The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

@lifegoes I’m tired just reading about your plans! Inspirational stuff

Sofa with cat and a relatively healthy tea. Caught up with pottery throw down (can’t inagine why I’m single 🤣)

Work tomorrow so I can have Monday off for a funeral. Living the dream.

Still can’t bring myself to go back on any apps, feel like Mr Jewish has taken all the last bits of my hope and dating confidence. Its knocked me for six.

@SirChing sorry you’re not feeling up to going out tomorrow night. Hope things improve for you soon (step away from Mr Hot Neighbour).

@mildlymiffed Oooh pad Thai, yum! Where did you get the recipe? Hope You don't mind me asking. And yay to getting the last of your stuff out of storage. You are turn properly all moved in? That's fab if so. May your new house be full of love, happiness and adventures

@upyerbum70 - I meant to mention Mr Jewish earlier. He is clearly doesn't know a good thing when he sees one, and doesn't value brilliant women. So he is stupid. And who wants to date someone stupid? I honestly think some men are scared to death of attractive women with a brain. Especially ones who are good in bed (and you did say the sex was good). They feel inadequate. And if they feel that then, quite frankly, they are. Excellent men adore women like that. Pillocks don't. So you dodged a dickhead.

Please don't let him knock your confidence. I shall tell you about the fuck up I have just made with hot neighbour to cheer you up:

So, I can't be arsed to go out in Leeds tomorrow but don't mind going for a drink locally. But all local mates are either going into Leeds or are otherwise busy. I had been having a good laugh with Mr Neighbour so asked him if he fancied going for a drink. I got a message back saying he can't as has his kids and also that he is seeing someone. Me, being a pillock, was mystified about why he was saying he was seeing someone, so I just said "Oh, doesn't she like you going to the pub with women". And then I clicked - he thought I was asking him out for a date! I wanted to die. So had to.message back saying "did you think I meant as a date? God no! I couldn't work out why your lass would care and then it clicked". Fucking hell I can be slow. Am mortified now. He hasn't replied. I think he is cringing for me.

It just didn't occur to me. I have loads of bloke friends. He knows I am not going to shag him and have a FWB, so I thought as we were having a laugh we should go and have a drink and a laugh. I am SUCH a dickhead.

But we can't let blokes knock our confidence. Most of the time it is them who are the problem, not us. So it won't be you. It's he who is stupid. You are fab and I bet your friends and family think you are too. So who will you believe - some weirdo blokes, or everyone else who thinks you are great? (Clue: believe us as we are right and he is a dick!)

PS I hope the funeral is ok on Monday

@mildlymiffed sorry, that should say you are now properly moved in. Bloody autocorrect!

Oh it's not exciting @Upyerbum70 I'm only glossing, and the football is watching it not playing. I'd rather not go out tomorrow night if I'm honest. But I've not been out for ages so really should have a night out.

I'm not sure what fully happened with Mr Jewish. But I completely understand that feeling. I'm trying to throw myself into everything and anything to create a happy life. But I'm far from happy on the inside. I miss having a man to date/flirt with, have sex with if I'm honest. But after last year all my hope and optimism has gone with men. I'm not sure if I'll find it again. So right now, I'm just trying to focus on other things instead.

@SirChing nooooo don’t feel bad - and you’re totally not a d**khead. You asked him
for a drink - it was him that got the wrong end of the stick. Not your problem. Chin up. I hope you can still walk past his house with confidence and don’t end up going the long way round?

And thank you for your kind words. Funeral will be ok.

Mr Jewish. We got on soooooo well. He’s educated, funny, takes very good care of himself, good parent, great host and cook. I liked his size, dress sense, belly laughs and bedroom antics. And the effort was very much on his side initially. I’m naturally slow and cautious. Just when I started to cave and admit to myself I actually rather liked him, he decided my not being Jewish WAS a problem. Having told me previously it wasn’t. That’s it in a nutshell. Bored of it now. NC is damned hard. We never even had so much as a cross word. So.... Why am I still holding out for contact - I’m such an idiot.

@lifegoes please go out and have fun! Have a drink for me. I empathise with you. You’re filling your outer life but filling the inner gaps is much harder. Distraction all the way. Easier said than done.

Good evening all.

Haven't posted for a bit, I am so busy at work/life and get overwhelmed with everything I have to/forget to do! Memory is truly shocking

I read of your positive stories on single life, and agree to a degree. Today has been a down day, no idea why, or maybe I do. It's the weekend, and it's a full one, BUT, no substance if you see what I mean. No real fulfilment, just busy. Now lovely people here, what is fulfilling in your lives? What brings you joy? What makes you think "single life is still a full life"? As I'm struggling here.

I'm not a whinger by any means, but I do wonder where it all went 'wrong' and see others around me doing 'ok', which is great btw.

I do not miss my last ex at all (I finished it) but the fact he is in an established relationship, so quickly after professing undying love for me, makes me question a future relationship with anyone else.

Does anyone else feel like me, or am I the only 'weirdo'

@Upyerbum70 You are NOT an idiot. I am cross at him on your behalf actually. HE made the running and THEN decided religion was a problem? He should have worked out those deal breakers for himself before going near you. That's an awful way to treat you. How dare he date you, spend time with you, and sleep with you, when if he had put his brain in gear instead of his knob, he would have known this would be the outcome? Tosser So he is both stupid AND thoughtless AND cruel. What a shitbag. Give it six months and I bet you will seethe with fury when you think of him. It isn't you at all. Its him. Does let his total self absorption about what HE wants, ruin your confidence. The git! (Can you tell I am NOT happy with him? ).

Hopefully neighbour feels like a pillock for taking it the wrong way. And no I won't dodge him. Don't care enough to be honest. I shall just carry on being nice and friendly and ignore the fact that it happened. Its no biggie in the big scheme of life.

Ok - just for the record- weirdos are good. So if your ARE a bone fide weirdo then you’re obviously ace. End of.

Struggling with the fulfilling question - my children. That’s it. They’re my motivation. I do love my job . But it’s crazy shit somedays - yesterday I was left in a ‘hairy’ situation by an individual and it wobbled me. I spoke to the individual today and - basically- left him shame faced. But there’s no one to talk to when I get home - I can’t share with my children. I talk to the cat 🤣

@sirching he was secretly hoping it was a date I reckon. Then had an attack of conscience! But is this the same guy who was cracking onto you before... I'm a bit confused! Anyway... men are peculiar creatures. I really can't figure them out at all!!

My pad Thai recipe was this: www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/pad-thai%3famp

We swapped prawns for chicken, and used red pepper in place of bean sprouts. And ds ate loads! Result!

@itsallpointless it's funny when you talk about fulfilment. When I was in a relationship fulfilment meant making someone else happy. And not myself necessarily.

I've only been single a couple of months, and now my fulfilment is more about making my ds happy, and about thinking more about self-care. I know that is selfish, but I've neglected myself a lot. Be that not exercising enough, not eating healthily, not sleeping enough... but also, putting others happiness first. So now I am thinking more about what my bucket list is. What do I want to read, watch, see, and do? I also want to make my house pretty. So that it pleases me when I walk through the door.

To many, that wouldn't be fulfilling enough. But why not? I need to focus on me being happy for me, and not being happy through someone else.

@Itsallpointless You aren't weird! It's just discombobulating when you split and start to rebuild your life. You don't go from being coupled up to single-and-happy-about-it overnight. Its only time that does that.

Your ex sounds a shallow fucker, moving on so soon. I don't think it says ANYTHING about you, but does indicate that he can't do proper adult attachments which take time to build and time to recover from. He sounds VERY emotionally immature. So it isn't a reflection on you at all. Unless it's that he can't handle being with a grown up? He sounds insecure too. Can't bear to be alone for a minute. Ugh! No loss there lovely. Feel pity for his new lass that she is with someone who has the emotional range of a teaspoon.

Re finding meaning, well - what have you always loved to do but got out of the habit of? What did you always want to do but never get round to? You are obviously a caring and loving person, so what about expressing that as a visitor for the elderly or volunteering with the homeless?

Personally, I think meaning is tied up with doing what makes your heart sing and what ties up.woth your values. So not much to do with fellas really. Because if meaning comes from the person we are with, then we will.always feel "less" alone. And we aren't. We are complete alone. The trick is finding someone who loves and respects our complete selves. But we have to work.out who our complete self is first.

God that sounds like preachy, Californian wank. Sorry! It's just a bloke can never be a good substitute for doing what makes you happy and resonates with your values. All he can do is give you validation. And the validation of yourself and your family and friends is most important. Giving a bloke validation rights is givijg him faaaaar too much power. You are great as you are. And he sounds like an emotional cripple.

Don't you let your confidence be shattered by him. You are way more than that twerp!

Thank you for birthday wishes loves 💙

Sorry am a bit rubbish at posting atm, life got crazy!

@Itsallpointless weirdos are the best

Have had a good think about your questions and for me fulfilment comes from spending time with people and animals I love, and from my work (I'm a photographer and starting to embrace calling myself an artist too!). I'm rebuilding my life after losing my Dad suddenly so my motivation comes and goes - some days I'm so excited I can't wait to get going and some days I can barely get out of bed - but my single life is joyful and full and blissful to me in a way that my coupled life has never been.

Though I am finding it harder than I thought to pin down exactly why! Have you thought about your values and what is most important to you? For me freedom and self expression and autonomy are at the top of my list, in all areas of my life, and I find this much easier to achieve without a man kicking about making my life untidy 🤣

@mildlymiffed I love that - and you know what, it's not selfish to put ourselves first and prioritise our happiness and fulfilment, we've just been trained to believe that's the case 😶

@mildlymiffed Oooh ta for the recipe! Sounds yum.

This bloke isn't the married one or my FWB, he is.a relatively new neighbour who I have a laugh in Facebook.with and asked me last week for no.strings sex. I.said no, that I have a FWB, but we carried on chatting and having a laugh.

@SirChing emotional range of a teaspoon!!! Almost no one ever gets that reference when I use it!!

@undercoveraessedai Ooooh happy birthday! I missed that

@lifegoes I'm sorry about Mr Jewish. He does sound lovely. But evidently something was out of whack for him... it's a lack of closure that hurts sometimes.

I miss sex, a lot. And I miss having someone to rely on. But I don't miss the shit. But my ex was an alcoholic, and as a result quite unpredictable. I like now having stability and more control of my world. It's f@&king hard a lot of the time- but in a way I am using my time to prove to myself that I can do this. Almost as a f@&k you to both my ex husband and ex boyfriend who treated me badly. I think only when I am fully confident in myself, will I be able to think about dating again. Until then, I'll always question whether I'm doing it because I doubt my own abilities.

But it is Mr Jewish's loss. I hope you know that deep down. He's lost you. You on the other hand, you still have the pleasure of your own company!

@mildlymiffed pad Thai is one of my fave dishes of all time! I've made it, and eat in restaurants lots.

@Upyerbum70 thanks for making me feel an 'acceptable' weirdo, I embrace my weirdness along with othersit's lovely to hear your children fulfil you, mine are adults, only one at home, so I'm pretty redundantcome in handy for lifts thoughmy friend is with a Jewish man (she's catholic) and the religion (Judaism) is always lurking. She'll never be fully accepted, but that doesn't mean it can't work, it just needs solid communication I think.

Do you all have a strong friendship network? I think that's what I lack. I have friends, and am very sociable, but I don't feel like I have a solid and stable groupprobably me and my weirdness keeps them away

@undercoveraessedai Hermione rocks!

Eeeek! Mr Jewish post should have been aimed at @upyerbum70 sorry! Brain is frazzled! Must try harder.... xxx

Ok. For those of us missing sex (don't click the link if easily offended) I can heartedly recommend one of these as being better than any bloke ever. Best money I spent. Seriously!

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07PDMTZXB/ref=dp_prsubs_1?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

@Itsallpointless No to the strong friendship network. I am working on it but life so far hasn't been conducive to it. That can always change though. Even more reason to try to do stuff you love to meet like-minded peeps.

@SirChing if only I didn't share a prime account with my brother!! 🤣🤣🤣

@Itsallpointless I have lots of friends, but often feel on the fringes... but I'm a confessed social butterfly! Don't like friends living in my pockets either!! Dipping in and out of each other's lives is spot on for me!