else? Where are you all? I know some of you are up Norf..I'm in Essex for my sins!

@BuddhaAtSea classes will hit the spot I'm sure. Nothing wrong with a little exercise addiction. Go and enjoy the endorphins!

@Itsallpointless I'm down sarf like you! But Surrey based.

Right.... going to haul my lazy arse out of bed! Have a great Saturday y'all x

Been at work since 0645. Ouch. Might actually leave the office soon and venture into Manchester City centre to see what mischief I can avoid. Its raining and looks very much like a Smiths song

It was on! So I did one class and then braved the winds and did park run 😂. Ok, park run is addictive and fun and I think it should be compulsory 😁.

It’s really rainy and windy here, but I will take the dog out for a long walk, not that she hasn’t been out 3 times already 🙄. Hoping to tire her out, she’s a bit bonkers. Drinks with the meet up group later on.
Have a great Saturday:)

Ha @Itsallpointless it wasn't my birthday it was @undercoveraessedai 😉

Yeah it's hard when time passes to remember the bad things, it's as if our brain can only remember the good and we cling to it. But try to remember how they made you feel at certain points. I remember feeling so anxious and thinking is done something wrong, like I wasn't good enough for him. I felt awful about myself. I was in a frame of mind I'd never been in. I was constantly trying to figure out what I'd done. Why he'd go quiet. Why he'd get angry at me. Frightened to say anything to him in case he ended it. Then found out it wasn't me, at all. It was because he wasn't separated from his wife. 🤯. Sometimes my mind even forgets that and just remembers how good the sex was and the good times.

@Upyerbum70 im intrigued by what mischief you get up to now 😉

@BuddhaAtSea well done on the run. But a chance I want to run in this today. So I applaud you.

Sounds like everyone is really busy this weekend! I'm finding that most of my social stuff is happening during the week and my weekends are a lot quieter. So Saturdays are usually my time to please myself. I ended up making some rock cakes this afternoon, haven't done any baking for months

Has been really windy and rainy here in the South too, I'm desperate for some nicer weather... Spring feels a long way off. On a positive note, my ex messaged me to say he was finally booked in to see a counsellor next week. For all the crap he brought on my head when we split up, he really needs to get support and deal with a rubbish childhood and two failed marriages plus whatever else has happened since we broke up.

@mulberry974 Oooh nice work on the baking . Rock cakes sounds delicious. I’m still on eating restrictions due to new teeth. But I look forward to the joys of biting into a cake. Did you reply to your ex? Was counselling something you suggested? And, crucially, to you think he’ll go through with it.

I got cold and wet at work but survived. I’ve thrown ingredients into the slow cooker. It’s cider and bean cassoulet, apparently.

I’m sat with soft truffles and tea and the cat and a programme about railways. I will get Netflix.. I will ...

@Upyerbum70 I did well to just eat two of the rock cakes, they were lovely. Hope you've got something nice planned when your teeth are sorted. I love the sound of the cassoulet!

I did suggest counselling a few times yes, not just because he had cheated on me but because he has lots of things he really needs to sort in his head. He deals with everything by ignoring it until he implodes, and has had anxiety, work stress and grief since then too. I truly hope he does actually go and sticks with it but am not sure if he will... If I've learned anything since we split up, I have to let him just get on with it, we get on now, but he's not my responsibility anymore...

@lifegoes I'm useless at this, well keep those wishes for when it's your turnit is strange that you tend to remember the good isn't it? My relationship should've ended years before it did, so that goes to show how I felt about ex, but all I can think about is maybe I overreacted/I'm intolerant etc, it's bizarre because I never loved him, and here I am thinking about him and his new loveI'm definitely a weird weirdo

@undercoveraessedai so happy belated birthday wishes that I gave (incorrectly) to @lifegoes

@Mulberry974 I also seem to be busier during the week, seems weekends are 'couply' things, though this is a busy weekend for me. How long have you been single? Do you think there's a chance of reconciliation if he's doing something about his issues? Where in the South are you?

@Upyerbum70 new teeth? Implants? I will have to have one of those, as I have a condition on one of my front teeth, where the root is eating itself, it's called 'resorptionI don't have Netflix either, I use my daughters! That said, I never watch it..

@BuddhaAtSea you exhaust me just reading about your exercise regime! I'm such a lazy cow, should really do something about it this year

@Mulberry974 you hit the nail on the head with ‘just have to let him get on with it’. His problems are now not your problem. Phew!

@Itsallpointless implants yes. Not for the faint hearted. Long process but hopefully totally worth it. And the pain has finally worn out. I love technological advancements.

@Itsallpointlessess we split 3 years ago now, after he cheated on me with a friend. He's still in touch with her but I don't know whether they are together or just friends after this time it's become unimportant. I honestly couldn't trust him like that again. I just see him getting help as something he's probably needed to do for years. Funny how you can know someone for years but not realise how damaged they are until you split up.

@Upyerbum70 it took me a long time to get that into my thick skull too. I will always care about him but his issues aren't my issues now.

@Upyerbum70 did you have them fitted in the UK? I've looked at going to Europe due to the cost, but I'm a scaredy cat, are you pleased with them??

@Mulberry974..betrayal is one of the hardest things to deal with, how do you ever trust again? My ex was messing around behind my back too, but I never had actual proof, just very sly behaviour, and lies lies lies. I seethe just thinking about what I put up with, no one to blame but myself. Fair play to you for still being in touch and 'civil'. I have seen my ex, and he 'lurks' which I don't understand given his relationship status, still, I try not to dwell..much!

@Itsallpointless I sometimes wonder how I can be civil! Time helps but betrayal is a very special kind of pain I wonder if you can ever be the same person afterwards. At the moment the thought of being with anyone makes me feel terror and dread. Never say never thought, I may meet a man in an old peoples home when I'm 80

Christ, I hope I’m not becoming one of those boring people who just talk about the gym, or are at the gym/running etc. A woman with a ‘hobby’ (not cycling)😂.

So I went and saw Parasite tonight. Go see it, it’s good. I’ve enjoyed it, but it is properly weird. A talking point for sure.

I wonder if the ironing fairy is coming tomorrow. Because I have been staring at that darn basket for days now.

Thank you for birthday wishes all 🥰

Today's been a work day for me, and tomorrow is too - loads to do and never enough time, somehow... Weeks like this are the very rare occurrences when I can't decide if I'm grateful not to have a man to think about, or annoyed because a man could do cooking/cleaning/errands while I am editing for 12 hour stints 🤣

Then I finish my work and I'm definitely happy not to have one getting under my feet

@BuddhaAtSea have you tried a clothes steamer? I bought one at Christmas and have given up ironing entirely, it's brilliant!

And it's wonderful that you enjoy your hobby, definitely not boring :) I am slightly envious as I buggered up my knees and hips in my teens, and I'm definitely curvier these days - so running is painful. But does look like a very calming thing to do!

Hugs for all of you dealing with betrayal and exes and crap I wonder if time is truly a healer for all things or if some really do change you deep down, for always? Three years into my grief journey, it feels like this is a permanent shift in who I am. I'm lucky my relationships were both reasonably amicable endings and we've stayed in touch, but I can see that some endings would cut very deeply.

We are all stronger than we give ourselves credit for, aren't we?

Any other night owls among us?